Today I was talking to two of my kids and the littlest one said she wants a unicorn shirt. ("You already have TWO!" , I said.)
My middle child, my nature and nail polish loving firecracker who will watch bugs and snakes for hours, said, "MOM! I really want a unicorn shirt. A sparkly one. Can I have one?"
"Of course, buddy," I said, " I'll start looking for one for you."
("Can I have another one?" the little one asked.)
Inside, though, I was thinking: does he want to wear it to school? Will someone make fun of him? Will be care? Will it hurt his feelings? Should I say no?
But he shouldn't have to change; the world should change. Maybe he will have bruised feelings, but if he wants a sparkly unicorn, he gets a sparkly unicorn. It's my job to take care of anyone - child or adult - who wants to hurt his feelings over it. Unacceptable. Unicorns and sequins for all.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteI have a relative who mocked and tormented his son, out of fear the child would grow up gay. He denied him the toys he wanted, he encouraged his siblings to police him and torment him, he refused to let him study ballet or art.
It's our job to protect and support our kids. We should never be their first bullies.
This one also loves art! I encourage his interest in art! And to be clear I couldn't care less about gender norms/ who my child chooses to date or not date/ who wants to wear makeup and unicorns. It just breaks my heart that I have to worry if someone else is going to be ugly about it. (I ordered him the shirt today; it has a rainbow unicorn and he said he liked it.)
DeleteOh, there were also sparkly unicorn leggings on clearance for a dollar, so it's a whole outfit, but it's way too hot for pants right now. It was 99 F today, moratorium on trousers.
DeleteIt's too hot here too!
DeleteUnicorn shirts for everyone, though!
My son really loved the pink, princess water bottle he picked out at Target for kindergarten. I wasn't sure whether to let him take it to school or not; when he did, he came home and said that the girls laughed at him and asked why he had a girl's water bottle. It broke my heart a little. He still liked it but decided to leave it in the car and use a Minecraft one for school instead :( How would you go about taking care of those other kids in this situation? I don't even know who they were.
ReplyDeleteOh, I would take my indignant self straight to the principal's office and the whole schoo! would do some lessons on tolerance and diversity! We are in a very small school district where the principal literally knows every child's name so I am pretty sure I could effect some change.
DeleteI guess I should have done that. Maybe I'll be braver about standing up for my kid next time. He also owns a sparkly unicorn and a princess/fairy outfit that he loves and I coincidentally ordered him a rainbow t-shirt just today, and we've talked about how it's weird that some kids think some toys are for girls and some are for boys, so we're good at home - but I was at a loss for what to do about the other kids.
DeleteWe've talked with daycare teachers about such things (neither of our kids fit stereotypical gender norms, much like their parents) and they've been on board (at Montessoris in a red state...). They were receptive and addressed it head on the next day as a discussion about how boys and girls can do anything.
DeleteMost schools are very into anti-bullying and will likely be supportive for that aspect.