Friday, August 05, 2011


My acquaintance of the recent loss has developed an annoying Facebook tic (yes, I know, this is why nobody should ever use FB; however, it is convenient).  Anyhow.  I assume that it is a manifestation of her grief, because it's, er, new, and so of course I don't say anything.  But it's still kind of annoying.  This is it:

Any time anyone posts anything the least bit negative about their children (even something along the lines of "Some days it's hard to deal with the endless tantrums in a positive fashion" or "It's difficult juggling X and Y".... she feels the need to add "But please don't forget to be GRATEFUL for your children!"

Okay, yes, fine.  But not while he's kicking and screaming in the middle of the store, okay?  Would overall do?  Can we have a quota of generally-but-not-specifically grateful, each day?  As in, I'm very glad overall to have this child, but at this very moment, I would like to lease him to the circus for the next hour.

Much like I don't think infertility condemns someone to be endlessly grateful while throwing up in the toilet, I also don't think loss (or awareness of loss) means you have to love every single annoying thing a child does. 


  1. Anonymous10:48 AM

    Sigh. This post makes me sad.

    Of course, you're perfectly right.

    But I can remember feeling exactly the way your acquaintance does -- even if I didn't actually say it out loud.


  2. I find myself posting slightly negative things on FB about my kids because they are so good, and when they are good, its not newsworthy. But thanks for the perspective from both sides of your post.

  3. Niobe: I do understand how she must feel. But it's still... a little annoying.

  4. i try to be funny when talking on FB about the bean. (i don't always succeed, but the effort is there.) but sometimes, dammit, i am just tired. and i still try to be funny about it. and inevitably, someone shows up to helpfully remind me that crying (or whatever) is what babies do (which naturally i must have forgotten), and then i feel like a total asshole and like people must think i don't love my kid. it does not improve my mood ever or make me love my child more since i already love him a great deal.

    and hell, i don't even complain about the really bad stuff, because i have a policy of not talking about my nipples on FB.

  5. NYMarie9:51 PM

    As a research postdoc who lives 2500 mi away from her husband and had a miscarriage a month ago, I can feel your friends' pain. I wouldn't be posting ambiguous comments on Facebook, but there is something about hearing people complain that does bother me a little. It's not even the complaining, I think it's the worry that I will never have the chance to experience any of it, the good or the bad.


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