Dear Readers, my course is over for the year and I am bored.
You know what? I don't really value stay-at-home-parenting. It's necessary that someone should do all the Stuff but damn, I'd rather be doing something else. As a corollary, I have no plans to ever home-school because I value my professional labor over my child-wrangling/educating labor.* Also, the thought gives me hives. I pretty much loathe being stuck at home with screaming children and/or in Nap Jail, trying to make food I can't eat for children who are going to whine about it.**
I'm applying for jobs^ and talking to the new chair^^ and trying to work stuff out but people, this is a HARD time.
Problem: Boredom
Solutions: More stuff to do
Impediment: None of it is stuff I want to do (cleaning, laundry, fucking dinner fucking again)
Other Solutions: More job
Impediment: Two cows per person; county population 24,000
Problem: Many small children
Solution: Time, drinking
Impediment: Have had to give up drinking for boring medical reasons
Other Solutions: More chocolate
Problem: Lack of employment
Solution: Apply for more jobs
Impediment: Lack of jobs
Other Solutions: More chocolate; more gym
Problem: Loneliness
Solution: Talk to people more
Impediment: I don't like people
Other Solutions: Find more logical/rational people. Where ARE they?
* Notice how I don't say I would never. I recognize that there are many life circumstances that may make home-schooling rewarding, necessary, or Something That Is Happening. Great for you! Not great for me. Also not, at the moment, necessary for me.
** Overlapping set of things I can eat that the children will reliably eat: hummus, tortilla chips, scrambled eggs. Citrus fruit and pineapple. ... that's pretty much it. We discourage the whining with great vigor, and yet.
^ All one of them that pay above $10/hour
^^ SOMEtime, who knows when, for Boring Academic Politics Reasons.
Yes, you do have a problem. I hope a job does come through for you, and you can buy some childcare (and perhaps hire a maid to do boring cleaning tasks!) The different mental stimulation would be good for you, and perhaps there would be some more rational people in your workplace... It's not that high a bar that some SAHM's of Rural County have set.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking a slightly different approach to my own highly educated yet SAHM path. Planting ALL the things helps, as well as drawing up planting plans for friends and neighbors. I'm researching home decorating and fashion, which is weird but new. I'm learning to run and like it, which previously I would have said was impossible. Obviously it's easier since both my kids are in school. Also my nearby SAHM friends are generally rational creatures, if much more conservative than me.
Today I was reminded of the privilege of being a SAHM. C1 is being bullied at school and another mom witnessed an incident Friday. She told me about it when I walked C2 to school, and we went straight to the principal's office. I'm able to have an hour meeting in the middle of the day, and able to now walk my kids home from school for the last 13 days of the school year. Also able to go vent to a friend and be convinced not to put the fear of God into the little bullying shit, but let the school handle it. Sometimes I hate being a responsible grown-up.
Blarg. I'm so sorry. I suppose that some of these problems will go away with time, but others never will, and I guess you'll have to decide: Does this life suck enough that I can't do it anymore? I'm curious how the spouse feels about things. Is HE happy at least or is he just doing the working parent version of the same thing?
ReplyDeleteThe spouse is perfectly content. He has a great department, adequate salary and funding, and not-boring things to do with his day. He's published! He has a lab and research students! He gets a pre tenure leave next year! Aside from dropping kids off and doing baths and washing dishes, I take care of everything else.
DeleteObviously, some things are going to have to change, or we're going to have to leave, which nobody wants.