Wednesday, March 21, 2018

One More Thing to Balance

Lately we've had a series of ridiculous snow days (did you know that if it SNOWS a single QUARTER INCH the school must close for the whole day?  because the South).  In general, the spouse and I trade off on who takes the children, but I almost always have to take them in the mornings if school opens late.*

I'm starting to feel a little... what's the word?  Oh, yes.  Resentful.  It's not really because my spouse feels my job is less important than his job; my job is less important than his job.  It's that I feel my time is being considered as less important.  He is never, ever willing to interrupt his precious work day to leave early, or take a kid to the doctor, or come home before 5:30 unless I am deathly ill.  (When I got influenza I had to time my urgent care visit to fit in with his work schedule.  No, really.  I couldn't breathe, but god forbid the cells didn't get fed, sooooo important, how dare my breathing interfere.)

I resent the idea that all the things I'm doing - my online class, learning more programming languages, all the errands and little things I do when the children aren't with me- are all less important than the convenience of my spouse having uninterrupted work time.  Maybe some of those things are, in fact, lower priority, but are they all lower priority?

And this, dear friends, is why sometimes I long for a full-time job, solely so I can tell my dear spouse to take his uninterrupted work day and shove it.

(And now, following a discussion of What To Do Tomorrow Morning When School Opens Two Hours Late, my spouse asserted that he would toooootalllly help next week while the kids have break, if I just asked, and then my head exploded. Clearly we have some work to do.)

*If it has snowed, naturally school must open late, in case it might be ICY.  WE CAN'T DRIVE IN ICE IT'S THE SOUTH AAAAAAH IT'S LIKE GRITS IN A FAAAAAAN.

12 comments:

  1. Carol McKinnon9:38 AM

    Is there an actual reason why his work day can't be interrupted or is it just a preference?

    In my household, my job is less flexible --I work at home less, I have meetings I can't miss. My job culture requires a certain amount of time actually in the office. Not 40+ hours a week, but still.

    On the other hand, DH has tenure and if he's not actually teaching, no one cares where he is.

    So, while this may not apply in your case, in my case it's not that my time is worth more, it's just that's it's more of a hassle for me to take time off. Which is why I'm at work this morning and DH is home with the kids waiting for today's delayed school opening.

    (Sorry, I submitted this comment as anon earlier, not noticing your no-anon policy)

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    1. He is a professor. He is not teaching at the moment, so basically his time is completely flexible. This is the main source of my discontent: there is no *more* hassle involved for him than for me, during times when neither of us actually has to teach! Nobody is keeping track of when we're in the office! WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY PROBLEM. Something to work out for sure!

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    2. Carol McKinnon7:20 AM

      In that case, I totally agree with you! I'm sure you'll be able to work something out that's more equitable. Sometimes people are so used to one arrangement that they don't even realize that's it's not working for everyone.

      Delete
  2. Socal dendrite12:02 PM

    I think you are me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amelie8:38 AM

    Thanks for putting this into words. This is how I feel *a lot* of the time. And, honestly, I think I'd need a job that pays significantly more than his before he'd take any constraints on my own time seriously. Sigh. If you find a solution (other than screaming and vodka), let me know.

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    1. I scheduled a Kid Annual Doctor Check-up and just asked him with a flat face "Can you take Kid to the checkup Monday at 8:40?" And he said "Um... sure." Now I have to work out a way to walk back the last ten years of me-organizing-everything..... baby steps.

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    2. Amelie2:25 PM

      Yes, I think this would also work (to some extent) - but honestly, it bothers me having to ask for *every*single*thing. I mean, open your eyes and see what needs to be done, and do your share?

      Delete
    3. I also find it EXTREMELY IRRITATING, don't worry. ;)

      Delete
  4. I'm not sure I can successfully respond to this without resorting to curse words. However, YES. All of this.

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    1. Coda: it is now the week of spring break and my spouse has, on request, sacrificed A WHOLE HOUR to care for the children during the day. I mean, yes, my work is closed this week, but still. Outlook: Needs More Negotiation.

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  5. Anonymous2:22 PM

    I make more money than my husband, but my job is more flexible then his (I'm tenured faculty), so I do a lot more of those things. He does do more when I ask, but the default assumption that I will deal with things is annoying. Maybe it's a mom vs dad thing?
    Aly

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I do think or society genders its assumptions about womensw time....

      Delete

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