(Let me preface this with: my spouse is, generally, a reasonable human being who is kind and caring. ALSO I may be a little frustrated, pissed off, and emotional. Maybe.)
Dr. S is not planning to take any time off when baby #3 is born. Well, maybe a week. Certainly not two. But, you see, his entire course load next year is in the spring. Right after this baby is expected to arrive. How could he ditch his classes and instead take responsibility as a parent? (The less irritated translation is, he's concerned about alienating his entire department during his first year as a TT professor - finally! - and feels it's in our family's long-term best interests to avoid that.)
Not that I'm annoyed or anything.
Yikes. If it helps, I'd be totally annoyed. I'm practically stamping my feet on your behalf. Talk about the patriarchy...
ReplyDeleteYes, I would be stomping my feet as well and I would be incredibly angry at my spouse.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it's an ugly truth, but I fear that in a small department a request for time off teaching in one's heaviest quarter would indeed be seen as negative for eventual tenure, and, yes, especially for a man, who cannot argue physical needs as a motivation.
Presumably, though, he can scale back on everything that isn't time critical and be present as much as he can for the family?
Is there a way for you to get other help?
bj
I understand the logic, but yes, I'd be annoyed as well.
ReplyDeleteBaby 3 just arrived for us 3 weeks ago. On a Tuesday. On the Thursday my postdoc Husband found out he had been partially scooped. And he now can't take any time off. It sucks, but we're managing. Looking forward to my mom arriving in a few weeks for 2 weeks though....
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