Maybe it's the time of year, or the school vacation (AARGH), or the horrible colds, or something, but right about now, I hate humanity, my life as a housewife, and the inevitable changes brewing in the year to come. I stop sleeping, and then I'm tired, so I don't exercise enough, so I sleep less and worry more and sleep less and become homicidal over Dr. S drinking a half-cup of my coffee. For example.
Dr. S has been interviewing for academic jobs... for a year and a half. Bug is slowly decompensating on account of there's no school. We get fancy holiday cards in the mail from relatives and friends who are - unlike me! - using their expensive degrees. I am thrown into a spiral of despair about my worthless life, in which I only deliver peanut-butter-based value-added. I miss my college roommate, my friend from preschool, and my friends from grad school, and I miss all the thousand and one fun things I used to do.
Digression: Every so often, I read some piece that runs "Did you have ANY IDEA that staying home with your kids has an opportunity cost?" No, that never occurred to me, you lackwitted, useless offspring of a goat!
Then I start obsessing over whether I can even handle the idea of a third child, and the huge time investment that I personally would have to make,* and should I sell all the baby clothes or haul them 1000 miles just in case, and will I ever work again?
And then I realize that I am sublimating my insecurity about everything (Where will we live? What will I do? Will I make new friends that I actually like? Will I ever again have a nice dinner with my oldest childhood friend, whom I've known for 29 years, and his partner? Will we hate living in the South?) into the only thing about this that I can control: whether I, personally, choose to be pregnant again.
(Second digression: The Snooty U student newspaper would run a (different) piece every couple of years, written by yet another rich, entitled, trust-fund, privileged brat, on the lines of "Surely NO ONE could POSSIBLY get a good education while working a paying job! I mean really! It's completely impossible!! They must not really learn anything, especially here!")
* Dr. S and I want someone to be home with a baby for at least a year and a half; many people have different desires (for example, to get out of the bloody house and let the baby scream at someone else already). Although Dr. S is fully willing to stay home with the children, once he steps off the academic train, there is no re-entry. So he would be committing to working in industry, and I would be committing to working until that happened.