Thursday, February 27, 2014

Why Everything Takes Forever

12:00 Preschool pickup.  Bug throws a tantrum, as usual, and we stand outside the car for ten minutes until he stops waving his arms around and screaming.
12:15  Tatoe gets eyedrops, by which I mean I pry his eyelids open and drop the antibiotic in.
12:20 Lunch.  My children are the slowest eaters in ever.  I manage to eat a bowl of reheated lima beans.   They have five arguments (you a duck!  no, I'm not!  yes, you is!  no, I'm not!  I was first!  no, you weren't!) until I tell them that they can either eat or argue, but not both.
12:50 Bug gets a time-out.  I don't even remember why.
1:00 I finally take a thrashing Tatoe upstairs for a diaper and a nap.  He screams.
1:10 I read Bug his books and shut the door for 'quiet time', also known as 'Mama needs to go lay down in a quiet room now.'
2:15 I go to get Bug.  He is fast asleep.
2:20 Tatoe wakes up screaming. I ignore him and do the rest of my looking-things-up-on-the-internet.
2:30 The military jets do their daily supersonic low-altitude flyover.  I curse at them. Tatoe wakes up screaming.  I ignore him.
3:00 Tatoe wakes up screaming again.  I wake Bug up and we all go downstairs.  Tatoe gets eyedrops AGAIN.
3:15 Tatoe wails piteously 'I want GWAMPA!' for the ninth time today.  We call my dad on Skype and the children sing him songs and tell him fifteen times 'I had a doughnut today!  I ate the whole thing!'  The dog pants at them.
3:45 I look at real estate briefly.
4:00 We try to leave the house.  Tatoe needs a diaper.  It takes five minutes to convince him to go upstairs.  Then he wants to pee on the big boy potty.  My spouse has let him pee in the froggy potty last night, but not emptied it; this morning I put water in and forgot it.  Tatoe, moving it out of the way, spills it all over the floor.
4:15 I finish washing the bathroom floor, my hands, my feet, Tatoe's hands, and everything in between.  Tatoe gets a new diaper.  The children clean up the toy tornado in the living room.
4:30 Bug starts wailing about wearing shoes!  And he can't find his sweater! (It's eight inches away, on the floor.) And wearing boots!  And he wants a helicopter!  I lie down on the couch.
4:45  He finally finds his sweater and puts it on.
4:46 Tatoe makes a dirty diaper.
4:50 I finish writing this, take off everyone's shoes, and go make a cup of tea.


  1. Hahahaha... SOB. I laugh because otherwise I'd cry.

    I can assure you that all of this will get better with time. Eventually they'll both be in school, and you will get whole hours of quiet!

    Once Tatoe potty-trains and Bug is in school full time, it will be a little better. Then they'll both be in school, and it will be a LOT better.

    1. Hmm, apparently my last paragraph didn't mysteriously disappear. Sorry for being repetitive.

  2. I can ONLY HOPE. (I mean, you'd know.)

    I forgot to add for each potty trip: "Tatoe insists on a complete de-trousering. He compulsively puts everything in the bathroom back where it started, one thing at a time. Then he rolls around on the floor for five minutes, giggling and attempting to re-trouser because 'I do it MYSELF!'"

  3. Did I ever tell you that C1 stripped entirely naked every time he went to the potty? And, that he really never wanted to put his clothes back on. It was fine when we were at home as I didn't care if he ran around naked. (That one day in March when he decided to climb the tree in the backyard STARK naked was a bit awkward.) It was a bit of an issue at preschool though. "C1 decided to run naked circles around the class as everyone was in circle time today. He really needs to learn to put his clothes back on after using the potty." said his wonderfully patient preschool teacher.

  4. Ho boy...I hear you, but not quite that bad yet! It'll be interesting once C is 1-ish and walking and being otherwise crazy! Fingers crossed it gets better and quickly, right? :D

    1. Today it is 60 degrees outside. And tomorrow it is snowing six to eight inches, after icing over everything tonight. Summer! I want summer back!

  5. Don't you have a picture of him naked halfway up the tree?

    1. Yes, yes I do. When my children do something crazy the first thing I do is grab my camera. I'm also rather fond of the time they found a bucket of mud and plastered it all over each other and the house. Good times.

  6. Anonymous9:34 AM

    Oh yes. I keep thinking that leaving the house will be easier when we can do without coats and shoes, but of course then there's sunscreen and hats and...


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