Monday, August 25, 2014

Snippets From Faculty Orientation

Stereotypically* jerky male engineer:  "And I say to my students, 'Well, if the CEO of the company were speaking, would you get up and leave the room to go to the bathroom?'  And none of them ever leave after that."
Me to female faculty next to me, in an undertone: "If the CEO were a jerk who had failed to account for my personal health and comfort, HELL YES I would get up and leave.  Jackass."
Middle-aged African-American registrar staff member, to everyone:  "That's nice but you should also remember that in a three-hour lab, with female students in your classes, sometimes they do need to go the bathroom.  Or people are sometimes ill.  So... no."

Head of the college: "And we had to modify some of our physical requirements because the female students just couldn't keep up."
Me: < envisions stone gargoyle falling on his head > 

(By the way, people, 2.5 hours is too long for the pregnant lady to sit still without a bathroom break, and she WILL get up and wander off for her health and comfort whether you're on schedule or not, and NO, not drinking water will NOT work.  Look here, old white dudes: I.  Don't.  Care.)

*Note I do not say typically.  Though that may also be, on average, accurate.


  1. Anonymous8:09 AM

    A particularly distasteful professor I had as an undergrad once chided me in class for having left the previous lecture hurriedly, without any explanation. He did have the grace to look abashed when I told him the alternate was that I throw up on the floor in front of his desk, rather than, as it transpired, in the bathroom down the hall.

    I'd be inclined to suggest to certain people that leaving to go to the bathroom is far preferable to the alternative...

    1. Ha ha ha. It's like you knew how to prioritize your own needs!

  2. Do they project all problems onto women? Also, is it even possible to give a 3h class in which every single sentence is so important that one cannot go to the bathroom? (And of course we'd still go anyways... but could some people please start taking themselves a little less seriously?)

    1. Mostly; no; and WE WISH. Not coincidentally, they have a real problem hiring female scientists as faculty.

  3. Anonymous1:29 PM

    I picture myself as the gingerbread man in his class. "I've peed in a cup in a moving car on the Jersey pike, and I'll pee in this classroom too, I can, I can."

    What a dick.

    1. Pretty much. I should add that the engineer spouse of a friend, who was organizing all the sessions and who also has small children, noticed me getting up and started calling unscheduled breaks more often, so there's some hope.


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