As is our annual custom, my spouse is out of town with the children while I enjoy five glorious days of being home alone, binge-watching television, knitting, and eating ginger cake for breakfast.
I have heard the most remarkable 'I've never considered outside my own experience' comments in the last few weeks.
"Isn't it so sad to be alone on Christmas?" I don't know, do you feel sad if you're alone on Pesach? What's that? Pesach has no meaning to you? Fancy that.
"Don't you like the lights?" I find them amusing- especially if they are tacky. Aside from that I find it peculiar and incomprehensible. Baby jesus --> flashing fake icicles??? Light up wire framed hippos wearing a scarf? Inflatable dinosaurs? What is with Christians?
"Don't you like Christmas Story/ The Grinch/ Charlie Brown's Christmas?" No. NO. Really no.
"But Christmas is a secular holiday!" Lady, it's right in the name. Christ's Mass. It's as secular as Hanukkah or Eid. Do you celebrate either of those? No? Well, I don't celebrate yours.
"What about your kids?" My kid yelled "WE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS" at a little old lady in the W@lmart parking lot one year. The same kid just told her best bud that Santa isn't real.* I think they're pretty clear on their religious and cultural identity.
"But it's everywhere!" Yes, and if I never hear another Christmas song, I'll die happy, I assure you.
And finally, a very well-meaning inquiry if I wanted to go to the carol-singing/tree lighting in town. No, I find it offensive and borderline illegal that we are spending public funds to do that, but thank you all the same.
ETA: Behold a truly epic display from Cold City, courtesy of N.:
* Which did cause some strife but honestly it never occurred to me that I should lie to my own children about a strange custom observed by other people? And before you ask, no, we don't pretend about any mythical things, including the tooth fairy. If they get rid of their own teeth I give them cold hard cash in return. However, I probably should have specified "just smile and nod, don't spoil it for other kids, Christians are weird like that."
Is it possible for me to post an image? I really do want to submit the inflatable Christmas Dinosaur anchoring my neighbor's yard display. To be fair, I do not actually know if they are Christian.
ReplyDeletePeople are aggressively telling me Merry Christmas this year, which is weird. Liberal Cold City has usually gone with Happy Holidays as long as I can remember. Maybe next year I'll keep a spreadsheet on my phone and have actual data to analyze. I'm Lutheran, so I guess it's an appropriate greeting, but can they really tell by looking at me? I'm not wearing a cross around my neck. (Another macabre Christian tradition, when you really stop to think about it. The Amazon series Carnival Row's messiah was executed via hanging, so people wear ropes around their necks.)
Enjoy your yearly vacation from your children and spouse! I have never once thought you would be lonely or sad.
Well, you can always email it to me and I'll put it up! (I feel that Default Christian With Inflatable Dino probably counts as probably christian.)
DeleteReligion is WEIRD.
People are so weird.
ReplyDelete