Wednesday, June 05, 2013

In Which I Agonize Over Completely Theoretical Decisions

Beat the rush, I say: get the agony out of the way well in advance!

Dr. S, as I've mentioned, has a one-year contract at Mountain U.  (I am trying hard to be optimistic about us not being HOMELESS ON THE STREET after next year.  "Don't worry", Dr. S always says, "your parents would take us in.")

The local transport company has a contract with Bicycle Company.  Surely they should hire me at an exorbitant hourly rate, part-time, to solve all their bicycle-related problems!  

(As I haven't yet sent them a resume, this is completely theoretical.)

But... Dr. S really kind of wants a third child.  The two we have are going through a scream/whine-12-hours-a-day phase, which makes one think hey!  This is plenty of children!  I don't enjoy being pregnant.*  I kind of want a job.  And I really want a little financial security and stability.  Fifteen years of this nonsense is enough.

And seriously.  Three?  No.  NOOOOOO.**

And... maybe I need to go have a stiff drink and knit a sock and stop thinking about it.  Because none of these things are getting decided now.


*By which I mean "I am completely miserable for 38 weeks straight."
**Your mileage may vary.

14 comments:

  1. Beyond the "NOOOOO", which you'll need to work out with Dr. S, would three have to happen now? Why not get a job and some financial stability for a while, and then go and reconsider three? If I remember correctly you're sort of my age and not infertile, so you may not need to rush...
    I used to want at least 3 kids close in age, perhaps because that's how I grew up. Now, well, I'd be happy if we can have any, but I also care much less about the age gaps after seeing one of my mentors with her kids, all 3-4 years apart.

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    1. No, no, this is totally irrational freaking out. You are right- I have many more years to make a final decision. I'm displacing my moving anxiety onto everything else, is what.

      There's also a reasonable desire to compress the bottom-wiping years as much as possible - though I'm 9 years older than my youngest sister; I can see the appeal of an older kid who can actually hold the baby.

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  2. 1. Your parents would take you in. Your dad would be so excited, he'd enlarge the garden.
    2. You should sell hats on Etsy, if the local transport company doesn't work out.
    3. Dr. S. doesn't have to be miserable for 38 weeks, not to mention the fun you've had breastfeeding! Is he volunterring to stay home with multiple small children ALL DAY? I mean, your kids are adorable and frequently delightful, but there is also the ear-piercing screams that frequently emit from their tiny mouths. You know, like all normal children. So, what Dr. S. kind of wants is a little less important than what you are really willing to go through for another child. Who, yes, you'd love and cherish and be glad about when they're older. Probably.

    But yes, none of these decisions will happen soon. Sometimes that makes the agonizing worse. More alcohol and knitting!

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    1. If it got any bigger I think it might take over, Eggplant That Ate Chicago-style.

      I mostly like making hats for people I know... somehow, it's more fun.

      "Ear-piercing screams" just about covers it. You forgot the "throw yourself on the ground and have a tantrum" in unison, though. I think he would stay home if I wanted- but then I'd be stuck working forever, and he'd be out of academia forever. Decisions, decisions... time for more wine.

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  3. As someone from a large family, I say don't have another kid!

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  4. I just wrote this huge comment sympathizing with the ambivalence over having 2 or 3 kids (we only have the one thus far) and then realized I digressed into a complete rant/freak out. That would be entirely the opposite of useful to you. To sum up my comment: I completely sympathize and think that you get the super, special, tie-breaking vagina/uterus vote.

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    1. We also welcome lengthy digressions/rants as this establishment. :)

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  5. So let's see....the answer is to get pregnant with twins. Right? Cause that would fix everything.

    I'm excited to see how things develop. The current situation just sounds pretty unsatisfying for everyone. The new one has got to be better, right?

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    1. I laughed. And then I cried. JESUS NO. I've watched kids the same ages as mine, and after every time, I think, wow, that's a lot of work.

      These last four months have been full of a lot of suck; you're right, we can only improve.

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    2. Plus, there's both a PYO orchard AND WINERY and a PYO berry place AND YARN SHOP. I mean... does it get any better? Well, that plus free babysitting, I guess.

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  6. Wait. I always thought that the bum-wiping years were best compressed, and so I left it to the point that they would HAVE to be compressed (ie, my advancing years). It's really really hard; in retrospect it would have saved alot of my sanity, and been so much better for everyone* to have had at least one child in school by the time I had my third, and I can't even imagine the freedom if I had two in school. As it is I have 3 pre-schoolers at home from midday every day (plus 2 hellish nursery runs before that), and I am counting the days down until the eldest starts school in Sept. So if you have the option to wait for a bit, do. Don't get strung up on age gaps etc - in my experience, it makes no difference to the closeness of siblings in the long run.

    (*probably not better for my third-born however, who would obviously not then have been my third-born...)

    ReplyDelete
  7. we've put the "third child" discussion on hold for an indefinite period. I used to think 3-close-together, as well, until I realized how much hell 2-close-together is. I still like the IDEA of a third, but I'll revisit that when the boys are both completely out of diapers. If I feel like another foray into diaper changing when I'm 40, we can discuss again.
    Yes, you do indeed get the tie-breaker vote---what with your uterus, your vagina, your tits, your sanity bearing the brunt of the whole ordeal...

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    Replies
    1. The spouse agrees that the decision rests in my uterus, fortunately. But, you know, displaced anxiety much?

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