Thursday, July 18, 2013


1) Bug's feelings, as far as I can tell, break down into two categories: a) Get me away from my little brother and b) dude, where are all my tot friends, dammit.  We are working on both of those, by way of making more tot friends.  Regrettably, I cannot Just Add Water, Instant Friends.  If anyone sees one in a packet, buy me an extra.

2) My feelings break down into the categories you would expect:  I am bored; I am lonely; I miss my grown-up friends; I miss having Bug's tot friends around; I miss the FREE PRESCHOOL!; I am apprehensive about finding real friends here; I am bracing myself to not find real friends here; I am bracing myself to probably-maybe-who-knows leave in a year anyways, therefore repeating this entire experience again; I am fucking pissed about the house-not-closing shenanigans; I am anxious about house closing; I am both depressed and anxious about ME finding a job here or anywhere; I am annoyed that Dr. S and I cannot sleep in the same bed without waking each other up all night*; I am annoyed that Dr. S is SO annoyed about re-doing all the moving-related things that I already did once; I am very tired of being with my children all the time; I bitterly miss my twice-weekly cup-of-tea-and-kid-swap.  And my partner in fruit-related crime.**  (The wild raspberries here are amazing, and I have already staked out two apple trees.  But it's a lot less fun, alone.)

3) Tatoe clearly has some feelings too, but since he's only 21 months old, it mainly comes out as screeching.

4) At least there's a university gym.  And it's free.  I can go work off some of my feelings with the weights.
4a) Related: I am very sore.

5) I went to meet the nice doctor today and I have lost yet more weight, now putting me at what I weighed in 1998, 145 pounds.  (I am 5'7".)  I would be much more delighted if it had been on purpose, rather than because I can't eat anything.

* Perhaps time would fix this, or a bigger bed.  However, who wants to try it long enough to find out?  And we don't have any money.  Especially until the house closes.

** Is it theft if no-one wants it?  Abandoned fruit!  Just waiting for a picker! (Fruit on public land here can be picked for one's own personal consumption, i.e. not sale, as long as is not a protected species.)


  1. 1) Bah, preschool really can't come fast enough. It should solve his tot friends problem in fairly short order.
    2) I miss you, too :( My other friends don't know what juneberries are, and can't tell me where to find the good trees. I went mulberry harvesting the other week, and had to make jam all by myself. Not to mention, the twice-weekly tea and kid swap! (And venting session, which I very much enjoyed.) On the upside, time will help you with several of your worries. (House closing, irritating Dr. S moving comments, Bug's tot angst.)
    3) Tatoe does have an impressive screech.
    4) Free gym!
    5) If only coconut oil tasted good straight from the jar... Maybe if you mixed it with cocoa powder. Still, I wish you could eat things.

    1. 1) So. Yes. (And for you TOO! Blissful freedom!)
      2) Yes. I found two juneberry trees on campus today! And I think there's one outside the budget motel up the road! And a mysterious something near the city-limit sign! Jam by one's self is just not as fun.
      3) Yes. Remind me to tell you about our ER visit last night... he's fine now.
      5) I have totally been doing that. Probably why we're down a half-pound a week rather than a whole one, now... bah.

  2. Anonymous9:37 AM

    oh, god, screeching.

    (hello from me on a computer that will talk to your blog, since i've ceded the ipad to the bean in the interests of being left the hell alone for a few minutes! a-plus parenting, right here.)

    i wish we were closer. for lots of reasons, and also we would work on solving teh LONELY for you and bug. meh. xo

    1. HELLO!!!

      (I think a little media exposure - or even a lot - never did a kid much harm. Plus, not wanting to sell kids/ hide in closet crying = better parenting.)

      Also, YES. If you could convince Sugar to move down to VA you could be near your Cville pal.... and put up with 1000% more ignorant bigotry and legal annoyances, right? THE SOUTH.

  3. Anonymous9:44 AM

    these things are all the things that make moving suck a million times over. Waiting for this stuff to happen and worse - expending effort to make it so - is painful and lonely and exasperating. I won't offer any happy suggestions because, at least in my experience, everyone is different but time is the common denominator. I can say that there is such a thing as coconut butter which tastes okay with added cocoa powder and a bit of honey/agave if you can take it. you can buy it but if you can't find it, you can make it - just blend/food process the hell out of a bag of coconut until it's creamy. You can add a tbsp of coconut oil to help it along too.

    1. Indeed, these are precisely the things that time cures, but the waiting sucks. This is my (counting) 18th move, encompassing nine states and another country, and as I'm sure you well know, it doesn't suck any less the 18th time, right?

      I've made coconut butter; it IS pretty tasty! Hadn't tried the coconut oil trick.... I need more time and energy to cook. Mostly energy.

  4. Anonymous9:52 AM

    Sorry about the moving woes!
    Pickable wild raspberries nearby sounds heavenly.

    A thought about your last paragraph, which reminded me of myself a couple years ago. First, I know allergies are different than intolerances, and all are different than IBS. But, I have severe lactose intolerance and also had what the docs think is IBS, but suddenly it seemed like a lot of foods started causing me problems that hadn't before. *Not allergy symptoms, like yours, but still....* Turned out that I had a substantial overgrowth of bad bacteria in my gut, and after a long round of antibiotics for that (I know, you've been on antibiotics forever for thrush, but these were a kind formulated to be released in the gut specifically and to have less whole-body effects), and adding back good bacteria, I started to be able to eat foods that had previously troubled me.

    The up (or maybe down?) side is that I was also no longer losing weight without trying. WHich was scary at first, and then kind of fun to wear stuff I never could. Let's just say those days are gone and I am back to my body's more natural set-point.

    Your situation sounds like it could be totally different, but it could possibly have enough relation that I thought I'd mention it. Maybe it might help?

    Hope the moving situation and house situation settle out quickly!

    --Neighbor Lady

    1. They're really good raspberries too.

      Thanks for the tip- I'll keep it in mind for the next time I might be willing to consider antibiotics for non-life-threatening things, i.e. in about a year. :) Turns out a solid year of antibiotic woe has put me off them for just the now...

  5. Anonymous1:49 PM

    It's been Rough Times for quite a while. I mean, two young children is Rough Times all on its own, but Mystery Head Disease + Moving + well...enumerating your woes is probably not going to help because it will either depress you or I'll forget a bunch of them and that will be even sadder. BUT HEY! Some times it helps ME to remind myself that, after all, this is the life I chose. Not in a "my sadness and struggles don't matter and I need to shut up" way, but in a "I'm here because I want to be".


Comments are moderated, so it may take a day or two to show up. Anonymous comments will be deleted.