Tuesday, February 01, 2022

Job Description

Wanted: Spare biochemist to teach a dizzying array of courses to a dizzying array of students.  Must be firm with upper-class students, and gentle but firm to first-year students. Demonstrated ability to prevent everyone from incinerating either themselves or others, causing major property damage, or exploding the facilities while teaching lab.  The ability to counsel distraught students through family tragedies, failing exam grades, personal mental health crises, and over-commitment to athletics is highly desirable.  Note: the successful candidate will be required to perform these job duties during the permanently ongoing global pandemic without regard for whether any public or private schools, childcare, or camps are available.  To compensate, we offer a monthly webinar on self-care. 

Five-year contract.  Pays worse than an industry job watching paint dry straight out of college.  Evening hours required.  Submit proof of minimum ten (10) years post-secondary education while weeping and wishing you'd become an electrician.


  1. Academia is a racket. The majority of my graduate school contemporaries who went into acadamia have since regretted it and escaped. (A few appear happy with their life choices. One is tenured and the other has a MS and teaches labs.) Here's hoping you can also escape to greener pastures.

    Of course, my chosen career path of highly educated SAHM has about run its course and now I might need to find a "real job." That's its own problem.

    1. I blame my spouse, I had a perfectly good job...


Comments are moderated, so it may take a day or two to show up. Anonymous comments will be deleted.