Monday, December 10, 2012

Snark, Assorted

Dear Everyone in the Grocery,

I have been using the same carrier (mei tai) for three YEARS and I have never once dropped either baby while putting him in.  I swear I know what I'm doing.  Please stop freaking out.


Dear Small Child of Mine,

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear....

Well, you know.


Dear 'Paleo Diet' people,

While I am all for eating a diet high in lean protein and vegetables, your reasoning is complete bullshit.


Dear Spouse,

After you listen to them scream for four hours, then you can criticize my lack of patience.

Sincerely yours,

Annoyed.

8 comments:

  1. 1. Who, in all of Cold City, would freak out about a mei tai carrier? They are everywhere! That person must have just crawled out from under a rock.
    2. I might need to buy that book for Patrick. Except, he''d probably read it to the children and they haven't learned that language yet.
    3. But everyone loves an unfounded evolutionary argument!
    4. Ahahahahaaaaa! We totally had a moment like that in my house this weekend. I recommend letting him watch the kids for four hours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) EVERYONE. It's that awkward moment when you're heaving the child onto your back... apparently everyone thinks it's AWFUL.
      2) Ha ha ha.
      3) INDEED.
      4) He has, and usually we all want to DIE by the end. Him because the kids are so screamy, and me because he's so grumpy.... sigh.

      Delete
  2. I had the same problem with my Ergo. Seriously, dudes, it's obvious that I've done this a time or two (or thousand).

    And the same issue with Dr. Man, who thinks that I am somehow (possibly due to my XX make up) in possession of an unlimited supply of patience. That I should not lose my temper when Kiddo tries to yet again attempt to get into mischief and throws a tantrum when thwarted. The cherry on top was that last weekend, when Dr. Man was on call, he stated that it was completely ridiculous that I felt that getting Kiddo out of the house helped with the boundary pushing (Kiddo's) and sanity (mine). Oh and taking care of Kiddo on the weekend by myself should be a nice "break" from working all week. I told him that next weekend he would be more than welcome to have that nice "break" all to himself and he could show me how much more patient he was with being stuck in the house all day with Kiddo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? Like sure, I'm going to drop MY OWN KID.

      Your spouse, oy. I hope he gets a 'break'. Like being on call is a 'break' from working all week too, riiiight?

      Delete
    2. I have, quite graciously if I do say so myself, told him that he is watching Kiddo Saturday afternoon while I go do some shopping and, perhaps, use my gift certificate to get a massage. That way we both get a break!

      Delete
  3. We strike a similar note with the criticism. Unfortunately, it's my wife telling me not to criticize her for letting the child do whatever she wants because it obviously works - "look! she's happy!" End snark.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure the kiddo IS happy to (destroy property, torture the cat, paint the ceiling with yogurt), etc. Spouses!!!

      Delete
  4. Oh man. I pretty much limit my comments to strangers to "your skirt is tucked into your waistband" and "you dropped your wallet". The no patience thing is funny. Even though I know I have no patience, I still get mad at my husband for being all THESE BABIES ARE SO FRUSTRATING and then I take them and lose my sh*t it 30 seconds and he's all "what's your problem, they are sweet and lovely." It's a great cycle.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated, so it may take a day or two to show up. Anonymous comments will be deleted.