Monday, August 01, 2016

Friendship, Part 5, Or: People I Wish I Liked

Do you ever meet people (in person, that is) and you... want to like them, but something is just not right for a friendship or, indeed, any degree of real intimacy?  Especially in Small Town USA here, I often meet people and think, not that they could be my friends, but that I wish I could want to be friends with them.  (In other words, I wish they were themselves, but without one or more completely objectionable traits.)

The latest crop includes, but is not limited to:

1) A wide array of One True Way people.  Evangelical vegans.  Homeschoolers who believe- and tell you!- that no child could get a decent education at a public school, and besides, it'll damage the little darlings.  Evangelizing Christians.  Evangelizing anyone.  I have examined my life choices, thank you, and while they may not all be optimal, they are mine.

2) People with Deep Personal Stuff that they have made, and are making, no effort to sort out.  Untreated severe eating disorders.  Anxiety.  Depression.  Not people who have sought treatment and it wasn't effective; not people who are working through different options.  People who literally won't leave the house for half a year in case they might catch a cold.

3) People who say one thing and do the exact opposite.  And then are puzzled about the results.  As in, "I am really bored!  I really want to work!" And then not applying for a single job.  What... did you think was going to happen?  Or people who really want their child to sleep through the night but give them milk and cookies at 3 AM every night. That's precisely the opposite of how to get the desired result.

4) People for whom no amount of 'proof' is ever enough.  See also: all the rabid Hillary haters, vaccine deniers, and antiscientific nuts who think turmeric cures arthritis.

5) Everyone who truly believes a woman should never have the right to choose an abortion. (Edit: just people who think NEVER.  Not the life or health of the pregnant person, not an ectopic, not incest or rape, not fatal birth defects.  I have one strongly anti-choice not-close friend but she also believes that access to birth control and social services and food stamps and stopping POC being killed on the streets is part of being against abortion.)


  1. The Faux Bros who are Bernie all the way until it comes to their lives and their special snowflakes (go to school with poor children?! The horror!). I've been struggling with this lately, like why can't I be friends with people who annoy me 84% of the time? Why do I have to be so picky? I feel like some people can do it.

    1. I feel like I could maybe be friends with people who annoy me 50% of the time. Not close friends. But... no. Also, give it up, Bernie Bros of all stripes. This is not a parliamentary democracy.

  2. Ever since DC2 was born, I just don't have the energy or desire to socialize with most of the people around here, even the completely unobjectionable people who are good people without really annoying problems. It's all on me, not on them.

    ... but back in paradise this past year where we have friends we've kept in touch with since high school and college and graduate school, it was worth socializing once or twice a week instead of reading a book or hitting reload on the internet.

    Of course, I'm not very interesting or sought out for socializing around here either, so it's not like we're turning down invitations we don't want.


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