Tuesday, September 24, 2019

A Very Specialized Imposter Syndrome

Right now I am teaching a very intense lecture in my speciality, as in I would say "I am a surfboard design specialist" and the whole class is in surfboard design.

I am walking up every week - sometimes every other day - at 2 am in a flat panic. My little bear brain is convinced that I'm doing a bad job (especially in the middle of the night) and is super anxious about it. I'm having stress induced migraines and I have a headache all the time and frankly I feel quite unwell.

And then there's the other FOUR whole goddamn classes I'm responsible for and inside my brain it feels like I have to run a half marathon every single day while people throw things at me and I keep dropping them (extremely heavy handed metaphor, brain! Thanks!) so every time I have to do something, more anxiety!!!!!! What if I'm doing it, but badly? What if I can't, really?

Only 9 more weeks. I can do 9 more weeks, right? RIGHT??

(Very deep breath.)


  1. I totally get this. You can do it.

  2. Teaching is a unique kind of relentless stress. I am sure you are doing a great job and I am sure the students are learning. It is interesting the overall stress manifests as pinpointed at what you arguably could be least stressed about.. five courses is far too many for one semester!

    1. Definitely too many! You'd think I'd be worried about something more reasonable, but no.


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