Wednesday, November 11, 2015

What To Do.

Lately, while nursing the baby (ENDLESSLY) I've been reading Captain Awkward and, aside from giving me a Serious Complex about my parenting (am I that toxic parent? will this be my children in twenty years?  then I stopped reading it) it's reinforced to me: boundaries and choices are about limits and acceptable consequences.

So I keep thinking of things to write about and then realizing I need to be honest with myself and then I will no longer have Questions other than, am I actually willing to do X?  (Probably not.)

How do I respond to my crazy sister's crazy message "I haven't been stabbed!  I don't know if you were worrying!"?  (Don't respond.  You can only think of snarky or too-honest things like "YOU DON'T SAY" and "You're an idiot, don't talk to me until you grow up some OH WAIT you weren't talking to me anyways.")

Why am I depressed?  (Pain.  Fatigue due to not being able to sleep due to pain.  Loneliness due to no energy to do stuff due to pain.  Plus a screaming, horrible four year old who deliberately wets his pants. Next stops: ENT, then M&M bribes.)

Why am I not losing the last of the baby weight?  (Chocolate plus the previous.)

Am I a terrible parent?  (Sometimes.  Sometimes every parent is a terrible parent.)

Am I mediocre at every single thing I do?  (Quite possibly.  There's room for improvement.)

Is my job meaningful at all, or am I babysitting college students?  (Yes.)

Will Bug ever stop whining about his homework?  (Probably not.  My response, by the way, is to tell him that his homework is his problem and if he doesn't want to do it he can write a note to his teacher, but I won't force him.  Because I WON'T.

Would 10% more disposable income allow me to buy my way out of  some things?  (YES.  ALL THE YES.)

Will this all get better some day?  (Some day.)


  1. 1. Your non-response to your sister is probably the right one. I don't know if I could be as restrained.
    2. Yes, pain is certainly a major factor in your depression! I bet you're not able to carve out enough time for exercise, either.
    3. I was completely unable to lose baby weight until I was done nursing. My body said, "Nope! You need that extra fat." She'll stop nursing eventually.
    4. Oh, yes. I was having a "gee, I was a terrible parent right there" moment yesterday. The kids bugging me while I'm cooking dinner is my Achilles heel.
    5. You make excellent jam, and always know where to acquire roadside fruit. I also like your cooking. You excel at many things!
    6. Someone's gotta do it? Besides, they pay you. Money is meaningful.
    7. Speaking of money and homework, we've instituted a policy. If you do your homework cheerfully right after school (or perhaps after a snack), you get a quarter. School is their job, I'm willing to pay them for it. Whining, crying, throwing of pencils, etc gets you no quarter. Not doing homework gets you consequences at school. I don't badger the boys, they just get it done.
    8. Yes, but I'm sure there would be yet more things to buy with the extra 10%.
    9. Definitely!!

    1. Oh, man, it never occurred to me to PAY him. It's four nights a week! School is only 40 weeks! Maybe less! This is totally worth $40 to me. I'm going to go get quarters tomorrow! I can give him tzedakah money too! Brilliant. Did I tell you I joined the Y here? They watch my children while I exercise. So I force myself to go 2-3 times a week. And to be fair to myself it's five pounds of baby weight. Which is not terrible. And thank you for the jam compliment! I am ALSO quite fond of your jam and cooking and those lamb bacon tamales were sooooo good.

  2. We're all crappy parents sometimes. As long as the "sometimes" doesn't drift to "all the time", then don't panic.

    Erk. Homework. I am NOT looking forward to that particular feature of the future. Bribery sounds good though.


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