12:00 Preschool pickup. Bug throws a tantrum, as usual, and we stand outside the car for ten minutes until he stops waving his arms around and screaming.
12:15 Tatoe gets eyedrops, by which I mean I pry his eyelids open and drop the antibiotic in.
12:20 Lunch. My children are the slowest eaters in ever. I manage to eat a bowl of reheated lima beans. They have five arguments (you a duck! no, I'm not! yes, you is! no, I'm not! I was first! no, you weren't!) until I tell them that they can either eat or argue, but not both.
12:50 Bug gets a time-out. I don't even remember why.
1:00 I finally take a thrashing Tatoe upstairs for a diaper and a nap. He screams.
1:10 I read Bug his books and shut the door for 'quiet time', also known as 'Mama needs to go lay down in a quiet room now.'
2:15 I go to get Bug. He is fast asleep.
2:20 Tatoe wakes up screaming. I ignore him and do the rest of my looking-things-up-on-the-internet.
2:30 The military jets do their daily supersonic low-altitude flyover. I curse at them. Tatoe wakes up screaming. I ignore him.
3:00 Tatoe wakes up screaming again. I wake Bug up and we all go downstairs. Tatoe gets eyedrops AGAIN.
3:15 Tatoe wails piteously 'I want GWAMPA!' for the ninth time today. We call my dad on Skype and the children sing him songs and tell him fifteen times 'I had a doughnut today! I ate the whole thing!' The dog pants at them.
3:45 I look at real estate briefly.
4:00 We try to leave the house. Tatoe needs a diaper. It takes five minutes to convince him to go upstairs. Then he wants to pee on the big boy potty. My spouse has let him pee in the froggy potty last night, but not emptied it; this morning I put water in and forgot it. Tatoe, moving it out of the way, spills it all over the floor.
4:15 I finish washing the bathroom floor, my hands, my feet, Tatoe's hands, and everything in between. Tatoe gets a new diaper. The children clean up the toy tornado in the living room.
4:30 Bug starts wailing about wearing shoes! And he can't find his sweater! (It's eight inches away, on the floor.) And wearing boots! And he wants a helicopter! I lie down on the couch.
4:45 He finally finds his sweater and puts it on.
4:46 Tatoe makes a dirty diaper.
4:50 I finish writing this, take off everyone's shoes, and go make a cup of tea.