I continue to look for Another Job. There continue to not be Other Jobs here.
The downsides of adjuncting - the unpredictability has been much improved by New Chair - are that it never changes, and there's nowhere to go, professionally speaking. How many years in a row do I want to do Intro Chem Lab?
(Although the biology department wants me too and there is room for something different, eventually. Still.)
SELF: I have had a headache for 106 of the last 110 days. It's maybe getting better. I think. Maybe not. Here, let me make you a chronic pain scale:
0: Feel like a normal human being. Stabbing chronic pain? What's that? Also puppies, kittens, unicorns.
1: It hurts like I whanged my elbow on something, or stubbed all my toes. But not quite all the time.
2: It hurts all the time. I can ignore it for multiple hours at a time! Possibly I can sleep! (With drugs.)
3: I can ignore the pain for an hour at a time. The laundry mountain is growing and the kids are eating Cheese on Bread two meals a day.
4: I cannot ignore the pain at all, and the spiders are taking over the basement. Getting the mail is a challenge. It hurts to move.
5: At least 2 hours/day of laying in bed, considering sticking myself in the head with a small knife. I cry when the children touch me.
6: Considering a larger knife. I scream when the children touch me.
7: Seriously considering throwing self under the next passing large truck.
8: Would throw self under truck, but it hurts too much to get out of bed.
9: Would like to die imminently.
10: Can only lay in bed weeping. Can barely get up to go to the bathroom. No quality of life, would prefer to be dead RIGHT NOW.
It's at least a 4 or 5 every day.
(I am not actively suicidal. But also, is my pain adequately controlled? AH HA HA HA NO. My otherwise-excellent PCP suggested that I might be at risk of opioid addition*. I take 2.5 mg of opioid per DAY. No. Though partly I take that little because I fear that doctors will not prescribe me enough adequate pain relief NO REASON.)
I've run out of ETC. Happy Friday!
* "Rates of opioid abuse or dependence diagnosis ranged from 0.7% with lower-dose (≤36 MME) chronic therapy to 6.1% with higher-dose (≥120 MME) chronic therapy..."