In Which I Am Indignant.
I realize you won't actually do that, but I know you were half seriously considering it. When you're thinking like this, you should probably get help. Drugs or something. Because that level of pain is not ok.It's like when C1 was an infant and crying all night and at 2 am I was half seriously considering murdering my child just to get a little quiet. My brain was not functioning properly, and luckily I had enough sense to hand C1 over to Patrick.Of course it's easy for me to recommend drugs (better living through chemistry!). You're probably allergic to all the fillers they use. Damn it.
Fortunately it's back down to small knives today. I do have drugs - though there's an OPIOID EPIDEMIC don't you know, we shouldn't prescribe effective pain control, that could be DANGEROUS - but I can only take them in large enough doses when I don't have to, say, drive the children around. And Dr. S BLESS HIS HEART has been super huffy when he gets home and I need to go collapse in pain. Doesn't make me want to stab him at ALL. I'm going for one more round with the ENT next week and then I will be finding another ENT if possible. Of course the other ones are Over The Mountains, which is a four-hour-minimum expedition. Usually longer. Blah.
After your headache lets up, please complete this Suicide Cognitions Scale, as chronic pain patients are at an elevated risk. But seriously, no self-trepanation.
It's mostly passive ideation! But yes, chronic pain does give me suicidal ideation. Doesn't it for, like, everyone?
The irony, of course, is that being honest about how much the pain makes me suicidal also makes it less likely I'll be given effective pain relief. The other irony is a biochemist can definitely figure out what combination of drugs they already have will be 100% lethal. Which I am not going to do! But I know HOW.
Comments are moderated, so it may take a day or two to show up. Anonymous comments will be deleted.