Friday, January 12, 2007

Unpublished Letters of an Editor

Dear Author,

Dude, thanks for calling our long-suffering staff editor four (4) times from Brazil! According to our lame-o records, you sent us that manuscript two years ago. Are you up for tenure, or perhaps grant renewal? Normal humans would have a) withdrawn the MS long ago; b) called a year ago; or c) assumed the answer was NO. Which it is. Yo, if we're going to publish, we bloody well write.

Actually, why did you bother submitting it? It sucked. We don't care what happens when you label Chemical X and feed it to rats. It goes to the kidneys? YOU DON'T SAY.

In case you're still wondering, the answer is, rejected without review. Cheers!

Sincerely yours,

Annoyed Editor

P.S. We deeply (okay, maybe not so deeply) regret the delay. Our whole staff quit one day last March. We can't even find our subscriber list! You're lucky we remember who you are! Sorry!