Monday, March 18, 2013

Two Unrelated Things

1) Oh hey, look.  There's real data showing that having an occasional drink while pregnant (or breastfeeding, one presumes, when the child will get much less exposure) causes no lasting damage. The cohort referenced, the UK Millennium Cohort, is one of those statistician's-dreams: a country with socialized medicine where almost every birth is registered. 

2) This excerpt (below) is what I want to email to my erstwhile friend C.  Would that be rude?  (Yes. That would be very rude.)
"Q: How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?
For me, the weakest point of my marriage is the risk of falling into a mother-child relationship with my husband. Anyone who can’t be trusted to do their share of household chores is not an adult. [...] The more powerful members of society never do understand what it’s like to be the less powerful member. That’s one of the perks of power – everything seems fair from where you’re standing."
(h/t to blue milk)


  1. 1) I think frequent drunken rampages are harmful to the fetus, but our society does seem to think a sip of anything alcoholic will lead to lasting damage. At the library this weekend, a family was interviewing a doula in the child's play area. "You want to give your baby every edge possible," the doula said. Seriously? A doula will give your baby an edge? I think it might make a mom more comfortable, which is great, but parents stress about WAY too much stuff that doesn't really matter. I had a small glass of sangria when I was 5 months pregnant with C1. I believe it had zero affect on him. Now, the months of stress leading up to my prelim, I do wonder about.

    2) I think it's possible to email the article to your friend without being rude. "I really loved this article, and I want to share it with my good friends!" I'd say the chances are low of it making a difference to her life, since she's in pretty deep already. (Perhaps her mother treated her father like a child, and that's how she believes families should work.

    Q: If anything, motherhood has made me more feminist. Which is somewhat ironic, since I'm currently fulfilling the 50's ideal of stay-at-home wife and mom. The BEST decision of my marriage has been to have Patrick stay at home with infant C1 for four months while I went back to work full-time. Even though I'm home now, he understands what my days are like, and we are equals. Not once has he said, "I work, so it's my money," or "What did you DO all day?" He's a keeper.

    1. 1) The landmark NIH study defines 'moderate drinking' (which they show is harmful) as three to five drinks A DAY. And ha, the doula... but you know, birth trauma has such a lasting effect and Tatoe is surely doomed because I had an epidural. (Sweet, sweet epidural.)

      2) I think she would not get how it applied to her. Her parents certainly had a very unfortunate relationship; I didn't see enough of it to know exactly where this comes from - other than, well, the last ten years of their own marriage...

      I should perhaps answer that question myself, too! One day. :) A grad school buddy asked me recently what the hell happened to the young professional woman he used to know and I said "Life." (Dr. S also did that with Bug, and likewise, never complains about, oh, how I never clean or fold laundry. For example.)

  2. 1. Well what the heck do you know? This might explain why EVERY PREVIOUS GENERATION has been basically okay. Just sayin'. (Too bad my reflux while pregnant was more than sufficient to keep me off the sauce.)

    2. Yes, rude. But also something I want to say to at least 50% of the straight married women I know. It is amazing, what the dominant culture considers normal. It is also other things I could mention, like appalling.

    1. 1) Me too! Except it was nausea.

      2) Hmm... maybe this also explains why I dislike so many of the straight married people I know.

  3. Anonymous1:04 PM

    1. HA! Americans are so bad about moderation. I guess. Or maybe someone thinks we are. I remember the look of total SHOCK and DISAPROVAL on the faces of the many people who asked me about alcohol consumption during my pregnancies prior to my c-sections. Way to encourage people to lie, y'all.
    2. HOLLA! On the excerpt. Will try to read the article later. One of the tensions in my marriage is that my husband CAN, but not always on my timeline, which does lead to me being a fucking nag.
    -Bunny (can't comment using open id on blogger these days.)

    1. I am sorry that Blogger hates everyone. Alas.

      I think of House every time I lie to a medical professional. I'm sure your occasional drink has DOOOOOMED your children. Yours and mine can get together and nom on mostly-empty beer bottles together.

      I think we're the other way around; I never clean anything on HIS timeline. Plus, on account of weaning, I may have to return to dish-washing greater than 2% of the time. Sniff.


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