Thursday, March 26, 2015

In Which I Discover I Didn't Really Mean It

Dear Readers, I DO have mastitis!  (That is an exclamation point of WOE.)  I went and saw the smart lady doctor (my spouse teaches her son but this is a small town so we get used to this stuff.  For reference, the total 'city' land area is 2.5 square miles.)   And I am taking antibiotics (again!).  And fluconazole.  It turns out I really, really didn't want to wean the baby, no matter what I told myself.

So far, it got better, and now it feels a little worse (t=3.5 days).  I may have forgotten a dose in my sleep-deprived haze.  I keep telling myself it will be okay either way - and it will- but every time it gets a little worse I am basically sitting with a hot pack on my nipple, sobbing.  I'm not entirely sure the antibiotics are working.  I am trying to not succumb to despair.  She's only twelve weeks old.  I'm really, really not ready to wean her, and I feel terrible about having her lip tie clipped if it's going to be for nothing (even though she was totally fine by that afternoon).  WAAAAAAAH.

7 comments:

  1. Oh crap :( Sorry to hear that the Killer Mastitis has struck. Keeping fingers crossed that this time the antibiotics and hot packs and all the rest help. I now feel incredibly lucky at how quickly I got rid of the mastitis I developed.

    PS Don't punish yourself about the lip tie. You made a decision based on the situation at the time, which is that you were breastfeeding. And she was totally fine.

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  2. I agree with Physics Bear. And, Sweet Pea was totally fine by that afternoon.

    Did I ever tell you about the time 5-week old C2 was hospitalized on Christmas Day after a spinal tap? It took three tries and 30 minutes, and turned out to be unnecessary because Connor's original blood sample was contaminated by a nurse not wearing gloves. On the upside, he can't remember any of it.

    Also, FWIW, my mom breasted me for 2 months, which she considered a long time. And I turned out fine!

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  3. Mastitis. My youngest child is 20 years old, but I haven't forgotten how painful mastitis was. I can remember just standing in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on me, and wondering when I'd feel normal again.

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  4. I remember standing in the kitchen, bent over the work surface, lowering one red, inflamed, lumpy boob into a bowl of warm water and begging it to stop hurting! It's amazing we've survived this long as a species really...

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  5. Oh Jenny. I'm so sorry. When I used to read about mastitis I'd think Gee, that sounds awful. Then I had a bout and now I think HOW CAN ANYONE WHO HAS IT CHRONICALLY NOT HAVE KILLED HERSELF. It is so, so BAD.

    I see the others are delicately not saying anything about the wean/ don't wean decision. You've said you're not ready, and of course it's nobody's business what you do. But, I'm thinking about the fact that you've been suffering physically in so many ways for so long, so acutely. If you don't wean you will likely suffer acutely for quite some time. Maybe you feel like you can't make a decision that prioritizes your well being over hers. But you are a scientist, so you can evaluate the benefits of breastmilk, and hey, it that's what's holding you back, no doubt your tiny middle of nowhere town has a milk bank! HA HA HA. But for serious, you have already provided her with many of the benefits of nursing. You have nursed her for 12 glorious weeks! And factor all the "mothers are required to sacrifice everything and ignore their own needs" cultural bullshit out of the picture if you possibly can. YOU are so, so important. A mama who is not feeling like death is a better mama than one who is. Even if she comes with bottle of formula. Breast is best...until it isn't.

    And the tongue tie clip will help her pronounce retroflex consonants when she learns Hindi. But for real, she was FINE and it was the best choice.

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    1. No milk bank naturally BUT I'm friends with a lady who owns a state licensed goat dairy. I'm really okay with that as a second choice, and of course formula is fine too, but goat milk fresh from the goat (and pasteurized) sounds a little more like food. Some small compensations for living in the hills!

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  6. Ouch. I'm sorry. I keep getting clogged ducts in the same region, so I assume there's some structural reason (the pump has trouble emptying that side, too). Luckily most of the time I can get it to unclog with a lot of squeezing before it turns into full-blown mastitis. Hang in there. I hope you're better soon.

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