Like Giving Up Ice Cream

Lately I was thinking about people who say they aren't going to get married until their gay friends can.  (Ordinary people, not wealthy celebrities.)

Look, I think people should be able to form the households they choose, and share health insurance, tax benefits, and whatever else, regardless of what gender or genders they have, had, or will have.   I support marriage equality and give money to the ACLU.

But not getting married? It's a nice gesture, but I don't see how it solves anyone's problems.  Will it help - say - my gay cousin, if some random straight people aren't married?  (In the eyes of the law.  Marriage is, of course, in the heart, but marriage licenses are in the registrar's office.)

Those of you who can't legally marry your partners know better than me, but I understand a it takes a great deal of time and expense to substitute for marriage/ being straight.  Wills, guardianship, medical powers of attorney, second-parent adoption, paying for the privilege of being offended.  However, if I were not married and I spent all that money legally establishing Dr. S as the co-parent of my children, my cousin would still not be married according to the feds.  Or I could give it to the ACLU, who might do something useful with it.

Maybe for some people it's an important gesture. But to me, it seems more like everyone I know giving up ice cream because I can't eat dairy.

(Except you can't legislate allergies.  Still. Eat an ice cream for me, people.)