... I could fall asleep like a normal person at night, rather than staring at the insides of my eyelids, then I might occasionally feel human again. She slept for six hours last night! In a row! I did NOT. Alas, sleeping is the one thing where the harder one tries, the less success.
(Yes, I meditate and do yoga and breathing exercises and don't drink caffeine and have 'good sleep habits' and something is still all hormonally screwed up- usually I have trouble waking up, not falling asleep- and none if it makes any difference, including the drugs, sometimes. Yes, I have tried not taking the drugs, all available combinations of the above and so on, and it doesn't work. I'm just whining.)
In addition, Tatoe is not sleeping well (he has a cold) and is therefore several times as much THREE which involves a great deal of screaming, hitting, and arguing about trivialities ("I wanna go out!" "Let's put your coat on." "No!" "Okay, then no outside, it's cold." "NO! NO NO NO! I CAN'T put it on! I don't know how!" [N.B.: This is a lie.] "Okay, don't." "I wanna put my coat on!" "I'm going to go have a stiff drink and lock you in your room and we can try again in five minutes.")
Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I was always a good sleeper until my son came along. He turned out to be a good sleeper too, but suddenly I could not stay asleep any more, even though he was out for the count. It was totally unexpected for me, and extremely frustrating and exhausting. Like you, I have good sleep hygiene etc etc. Sometimes a hot shower at 3 am helped me get back to sleep (I think cooling off afterwards tricks the body into thinking it is time to go to sleep, or something). Things improved after I stopped breastfeeding at 10 months (which I should have done sooner, in hindsight) - then the insomnia cycled on a monthly basis. And, hurray, the going back on the pill fixed it almost completely. But then we decided to have another baby and - boom - waking at 1 am, 4 am... is back :-( So I'm with you on it being some shitty hormonally induced crapola. Sorry for the whine, but I wanted to let you know you are by far not alone. I get it.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, sister. I REALLY, REALLY do.
DeleteWe can be a support group of two :)
DeleteI hope you get some more sleep soon. Sleep deprivation is just ugh
ReplyDeleteI am taking a sleep aid most nights before bed, because even when I'm exhausted, I cannot sleep and instead feel anxious and anxiety attacks. It is wretched and I am not juggling a newborn, etc. I feel for you and hope your circadian rhythm returns to normal, your anxiety subsides, etc.
ReplyDelete