Thursday, January 25, 2007

Veronica, We Expected Better (Or: Scientists in the Media)

It's official: It is a Week Of Snark.

But first, early mornings at the S household:

-I prefer frontal assaults.


Dear Veronica Mars Writers,

Your show, it is entertaining. I am willing to overlook how our intrepid sleuth screams when attacked (couldn't she kick someone in the groin, for once?) and her amazing propensity for not telling anyone where she's gone.

However, your last episode, 'Show Me The Monkey' (har. har.) needed some serious work. To wit: your portrayal of lab sucked.

  • Nobody stores their monkeys in the lab. This is what animal facilities are FOR.
  • Because to work with primates, or even be in a room with them, you need clearance, training, and a TB test. And then you have to swipe in.
  • And besides, who wants to work with a monkey in the lab?
  • Ditto on the rats. Ewwww.
  • Also, the chick next door? Nobody covers their entire lab space with experimental plants and grow lights. They make greenhouses for that. Really.
  • And while tea does live in lab, not so much next to the sink. Safety gets upset.
  • Nobody wears their lab coat all the time.
  • Much less into the school cafeteria.
  • And they didn't have anything in their pockets. And the coats were all clean. Come on.
  • And nobody's timer went off the whole episode.
  • That researcher chick is way too uptight.
  • Because a grad student's response to crash-and-burn is, Well, phooey; who's for a drink?
  • And by the way do you have any idea how much a research monkey COSTS?
  • Thousands of dollars. Like $5000 or $10,000. Each.
  • Plus the $50 per day per monkey to house them.
  • So you don't autopsy the damn monkey after you make it learn stuff.
  • And by the way, scientists have lives.
Thanks awfully,

A Socially Adjusted, Modest, Graceful, Interesting Scientist

P.S. Escaped large animals cause panic and government inquiries. Not: ordering another one.