Monday, January 12, 2015

In Which I Have a Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Week, and Lose My Tiny Mind

Dear Readers, I will summarize briefly while I have two hands (the baby is making grunting noises so I suspect pants).

1) Hospital.  The world's most hostile pediatrician, who did not listen to a single word I said, nearly refused to let us go home after 24 hours (I would have signed her out AMA with much strife, if necessary; also a hospital full of RSV and influenza is NOT a good place for a healthy baby).  For example, she said "Do you know why we give HepB at birth?" and I said "Because the initial CDC study showed better continuance but slightly worse immunity" and then she launched into "Newborns have immature immune systems..." which is true but ALSO functionally irrelevant.  Now imagine a half hour of this.  I was too upset to sleep afterwards.  She was the single most hostile bitch of a doctor I've ever met, and heaven knows I've met a few.

For bonus points, every single 'hospital policy' was designed to make the blood boil.  Want to walk down the hall with your baby so your spouse can sleep?  Against hospital policy.  Etc.

2) Tongue tie.  She had one.  The hospital nursery and the hostile ped both marked on the discharge report "tongue tie not noted".  Y'all, if it's bad enough that I can see it, it's there.  I thought it would be okay, until she was five days old, at which point it was all pointy daggers while you nurse.  Sadly, that was a Sunday.  On Monday, our regular doctor was out of town; his idiot receptionist  offered that I could talk to him the following week.  Um, NO.  So I cried on more receptionists until someone saw us that day (actually a really great doctor! naturally, the mother of one of Dr. S's students) and she arranged an  ENT appointment the next day to have it clipped.  At 6:45 AM at the hospital 45 minutes away, so I...

3) Left town.  I went to stay with our dear family friend in Next City Over so she could drive me around and feed me because actually, I hadn't slept more than 2 or 3 hours a day in... a week, by then.  And I stayed a second day because I finally realized that I had...

4) Severe postpartum anxiety!  Like being chased by a bear, but all the time!  The nice midwives ALSO gave me an appointment that day and asked me all the usual questions ('Have you had thoughts of harming yourself or others?' 'No.  I just want to SLEEP.') and then gave me a large-ish prescription for benzodiazapenes.  Which are great, and now I can sleep, but I cannot also have...

5) A stiff drink.

However, a net improvement of A LOT over last week.  Tomorrow Dr. S goes back to work.  I have given myself a full month to be a non-productive member of society and therefore have arranged our lives such that my sole non-baby commitment is to pick up Tatoe from preschool once a week.


  1. Anonymous9:58 AM

    "I have given myself a full month to be a non-productive member of society and therefore have arranged our lives such that my sole non-baby commitment is to pick up Tatoe from preschool once a week."

    That is a tremendous achievement in and of itself. Well done!

    Hopefully by then things will be better. And thank you for reminding me why I'm happy with just one child.

    1. I guess I also have to feed him lunch twice a week. However, my mom is awesome.

      I would have been FINE with two because duuuuuude babies are a lot of work. But, you know. SURPRISE!

  2. "I have given myself a full month to be a non-productive member of society and therefore have arranged our lives such that my sole non-baby commitment is to pick up Tatoe from preschool once a week."

    Hah. That's like being 90/hour per week resident or serving on the front lines, in terms of productivity, stress, sleep deprivation, and sheer work (though, fortunately, it might have less personal danger than serving on the front lines).

    Looking forward to more about your Baby New Year.

    1. At least nobody's shooting at me. The startle response to baby crying is similar, though (INCOMING!).

  3. Oh yes, tongue tie. The pain, the misery, the frustration. It took me 5 weeks to realise that was the problem and another week to weep at enough people for it to be snipped. You have my heart felt sympathy!

    And a *month*?!!! It took me a year of maternity leave and here I am another two years later and I'd be hard pushed to claim I'm productive (yeah, I *go* to work...) You're a hero to aim for a month!

    1. Well, I won't be working for MONEY until next fall at the earliest, so by productive I mean that I might do any of: groceries, laundry, breakfast, dinner, cleaning, child drop-off and pickup, paying bills.... all of which I currently decline to do. My spouse is, um, maybe a little overworked, and my mother's here five days a week. So I can get away with it.

      Five weeks, shudder. It took us 12 with Bug (misery, agony, FUCKING THRUSH). I'm just grateful my weeping had such an immediate effect! The ENT was really good too.

  4. I'm wondering if you are exceptionally unlucky with medical professionals or if I've just been really lucky for the most part (sure, there were outliers, but I think my average is still positive).
    Also, yeah, a month sounds like very little time for getting back to anything resembling productivity. Practice makes perfect?

    1. You might have more choice than us; this is a *very* small town! And you might be nicer than me too.

  5. Ugh...I can't stand hospitals and all their "rules". We went through that when son #1 was in the hospital for a week at 1 month, and then when I was in the hospital for a month in 2013. It can be very frustrating, and very demoralizing (I found we/I were treated like children more often that not, which does NOT help).

    Hope this week goes better!

  6. Anonymous5:15 PM

    Oh WOOOOOAAAH! I mean, I didn't expect your life to certainly become all magical unicorn land just because you were done gestating, but this seems like a pretty crappy entry into postpartum. I am SO SORRY. I hope no one #&#))$@!_ infringes on your month of Just Being in Charge of Keeping a Newborn Alive, as if that Isn't Plenty for one Person.


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