Ear status: better than it was, but not great. I don't want to die any more! But I could really go for some nice narcotics. (Yes, I have other drugs; no, nothing is as good as narcotics. Except maybe FIXING MY !@#$ EAR.)
Recipe: Because I live in the middle of nowhere, we are amply supplied with nature, mountains, fresh eggs, livestock, and local vegetables. We are not amply supplied with stores. It is not possible to buy fake-butter for baking without driving for hours. Hence: my version, made from what I can get locally or order from the internet (ALL HAIL).
Fake Butter-Flavored Earth Balance Baking Sticks Shortening (non-hydrogenated, vegan)
110 g cold water
2 T pea protein
2 T soy lecithin
2-3 t salt
500 g unrefined coconut oil (such as Lou-Ana, Kroger brand, or whatever is handy - the kind that melts at 72 F, not 90 F)
350 g palm shortening
150 g canola oil
Optional: 1/2 dram Lor-ann artifical butter flavor or the flavoring of your choice
Mix the water with the protein and lecithin and let sit at least an hour until the lecithin is fully dissolved. Add the salt.
Melt the solid oils in the microwave or on the stove until they are at least 90% liquid. Mix with a hand mixer or stand mixer until fully blended. Add butter flavor if desired (it contains no dairy). While beating, pour in the water mixture slowly.
Store in a covered container in the refrigerator. This shortening is soft at room temperature, mostly solid in the refrigerator, and melts a lot like butter. Good for cookies, where pure coconut oil gives structural failure and pure palm oil gives a strange waxy taste.
Any neutral-flavored liquid oil can sub for canola. I don't recommend olive oil; it gives a very strong flavor.
You could probably use soy or rice protein. I haven't tried either.
Many co-op/organic type stores will sell soy lecithin by the ounce if you don't want a whole pound. You can put the extra in bread dough a tablespoon or two at a time. Sunflower or egg lecithin would also work.