Thursday, February 18, 2016

Narrow Escapes

When I was in college I dated this guy - nice guy, though a bit of a culturally normative misogynistic bastard.  (Autonomy and respect, you see, are less important than a dude's ability to feel manly.)

Anyhow, it's been so many years that I barely remember why I ditched his morose ass, except for the last part, where I said 'You know what?  You're right!  I was always going to break up with you some day and that day is TODAY!'

I'm so glad I didn't stay trapped in that terrible relationship.  My boundaries are, yea verily, like unto granite; my spouse is supportive and respectful; and when I buy him half-off Valentine's chocolate every year, he recognizes it as an expression of my most frugal affection.

Who's your narrow escape?


  1. Anonymous9:52 AM

    My first boyfriend. I was a senior in high school, he was a freshman in college. We'd been going out for about 5 months and he was talking of marriage (not immediately, but eventually). I went to Europe for three weeks (first time to Europe) and came back 100% convinced I could not marry him. It took another, awkward, month before I was able to tell him this...

    Those three weeks were incredibly formative, and a big part of why I've now lived in Europe for over a decade.

    1. Good reasons to NOT marry the person we were dating at 18! (Sometimes. By which I mean most of the time.)

  2. Your "the last part" made me laugh. Out loud, as the kids say. My narrow escape was also in college. He was horrible in a way that seemed romantic at first, but that I now recognize as undiagnosed Asperger's. And not in a "everyone's on the spectrum these days" way, in a that guy definitely had Asperger's way. When I broke up with him he cried and said "I thought we were going to get married", nevermind the fact that we could barely function as a couple. When I learned years later that he had died in a rock climbing accident I was **relieved**, knowing he would never bother me again. And yes, I thank him for teaching me about the kind of person I actually wanted to be with.

    1. I was really annoyed by that point.

      Ergh, weird exes. Now you're reminding me of the strange Russian mathematician I once dated and then never spoke to again.

  3. Oh, so many to choose from! How about the French self-hating neo-con Jew who declared that he would decide, for the health of the baby, when I would go to the hospital if I were in labour (which would have been way earlier than I would have wanted and way earlier than medically necessary)? This was just a hypothetical situation, but still, it seemed like pretty good grounds for breaking up.

    And of course there's the guy who wrote to my parents after I broke up with him (to tell them what a horrible person I was)...

    And then there's the most recent one I didn't even have a chance to break up with, since it didn't go very far once he told me that he had a girlfriend.

    I think I've had enough narrow escapes for one lifetime, thank you!

    It was glorious to be in France for Valentine's Day and to remain almost oblivious to its existence.

    1. Oh yes, and there's the Moroccan guy I convinced you not to date. If of told you why, I'm sure you'd consider him a narrow escape too!

      The French dude sounds a rare treat. Definitely grounds for summary dismissal.

  4. The charismatic and deeply unbalanced friend/major crush of first year of college. Man, I am SO GLAD the feeling was not mutual, even if I ate my heart out over it at the time. This is the only friend I can think of whose behavior towards me inspired observers to ask if I knew what an abusive relationship was. (I did not, apparently.) Blocked on all manner of social media thanks to a tendency to contact me to apologize in the most patronizing ways possible.

    Plus she once deliberately used said crush to manipulate me into ironing a really dumb shirt of hers so she could go on a date. Blah. (I have gotten much better at telling people to fuck right off, I'm happy to say.)

  5. Very similar, except that I didn't have the balls to do anything except say "I'm going to Europe and don't want a boyfriend so TTFN." And then he met someone while I was away, and I was truly free.

    I thank my lucky stars, all the time, and I plan on raising my daughter to be bold enough to bail out of a relationship.


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