Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Twenty Minute Naptime Blogging: Cognitive Dissonance/ Weddings/ Siblings/ Extensive Complaining

  • Sweetpea is napping by herself!  Once a day.  Of course, in trade, she's up every 2.5 hours all night like clockwork. Oh, babies.

  • Realization while nursing endlessly (aside from musing on Trapped Feelings): I am dreading Sister 2's (second!) wedding because of some serious cognitive dissonance.  I am putting on a cheerful good-sister face but I am fucking pissed at both my sisters.  
  • Sister 2: Still pissed she didn't come to my damn WEDDING.  Yes, I know, it was ten years ago; it's.... a symbol of the last decade, where she dropped out of my life while wallpapering over her abusive spouse and depression; writing lengthy fantastical screeds about Her Amazing Crazy Adventures In The Holy Land (see also: email filter featuring these words); issuing endless condemnations of Americans Are So Materialistic (implication: she is not American at all, our shared past is valueless) while bringing empty suitcases for every visit; voting for the equivalent of Front National every time; and many other choices I found morally reprehensible. Overall, it's the lack of acknowledgment that any of this happened.  Let's just move on to Everything Is Great and ignore the late unpleasantness!  That'll work GREAT. Sister 2 probably also encouraged Sister 3 to move to Israel.  I'm pretty angry about that too.
  • Sister 3: Let's recap: got brainwashed by Birthright, took off for Israel five months later, didn't bother to tell me about it in person; finally strong-armed by our mother into coming to visit the day before she left the country; CURRENTLY ON ABOUT HER AMAZING CRAZY ADVENTURES WHY WHY WHY (email filter!); and a bunch of other things that boil down to: dealt with it all in a completely immature fashion, shut me out of her life because she didn't trust me to behave like an adult (based on.... nothing), made choices 'because I have to choose what's best for me' without acknowledging in any way the effect these choices may have on others, and now is amazed that she has bombed the hell out of our relationship.  
  • While we're at it!  My mother and her untreated anxiety disorder/ refusal to seek help for anything.  Jesus, Mom, CPS is not coming for my kids, calm the fuck down.  Plus her periodic teary insistence that we should talk to each other (note: my mother has FOUR even-crazier sisters and one of them she didn't talk to for ten years.  Ten.  Years.). Not helpful.  I don't have the time or energy to deal with The Crazy, I don't want to talk to The Crazy, and 'what's best for me' is to not have contact with The Crazy.  
  • Naturally, I can't think of a good way to bring any of this up.  It wouldn't help with Sister 3, and I don't really want to start a conversation with Sister 2, "Hey, I'm still fucking furious about all the shit you pulled during your first marriage, and it's really harshing our relationship now, man."  
  • Except with my mother.  "You don't talk to YOUR sisters, why should I?" seems perfectly good to me.  
So... I don't want to go to the wedding because not only am I really angry, and Sister 3 will be there and I don't want to talk to her until she advances past Emotional Age: 15, BUT ALSO this is the second tense horrible wedding of Sister 2 that I've been to and she has been to ZERO of my wedding(s) (my wedding was not tense, it was actually quite lovely).  

However, I was raised by some good Midwestern Protestants (my mother is Jewish but at heart she Does What Must Be Done) and so I will put on my nice dress and my smile and bring the pies and punch and hat that I made for My Sister's Second Damn Wedding and I will do the right thing.

And then I will light out of town like my tail feathers are on fire, stopping only to buy $300 of wine at Trader Joe's.  

(Wedding in 2 weeks.)


  1. Oh, you have so much in common with Patrick. He, too, is a dutiful family member despite the Crazy of his relatives. My mother cut ties with all her crazy relatives, except my grandmother, so we're relatively insulated from their Crazy. Except that I follow my crazy cousin on Facebook. We were such good friends as children, and now it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, precipitated by bad choices and feelings of entitlement. In 8 years I expect her teenaged cheerleader Catholic school daughter to be pregnant, and my cousin will be wondering where she went wrong. No, she's too self-absorbed for that. She'll be celebrating that she's a "hot grandma" at the age of 42. Creepy.

    But I digress. I applaud you for being the mature one, and willing to give it another try with Sister #1, despite her past shittiness. I'm sure you're strong enough to be in Sister #3's presence for a few days and not say anything too terrible. Even though she totally deserves it.

    The punch and pies were lovely! At least the food will be good, if the atmosphere isn't.

  2. Anonymous12:02 PM

    Oh boyo! This sounds like such a familial MESS. Being noble and mature is a huge drag, I bet, but it seems like the option most likely to lead to stronger relationships someday, and if not, to peace of mind. Miss Manners always advises us to counter rudeness with politeness, even if it's only on the surface.


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