Monday, April 30, 2007

Best of the Month

Wondering about my committee meeting? Let's just say, they don't have a future in motivational speaking.

Sur ma tombe je veux qu'on inscrive, or, My Favorite Student Evaluations, All From the Same Class:

"I wish she'd gone over what was going to be on the quizzes more."

"Wouldn't tell us what would be on the test."

"Didn't go over the lectures enough."

"Covered too much material."

Memo: To all present and future meeting schedulers
Subject: Appropriate meeting times

To Whom It May Concern:
The following times are never acceptable: Monday morning at 8:30; Friday morning at 8:30; any morning before 9:30; during lunch; Friday at 4 PM; Saturday afternoon; Sunday morning; really weekends at all. Thank you.

Also: To the Collection Agency:

(Beep) This is Grasping, Greedy & Smith. Please be advised that we may try to collect money from you, and that our souls are currently in receivership. Please call us back at 1-800-SOULLESS. (Beep.)

"My name is Jenny F. Scientist, and my phone number is 666-666-6969. You keep calling me. Actually, you keep calling Tyrone Jones, case number 2894650. Tyrone doesn't live here! Tyrone has never lived here! I don't know who Tyrone is! Jenny lives here, and I'm a WHITE GIRL FROM VIRGINIA. Stop calling me! (Click.)"

Next day:
'This is CBC. May I speak with Tyrone Jones?'
'Are you the collection agency again? Tyrone doesn't live here! I don't even know who Tyrone is! Do I sound like a Tyrone? STOP CALLING ME!!'
'Do you have another number for him?'

Reminiscent of the woman who left my friend a detailed message about ordering a roast pig, and did they do coleslaw for 150? For next week? Despite the message that said 'Hi, this is Anne, have a blessed day' and not 'Hi, this is the Smokey Pig's Catering Office.'