House Renovations

Dear Readers, the spouse has taken the children off for a week (a week!) with his terrible family.*  My dad came over for a few days, we made a lot of curry (the traditional Christmas food of my people), and we:

• Replaced the kitchen faucet and a bathroom faucet
• Replaced all three showerheads
• Swapped out a bunch of outlets** and switches
• Painted the bathroom ceiling
• Fixed the leaky roof
• Put a new glass panel in the storm door, as it exploded one day
• Hung a curtain rod
• Patched three holes
• Painted Sweetpea's room, which suffered from grubby flat paint
• Polyurethaned two sets of shelves and a set of wooden crates

I also went to a Christmas eve party, went to a knitting party, did the grocery shopping, and cleaned the house.

I have two days to do all the touch ups, re-polyurethane the shelves, and assemble them.  I can do this, right?  Right.

* I have suggested he NOT GO next year

** Only one of which is now completely broken; I think if I get a different/right one it'll fix it

Frugal Living/ Saving on Relatively Little

In response to The Grumpies' encouragement, here is how we scrimped and saved  out of Dr. S's postdoc income ($42,000 per year, before taxes etc.) for three years in Cold City.

If I think of anything else, or if my Dear Readers have questions, I'll put up another post.

Sometimes I have deep regrets about the money aspects of our lives.  If I had stayed at Bicycle Company and/or worked full time for the last five years, we would have SO much money, people.  (Also we would probably be divorced.) But I didn't. And I dislike most housewifery things, which is a whole separate post (I am good at being general contractor of Life Stuff but I find it boring, tedious, and largely meaningless.)

Things In Advance To Make Life Cheaper (Preselected Structural Advantages):

1) Science.  We both chose to become scientists which makes us more employable than English majors, and gave us a muuuuuch better deal in grad school.  Sorry.  It's true.

2) No debt.  Dr. S bought a Honda Civic when he was 21* and paid it off right before we got married.  He also paid off his (~$5000) student loan debt right before we got married.  We lived on our sad grad student stipends without incurring any more debt, either.  This was in an expensive East Coast city where rent was a quarter of our combined income.  We went out occasionally for dinner, we bought clothes when we needed them, we worked 70-80 hours a week. Science grad school is six years of suffer now for benefit later.  It's great practice.

3) Saved up. Before quitting my job, I worked for a year and a half and we saved 90% of my net income (after taxes and childcare). See above re: boring lives. This gave us a $35,000 down payment for a house on top of our other savings.

4) Health insurance.  We made sure to have good health insurance before doing any of this. Tatoe's prenatal care and birth cost me a total of $50.  For nine months.  The last year in Cold City, I hit my OOP max and had a $15,000 elective surgery too! (To fix my !@$%ing sinuses which left me in constant pain for a year.  Not something frivolous.)

Things We Planned Frugally (Before I Quit My Job):

1) Renovated ugly house.    My dad helped.  We replaced all the floors in the whole house, redid the kitchen, repainted the whole thing, put in new lights, painted the exterior, re-did the landscaping, put a deck railing up, and tiled the bath.  Also, we fixed the exploded garage door ourselves.**  I'm exhausted just remembering.  However, we walked away from the house after three years with a $77,000 check.  ($35,000 of this was down payment and $8000 was first-time-homebuyer-credit thing.) So we put $11,000 per year into the mortgage principal.  Total renovation cost was about $8000.  (Saved up/ net: $34,000)
- Of note: we did look into the real estate market carefully before doing this.  Cold City appeared to have just bottomed out in the housing market collapse right before we bought.  We estimated that in three years it would be at least somewhat recovered, based on patterns elsewhere.  This turned out to be true.

2) Minimized transport costs. We kept our one car and Dr. S took the bus or his bike to work.  (We had moved to Cold City in part because of the good public transportation, among other factors.)

Things I Learned To Do While Poor(ish) (More Time Than Money):

1) Thrifting.  I shopped hard-core at garage sales, thrift shops, church rummage sales, and the Dig And Save Of Blessed Memory.  Garage sales are practically a sport in Cold City, which worked out well.  High-ticket items like shoes, coats, winter boots, snow pants, and expensive mittens were worth buying used.  Average coat cost $5, average boot cost $2/pair.

1a) Stockpiling future sizes.  I still do this.  My larger children are guaranteed to wear Next Size Up in both warm and cold seasons, so I stuff it all into bins and store it in my enormous amount of closets.
1b) Disposing of things at consignment sales.  Especially big things like hiking backpacks and fancy cloth diapers.

2) Clearance sales for work clothes. Because sometimes you need new clothes for work. Lands' End, in particular, has some good sales which can be combined with percent-off-coupons.  Fortunately, my spouse and children - Midwesterners at heart!- are perfectly content with jeans, khakis, polo shirts, and button-downs in subdued plaids.

3) Grocery coupon shopping. This is a pain in the rear and takes a huge amount of time.  However, I stockpiled and coupon collected and shopped the sales and paid about 30-40% less for groceries (which took it to about $100 per week rather than $175).  Moral: if you don't have a lot of money, it takes a lot of time to compensate.

4) Swallowed my pride and my desires.  We've gotten a lot of hand me downs and toys from other people.  And that's fine.  I would put things in an online cart, email it to myself, and ask myself a month later if we really needed it.

5) Mainly vegetarianism/ cooking a lot.  Which I had done before, but animals are tasty and I like them for dinner. We rarely go out, in part because the Deathly Dairy Allergy limits options. So we (I) cook big batches of things at home.

6) Free and cheap stuff.  Cold City has a lot of outdoor activities, and a lot of free indoor things, too.  We did them all.  There was a fantastic Community Rec program that worked out to $4/week/person for sports and classes, so that was great too.


Outcomes:

- We probably ended up saving (after the house sale) half our income.  We put about $10,000 per year in IRAs and college savings accounts, plus the mortgage principal (we made extra principal payments).***
- We still have no non-mortgage debt.
- I have zero desire to ever do that again.  (Our current income is about 2x what it was then.  One day HOPEFULLY SOON when I go back to more-than-7%-working, we'll have actual money.)
- I also have zero sympathy for anyone saying 'We just COULDN'T get by on $$,$$$!' (Big expensive cities get an adjustment.)  Yes, yes you could.  And it would suck.  But you'd have to give up your cable and iphones and fancy new car and vacation in Costa Rica. It is fine if people want these things.  It is not fine to then complain that you chose to spend your money (MY IN LAWS) and have... less money.

Things I Still Do Now We're Less Poor:

- I still stockpile clothes
- I get my work clothes at the Goodwill, which benefits from being near Mountain U's well-paid inhabitants
- I turn pants-with-holes into shorts for the children and me
- I take in lots of hand me downs
- I swap children when feasible rather than paying for babysitting
- I buy stuff on clearance but get the kids new shoes rather than used ones (which I only got in good condition but it was a pain)
- I buy foods in bulk at the local Mennonite shop.  Their cashews are $6 a pound!  They have thirty kinds of cheese!  (for the children).  I get 50 lb bags of flour for $19! (Also for the family.  I still can't eat wheat, blah.)
- We still have the Honda.  It is 16 years old.  Runs Good.
- I sew things for the children, including Halloween/Purim costumes and so on.

- We still make the max contributions to IRA/401k type things before anything else, because Mountain U matches 2:1.

Things I Don't Do Any More:

- Hard core grocery couponing.  Not worth my time now.
- Sending things to consignment sales.  So much work.  I give it away; we have a big circulation of used children's clothes here, so it kind of comes back around.  (Example: a friend GAVE me a $300 jogging stroller.  It was 10 years old, but still in great shape.)
- I buy some new stuff.  More than before.
- We eat a lot more fish but about the same amount of meat (not much).
- We've paid for some major renovations.  Some of them we couldn't do ourselves (iron beams in garage!  air conditioner!).  Some we just didn't want to (chimney cleaning!  giant tree removal!). This has impacted the last couple years of savings.
- I have a Ting cellphone that costs $12/month.  It's so rural here that I fear car breakdowns in little-travelled areas.

Other Money Stuff

Right now, we 'own' (have a mortgage on) an enormous house. It's 3100 square feet plus about another 1000 square feet in a shop and screen porch.  The university owns our mortgage at an interest rate of 3%, which is less than our investments return.  It's one of their keep-PhDs-here things.  I almost regret it, because it's really kind of too big, but when the children are teenagers it will be just right, and we didn't want to move again.  (Also, low population = few house choices).

My income goes to savings, and house projects, like the AC**** and the tree.  If I were working full time, we'd probably kill each other, but we'd have a larger cushion.

We have enough income that I don't keep a strict budget, instead keeping general track of how much I spend.  Dr. S checks all transactions to prevent fraudulent charges.  He buys almost nothing ever (really, nothing.  Milk!  and once a month, a sandwich).

There are things we could cut (wine! occasional lunch out!) but don't want to because we don't need to and therefore it feels punitive and miserable.


* This says some important things about his character and priorities.
**  Just... don't leave a tricycle where the garage door will catch it, okay? Okay. 
*** Before we bought a house, we calculated out the break-even vs. renting, including closing costs, renovations, and mortgage interest. If we had sold the house for exactly what we paid, we would have been out the same as renting.  As it was, we lived in the house for the cost of interest, for three years, and got back all the rest of our costs.
**** Green mildew = time for AC.  Oh, the South.  

Pro Tip:

Space OUT major projects, events, and un-reschedulable-stuff.*  For example, it was not the best idea ever to a) sign a house-buying contract during finals week; b) then have to schedule inspections immediately thereafter; all of this c) the day before one's spouse receives 40 finals to grade by d) MONDAY, which is e) the first night of Pesach**, for which f) one's 80-year-old grandmother is flying in from California.  

It reminds me of once in college, when a former student, back from grad school, gave a talk.  I remember nothing he (or possibly she) said except "Don't have your thesis defense and a baby in the same month.  Just don't."

* You'd think I'd know this by now, eh?
** A holiday for which one traditionally cleans crumbs out of ALL THE THINGS, especially (ahem) my car, in which many a goldfish cracker has died, and my counter, where the flour lives, and my fridge, because I empty-and-clean it only twice a year.  And this is one of them.

This Is Just To Say

... that arranging-things details are spilling out of my ears.

I was, at one time, able to a) run my own multi-year, multi-project research program while editing a journal and volunteering weekly and later b) manage a tech support team along with all its extremely varied needs, work on many software projects, and have a small child.  This is a mystery to me.  Yesterday I had to a) take Bug to a kindergarten-observation slot; b) take Bug to preschool; and c) go to a meeting.  I forgot the observation and was late to the meeting.  I would have been late to preschool, but it was on the way to the meeting.

We have made an offer on an ugly-ass house.  It may have lead paint and asbestos.  I have been arranging for testing for these things - this involves labs, licenses, accreditation, inspectors, contract amendments... it goes on and on.  Why is Dr. S not dealing with any of this?  Because it is finals week and he has until noon on Monday to submit all the grades.

Perhaps my brain is full of these details to the exclusion of all others.  Yesterday I set something out for dinner, forgot it, and cooked something completely different.  I also defrosted a chicken, and then realized that it was not a good idea.  Pesach is Monday.  We are going out of town.  I still have to clean/boil the entire kitchen. Send help, brandy, minions, and secretaries.

Oh. My. Cthulhu.

My house, you guys?  It just got sold.  I mean, contingent on all those fun things like financing and appraisal and inspection.  But still.  It was on the market for four days, and we got a full-price offer.  We're doing a flat-fee service so I probably have to run around town to title agencies and so on, but still.  That's totally worth $4500 to me - the difference between what I am paying this realtor, and 3%.

Words cannot express the heartburn, anxiety (literally too anxious to eat!), tears, and anguish that went into getting this damn house ready to show, with two tots living in it.  It.  Was.  Awful.  However, hopefully now it's over.  Somehow, I'm still anxious....

When we bought it three years ago, we did a lot of research first, trying to predict when the housing market would hit bottom here, and when it would recover.  (About six months after we bought, and about now, in case you're wondering.)  We looked at a lot of data.  And now, people are saying "Well, but you couldn't have known."  True: nobody really knows the future.  But you know what?  We made a darn good guess.

I believe economists call them 'projections.'

Forgotten

I had a great idea- in fact, I remember writing it in my head last night as I fell asleep- but I cannot remember a single word of it.  Instead, my brain is filled with possible causes for the persistent GODAWFUL ANNOYING itching on my left boob (you're welcome!), which has now lasted, actually, eight full months, AAAAAGH, and various diagrams of dryer innards, because ours doesn't, as of now, with a full load of wet diapers in the washer, thankyouverymuch. 

G'night.

Five Minute Blogging: Housework and Gender

I have five minutes with two hands!  GO!!

Inspired by Alyssa and others: Housework with a working partner and a housewife!!

Before we had children, Dr. S and I split everything pretty much evenly, according to time, talent, and inclination.  We grocery shopped together; we traded off laundry; we both cooked and swept. 

Now that I'm a housewife, it's a little more uneven, partly because, hey!  This is my job now, and partly because there are a lot of stereotypically gendered things I hate.  Like taking out the trash.  Also, because when the spouse gets home, I'd rather cook than play with the toddler for another hour (I love him, but I've already played all day!). 

So Dr. S does: dishes, laundry folding, sweeping, trash, compost, mowing, most of snow shoveling, part of bill paying, all the investments, midnight baby-walking, and anything involving an electric saw.  Plus he has a full-time job and all. 

I do: meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, procurement of clothing and other items (mainly via the Internet), laundry washing, the rest of the bill paying, mending/sewing, repairs not involving large sharp pointy fast-rotating things, scheduling appointments, midnight baby-nursing*, and a whole lot of child-wrangling. 

I think it's still fairly even despite our traditionally-gendered roles, and a lot of the stereotyping really is just our personal preferences.  I hate hate hate sweeping, and he doesn't care; he hates shopping, and I hate it less.  And although I spend more time per day doing house-related things, I think it's still split fairly evenly for such an asymmetric out-of-home workload.

Five minutes are up: DING!


*Because he lacks the relevant equipment.

Very Random

Now with completely incidental re-coloring so I could fix my HTML code!  Anyhow.

1) Pregnancy.  Ouch.  Whomp whomp.  Ouch.

2) Thomas the Fricking Tank Engine gave my toddler a nightmare.  Apparently there was a "scary owl! In a tree! Scary!  No watch Thomas!"

3) Starting to panic about the Endless List Of Summer Home Improvements.  Included: fix 2000 small things, polyurethane everything we haven't polyurethaned yet, and do something complicated so the roof won't drip in the winter.  PANIC!!!!

Industry, science, and technology!

Courtesy of the local fire department, we have a sealed, ten-year smoke detector in each room.

Last night, one (only one!) started beeping uncontrollably, in the basement office, at 9 PM. Assuredly, nothing was on fire. It refused to be silenced by pressing the 'silence' button. The toddler was asleep. The battery compartment is sealed, and I couldn't pry it open. There is something you probably shouldn't inhale inside, making hammers impractical. Removing the 'disable' tab did nothing (also, I was in a hurry).

BEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEP!

We dropped it in a bucket of water. That's 23 years of scientific training at work, people.

Happy Families Are All Alike

When I was angry and bitter, a couple years ago, I was a much more entertaining writer.

Family and home renovation and teething are not especially exciting, and my drive to complain has mainly dissipated. For example: I would like our tiling in the kitchen to be more even, but... too late. The Bug whispered "Go crib" to me last night after he nursed to sleep; it was adorable.

I think about working. I think about science. I miss having the opportunity to, occasionally, tell someone off in a thorough, professional, and unmistakable manner. I have no intention of going back to work. One day, when we finish refinishing the damn trim in our whole damn house, I think I will start a business. Really. Probably sewing.

Of course, given the aimlessness, I might just think about having another baby instead. Because a baby is like a business, right? RIGHT?

Stereotyped

I am off to the ancestral* Gloomy** homeland tomorrow for a two-week stint with the parents. Dr. S is staying behind to tile our kitchen.

Why, you ask?
Because he's a man.

...HA HA HA. No, actually because a) someone had to take the munchkin away from the site of destruction; b) he is employed; c) I am not; d) he tiled the front entryway while the munchkin was napping on Mama, and e) still, MOOOO.

Anyhow, I shall be dining on my father's excellent coconut-milk rice pudding whilst he is slaving away in the kitchen. Wish him luck!


*Not so ancestral.
**Quite sunny and pleasant, really.

Bet You Didn't Know...

... that a tricycle, being caught on one's garage door, will cause catastrophic failure!

... that to put the door back in, you have to take out all the roller holders.

... that you probably have to take it apart too.

... that garage doors weigh A TON.

Pressing Questions

1. Is this thing on?
2. Will my child ever stop boob-napping?
3. Will we ever get the kitchen painted?
4. Are all the EARWIGS dead?
   
5. Do I love this rug enough to buy it?
6. Will my child then ruin it?
7. Do I care?
   
8. Is now a good time to have another child?
9. Or maybe... next summer?
10. Why am I pretending that a) this event is under my control or b) that next year will result in less chaos?
11. Will having another kid remove, prematurely, too much of my maternal attentions from this one?
12. Why does he wake up from naps so WRATHFUL???
13. Will my spousal unit ever get an academic job?
14. Why on earth does he want one?*

*I know the answer to this one, at least.

Death To Leggy Things

My basement, like many basements - especially basements in houses that have sat empty for a year - suffers from infestations. (If I should ever again buy a house which has been unoccupied, I shall demand an exterminator.)

The worst of the critters were, I thought, spiders. Dozens and dozens of spiders. A childhood spent around black widows has given me a horror of spiders. Also, one of them bit Dr. S on the arm and he got a nasty, nasty infection.

So, I sacrificed my hippie-granola-organic principles and bought some Death To Bugs Spray. I sprayed it diligently around the entire exterior of my house and then around every single corner in the whole basement.

It did not appear to do anything to the spiders. I sprayed it again.

Now EARWIGS are crawling out of my baseboards, turning up their little earwiggy legs, and dying by the dozens.

So which is worse- live earwigs in your walls that you don't know about, or dead ones everywhere?

On Mommying

It's been two months since I said farewell to my fancy job. I don't want to go back. Not even a little. (I also didn't miss science benchwork for even one little minute.) At the same time, hey, this is kind of lonely! Who knew!

I have no real friends in Cold City. Transient, academic, was working, no time, etc. I go to mommy things but I only have acquaintances really. I miss my mama. I miss my dad. I miss my sisters.

I miss my friends from home, even though we've all changed a lot over the years. My friend A is divorced, a single mom, become very brittle. My friend C is a SAHM; her husband is getting a PhD on the same usefulness level as "History of Lost Atlantis", and they have 2 kids and food stamps, and writing gives him panic attacks, and he wants to be an academic. I still love her, but I don't respect her. My friend R has a newborn. I think I'm mourning the loss of how it used to be in some ways.

The Bug is teething. This means hours of screaming every day ("Do not hit Mama with a spoon. Gentle. Gentle. I am taking away the spoon." "AaaaaaAAAAAAH!").

The 15,000 half-finished house projects don't help much either.

Not Dead Yet

We do, in fact, take a lot of walks.

I have all kinds of fun things to tell you about: temptations to canicide, the previous owners' notion of home improvement, SPIDERS, Morgan The Scottie Dog, and all our sweet, retired, aggressively friendly neighbors (tally of things brought over so far, in 10 days: rhubarb coffee cake, banana bread, lettuce, spinach, peonies, wading pool).

However, I am busy removing !@#$%! WALLPAPER PASTE !@#$%! and spackling over approximately 2,569 pushpin holes. Who uses pushpins on drywall???

Oh, and I fried our wireless, so now we have to stay on hold until That One Guy In Jersey (you know, the one phone company employee who knows what he's doing) can take charge of our router and reset it. Again.

But, dear friends, once it is possible to remove the computer from the basement floor, I shall type! Also I have more to say about leaving academia, of course. (RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!!)