It's surprisingly hard to produce readable English on a tablet. But, you know, I need to write to retain my sanity. So forgive us our linguistic trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
I feel most amazingly trapped. In large part by breastfeeding, which prevents me from, say, gardening, or going to the gym, or knitting, or going to knitting, or... you get the idea. I know that this too shall pass, but if people would stop telling me I'll miss it, I'd be grateful.
In related news, Sweetpea has consented to take a bottle three! whole! times! In retrospect, however, right after she rolled over the first time (and was consequently in a righteous fury) was not the best time for today's bottle. So far, so goaty. (Not a typo; this. Due to my cow dairy allergy and her eczema I was hesitant to give her cow or soy yet.)
Because I'm a terrible mother, I also gave her a little banana today at 4.5 months. She loved it, and I was getting tired of the piteous crying every time she smelled food.
This may be a product of my trapped depressed feeling like nobody listens to me and my mommying work has no value to me.... but I kind of want to become a lactation consultant. It would take me at least eight years, I estimate, since this would be a seriously part time endeavor. It's somewhat problematic that the main route now is as a LLL leader, since I'm cruelly weaning my baby (slowly) with a complete disregard for how I should be a miserable milk machine for her sake until next December. How dare I prioritize my own needs? Nonetheless. This is born in part from the feeling that there should be more LCs in the world who say 'It's okay to wean your baby. It's okay to hate nursing or even just dislike it. It's okay to NOT nurse your toddler on demand if you don't want. Nursing does not have to be a magical bonding experience. All that HAS to happen is your baby HAS to be fed something. Breastmilk probably has minimal real benefits. If you want to breastfeed I will do my best to help, support, and educate you, but if you choose not to, or to add in formula, I will also help, support, and educate you. And I will try to help you feel good and not guilty about your choices because breast is not always best.' And it is also born of the feeling that I have never met a LC - except my doctor in Cold State- who actually said those words to me. (In fact she said something like, a chronic infection with severe pain is a medically indicated and completely reasonable reason to wean your child, and I will help you as best I can until you are ready to wean him. So good for her.)