Monday, December 03, 2012

FMB: Older Parents

I am 31.  My parents are 58 and 59.  One of my grandmothers is dead, and the other is 76 and fortunately in good health.

My neighbor across the street is 73.  She has two great-grandchildren.  She watches them, walks over to her daughter's house to play with them, sees her family every week.  If she, God willing, lives to be 90 or 95, her grandchildren will mostly be middle-aged by then.

As my parents get older - although they are,  , ב"ה  in excellent health - I feel afraid that my children will not know them, will not get enough time with them.  Just thinking about it makes me sad.

And this is one small part of why we're trying to move back to the South.  (My family is not crazy, or at least not very crazy, except for my mother's Republican-voting tendencies, or else I wouldn't consider it.)

(Dr. S is on the second of 3 interviews in the South, right now.)


  1. Yes. I wish my parents lived next door to me, so my kids could see them at least weekly. I saw my grandparents Every Day as a child, and loved it. (Patrick's family can stay 4.5 hrs away.)

    Of course, I also wish my good friends could live next door. It's much more convenient than across the country or around the world. But, at least it gives me a chance to visit new and interesting places. And the neighborhood might get crowded with all their families living close as well...

    Btw, I like the new profile description :) However, you can hardly call 55 degrees F in December "cold". C1 was outside in a t-shirt yesterday (all his long-sleeved shirts might be in the laundry.) All this warm weather makes me want to work on my gardening projects, and I REALLY need to focus on getting some inside things completed. Like my laundry.

    1. I know, it's unseasonable, that's what.

      I likewise wish everyone I know would move to... central Virginia... and live close to me. Except most of my friends *do* live near their families and so that would be inconvenient.

      I do, somewhat paradoxically, wish my in-laws would live about an hour away so we could see them for BRIEF periods of time rather than days on end.

    2. It IS unseasonable! How are my kids ever going to complain as old men, "I walked barefoot in the snow to school, uphill both ways!" Very odd, indeed.

      Central Virginia does sound lovely, but I don't think my family will all move that far. I'd need Gil to come with, too. Now she probably would, she enjoyed Richmond when she lived there with her late husband.

      Hmm, I can see your point about the brief visits with in-laws. I don't think I'd enjoy the increased frequency, however. Patrick's father would prefer to live about a mile away from us, and would be either coming over all the time, or demanding help with his latest hair-brained project. It would be hazardous to his health to irritate me so often. It's good my in-laws are far away.

  2. Good luck to Dr. S on his interview and I hope you can move closer to your family soon. It's tough being so far away, especially once you have kids.

    1. Yes, it is. About reason #3 on my list of why I quit my job (sick kids and no backup sucks).

      If he doesn't get a job, I will totally get one near my family anyways. We both really want it.

  3. I enjoyed being close to my grandparents growing up. I'm almost 28 and three of them are still alive and in relatively good health, though two of them are starting to have mobility issues.

    My fiance's mom is 83 and my mom is 50. Both of our dads are already gone. We plan to start having kids in the next year or two and I am afraid my children will miss out on the happiness I shared with my grandparents since they may only get to know one well. It makes me sad too.

    My comfort is that both of my parents have big families, so they may still be surrounded by family if my fiance and I move back where I grew up. (My fiance's family is small and he is the only one with kids.) My dad's brothers will have to serve as grampa surrogates. (Boy, do I miss him.)

    Good luck moving closer to family.

    1. That is quite an age difference on the mothers. It was like that for Dr. S and me too, his grandma would have been 97 this year and mine is 77.

      I hope my sister stays in the South so the cousins can know each other. I think having an extended family around (if they're not too crazy) is really fantastic too.

  4. You're all disgusting and YOUNG. So imagine how I feel, contemplating my aging parent (the other one being dead). I am currently focused on not being so geriatric that my own children don't get to know me.

    I DO wish I could be closer to my family. I really want my kids to know their cousins... And I'm extremely happy that Dr. S has three interviews in the south. Three interviews full stop is wonderful.

    1. He actually has FOUR. I know. Though one is a serious WTF interview on both sides.

      (Yes, I'm a regular spring chicken. And yet! My sister reproduced at 22! AAAAGH!)

  5. One of the things I was so sad about when my mom died is that she never got to be a grandmother. Because I think she would have done an awesome job of that. And now we live half a world away and are hoping that science (or medicine or anything, really) can make us more "reproducible". Sigh.

    Fingers crossed for Dr. S and his many interviews!

    Also, thanks for re-opening the comments to "outliers" like me :)

  6. Anonymous4:26 PM

    I was really lucky to have most of grandparents until I was in my late 20s. I hope my kids are that lucky, but I kind of doubt they will be. All of their grandparents are already having some health issues, thankfully minor, but that could worsen over time.

    It's always important to keep and nurture those connections.

    Fingers crossed fro Dr. S. It's awesome to live near grandparents- free babysitting abounds.


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