Tuesday, February 24, 2015

All The Things. Now.

The baby, it turns out, has a lip tie in addition to the tongue tie.  So I also have to deal with that (at the hospital complex 45 minutes away).  I mention this only to say, it still hurts to nurse, and dammit, couldn't I have had ONE child without some kind of horrible nursing problem?  (No.)

I had almost forgotten the intense frustration of having an infant around.  It's so hard to do anything!  Any sustained effort is probably fruitless!  I want an hour alone and not in Walmart!  I will get these things once the baby is weaned.  It will be a long damn time.

The department secretary for Psuedo-Military U emailed me last week, asking for my resume for their Whatever Colleges of the South accreditation review.  Since I might be teaching again in the fall.

Although I know it would have been insane to teach with a three-week-old around, let me tell you how much I miss having a three-hour break each day from my darling children.  For which I got paid, instead of having to pay other people for it.  (Well.  I did have to pay for childcare but I still net got paid.)  So it's something to hope for.  The glamorous life of an adjunct who is married to a faculty member!  They know I'm not leaving town any time soon.

My overwhelming desire to be Elsewhere, Immediately (as opposed to be here now) is... slowly fading, however.  Newborns, well, they're very demanding and not very interactive.  And I lost a great deal of strength while I was pregnant, what with feeling ill and in pain all the time.  And the whole postpartum anxiety/I can't sleep/RUN it's a bear/Startle reflexes: they're not just for infants! is getting better but I think it's time to consult a trained medical professional of the psychiatrist persuasion because... shouldn't it be all better by now?  It's been eight whole weeks!  Sometimes there's a whole one day a week when I'm not woken up six times a night!  Why on earth would my brain think it needs to startle awake all the time?  Why are these things not all better NOW?


  1. Anonymous10:45 AM

    I have been reading this and I don't know if you read or see the anonymous comments, but I had similar experiences postpartum and support your idea of the psych professional. Hope it helps.

  2. Infant-hood is my least favorite time period. I want to fast forward to toddler-hood, which, for me, is an improvement. I definitely support the seeing someone of the psychiatric persuasion. At the very least, s/he can may be able to speed up making the PPA go away. I may end up consulting someone of that particular persuasion myself.

    1. I could do without the waking up because the furnace is switching on. The baby's bad enough (she's a baby. Therefore, hungry). I also enjoy toddlers more, not least because I can without guilt leave them in their beds for the whole night, ALONE. (Dear toddler, go the fuck to sleep, I will see you when the nightlight-on-a-timer comes on in the morning, goodnight.)

  3. You have the worst luck in the nursing babies arena. Perhaps after the lip-tie is fixed, there won't be pain many times per day! I second the psych idea, it can only help.

    Is your strength coming back yet? I sure hope so. It's hard enough dealing with a newborn and toddler while weak and tired, I can't actually imagine a schooler on top of that.

    Hooray for paid work that gives you some relief from your darling children!!

    1. Slowly improving in the strength department (with lots of exercise).

      Turns out the only independent psych in town is... on vacation until next Friday. And his voicemail is full. OH GOD THE (rural) SOUTH.

  4. Anonymous11:54 AM

    I'd settle for even a couple of these things being better for you NOW. I'm not greedy. As you obviously are, wanting to not feel like death 24-7.


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