My older children are upstairs trying to murder each other and Sweetpea has taken to climbing on things and then walking off the edge. So! Five minutes, GO!
I have gotten to a point where I hate (HATE) being home all the time with the children. Naturally, everyone is on spring break for ten days. I mostly hate the bad parts: the hungry, miserable behavior (eat a damn carrot, child, and stop losing your tiny mind); the screaming; the necessity of keeping everyone so quiet for multiple hours a day so the baby can sleep. The necessity of my entire life revolving around Nap Jail! The way everyone falls apart when The Schedule is not rigidly observed! I hate being someone with a schedule in stone, and yet, when we deviate, I get so anxious, because I just KNOW the Scream Train is coming. I don't like the person I am and I am bored and lonely and tired of this.
(Did I mention the screaming?)
I feel like I spend my entire day doing things I find unrewarding, and which feel entirely unvalued. Example: I make the children's favorite dinner, and they whine and argue for 30 minutes.
I also feel like I am tired of being money-pinched and I want a job that pays me money so I can afford to not be with my children. And I am beginning to feel anxious about the future/ retirement funds/ taking care of aging parents/ my lack of a career.
(Five minutes are up and someone is - wait for it- screaming.)
Next time on FMB: Looking For Jobs, Which Gives Me Hives, Also Did I Mention There Are No Jobs Here? (Please don't tell me there are jobs. There are only 7000 people, I regret everything.)