Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I still keep in touch with a couple friends from high school, including my slowly-cooling relationship with C, who you may remember.  C is expecting her third child; her spouse is still in grad school (he STILL!!!! has not finished those papers!) and they are still all four-and-a-fetus living on a humanities grad student's salary, roughly $25,000, in Big East Coast City.   

I called her this week, because I wanted to offer to make something for this child.  I did for the other two, after all.  I asked C if she needed anything, or wanted a less worn/ugly exemplar of something.  And she said "Oh... I think some crib sheets would be good, but knit ones because the other kind are kind of cold on their skin, and not flannel because I wouldn't want to use them in winter and I don't have enough storage space, and red, but not too red, or maybe green, but not kelly green or forest green.  Perhaps polka dots, but only if they match the red valence that I have, and the ruffle has ladybugs on it but I don't want to do ladybugs* if it's a boy** and... " then I tuned it out.

All I could think was what. the. !@$%****

* WHY NOT? They're so CUTE!!
** Because clearly then he would grow up to be gay.***  Or something.
*** Bug has an eyelet lace dust ruffle on his crib, which I made.  It's cute.  He doesn't care.  If he wants lacy pillowcases when he's 15, I'll make them too.  Or cars.  Or bugs.  Or unicorns.  I don't care.
**** After our wedding I wrote a whole series of mendacious thank-you notes for things I returned ("Thank you for the hideous green sheets and well-meant but completely useless tool set;, we already have four hammers." [Not really; I wrote "Thank you for your thoughtful gift" etc.])  because I was taught that one should be GRACIOUS.


  1. hmmm, polka dots, red, no green, no ladybugs. and you're on a budget, too....

    i have solved your problem. buy plain white sheet -- knit, of course, because HEAVEN FORFEND -- some of that stuff that goes in your printer and makes an iron-on decal. make a whole bunch of these -- or maybe just one big one, tiled together -- iron on, and VI-OLA. one red-polka dot, non-ladybug sheet, coming up.

  2. Wow...that is really annoying! I can see why this is a slowly-cooling relationship.

  3. Sigh. The word ungracious comes to mind. And for a moment I thought you actually made the eyelet fabric...

  4. Ooo, these people sound like the kind that are fun to have around because one feels sooooo terribly superior. Even inferior people like me can feel superior, because I can finish papers! And be gracious occasionally!

    Maybe the kind way to interpret her precise request is that she wants it to be something she will genuinely love and not just have to suffer with? You know, she wants to think of you fondly every time she uses them?

  5. Anonymous5:18 PM

    My son has ladybug sheets, as it happens. And I agree: they're cute!

  6. Bunny: that is very charitable. Were she less consistently full of THE CONTROLLING CRAZY I would be more inclined to believe it. :) I'm sure she does want it just so... like everything else. Possibly because of her husband, actually.

    And Bionic, brilliant! Perhaps I could use a Sharpie instead. Actually I think we have some left-over print-on-iron-on fabric stuff (I never throw anything away).

    Amelie: ha, blame my bad grammar.


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