First, why does anyone think this is okay to ask? I think I asked my dear friend R once - but she's one of my closest friends and we've known each other for fifteen years. Also, she had pre-eclampsia both times and I was afraid someone might, God forbid, die a third time. Aside from that, I may wonder, but I sure as hell don't ask.
Will I have another child? (I am fortunate enough to have no fertility issues that might prevent this; it's pretty much just up to me.) Probably not. A year ago, I would have said maybe. After the last six months of Continuous Bug Meltdown (he tried to head-butt me this week! And he slapped me across the face!), and after a year and a half of what I could only characterize as pregnancy/breastfeeding-related poor health*, I'm honestly not sure I'm willing to go through any part of that again. It would be very hard on my spouse, and I would be not-really-there for the children, and... well, I'm never taking that many antibiotics again unless the alternative is death or serious injury.
It seems ridiculous to put us all through that again, when I already have two healthy children and, more to the point, no burning desire for a third.
* In pregnancy: Migraines, 30 weeks of nausea, and strange sparkly visual stuff. Afterwards: mastitis, more migraines from antibiotics, chronic sinus infections eventually requiring surgery, more mastitis, FUCKING THRUSH, and, oh yes, the ridiculous food-allergy stuff probably resulting from all the antibiotics. This all happened the first time too.
Asking about other poeple's family plans is considered the height of rudeness (unless they volunteer the information, say, on their blog). My FIL had terrible parents and consequently very few manners. This weekend he said to my SIL, J (who lives with them, has PCOS, and desperately wants/is trying for a child), "If J would ever hurry up and have a baby already. C (her husband), you'd better get on that!" C was understandably offended/embarrassed, and retreated to their room. Bless his heart. (Does it work with males? You'd think so...)
ReplyDeleteOh, the sadness of continuous meltdowns. C1 has head butted me, and slapped me across the face, too. I'm not proud to admit it, but I think I slapped him back that time. (I just cried after the headbutting, which was an effective response.) Have you ever had the children tested for allergies? It could be a long shot, but considering your allergy history... Well, stranger things have happened. I'm happy to say, C1 is quite a delightful child now, since about age 5. Or, whenever we discovered the dust mite allergy and I put the covers on his bed/pillows and I started vacuuming regularly.
For what it's worth, this is't that strange. the only time my son - now 5 - has behaved in anything approaching a "normal" way has been after I followed an insanely restrictive allergy diet thingy. To be honest, it was just too hard to continue - I love cooking and having lots of food on hand too much, so decided to suck up the horror (which is getting easier anyway) - but take a look. It's interesting if nothing else: www.fedup.com.au
DeleteDefinitely a thought. But this mostly started around moving... I feel like we'll try the easy answers first (also, small town; an allergist comes through once a week for three hours, OR I could drive an hour!). I definitely can't handle anyone else with food allergies right now so I am going to COMPLETELY IGNORE the possibility!
DeletePs - it might say something about me that when the title of your blog post came up on my feeder, I assumed - naturally - that you were asking if I'd like a wine top up... (YES PLEASE)
ReplyDeleteNow, THAT question, I ask all the time.
DeleteI really, really, really hate that question. In our case the answer is yes barring any secondary fertility issues. However, it took almost a year to conceive Kiddo and I don't want anyone to be holding their breath and asking me every month if it's happened yet. How in the world is my reproductive system anyone's business but mine (and possibly my doctor's or husband's-- the latter because said possibly contents of uterus would be partially his doing).
ReplyDeleteUpon re-reading my comment, I realized that my last sentence (should have been question, but sleep deprivation) sort-of undermined my entire argument given the current political climate. Oops.
DeleteHa! Well, I know what you meant!
DeleteBlergh. I hate this question and am getting it every other day now that my littler guy turned 2. The simple answer is similar to yours for very similar reasons, but we DO have underlying fertility issues. And there are so many other (very personal) things to take into account that I do NOT want to get into with every random acquaintance or even not-best-friend, like finances, my mental health, my marriage. I usually just say "no". because its the easiest way to stop the conversation and prevent future inquiries (if I said "yes"...ooh boy, I'd have to very careful about dressing myself to hide the permanent post-baby pooch).
ReplyDeleteI think the last time someone asked directly, I said "Not just no, but HELL NO." And... that was the end of that conversation.
Delete