Dr. S applied for a number of jobs this year. One in particular, a teaching-heavy, medium sized Southern school, had a position he really wanted. It can be charitably described as Moderately Good And Moderatly Well-Known.
They posted their seminar schedule. The job candidates include 1) someone with three Nature papers and 2) someone from a Nobel lab, with a Science paper. These are people who apply for Snooty U-type jobs, not for teaching-heavy jobs in the South. ("But you just can't get good sushi there! And everyone drives pickup trucks! There are actually people named Bubba!"*) 'So unless they have personal reasons for wanting to be in central Beautiful Mountainous State, there is NO way they are taking these jobs.
Makes you wonder...
*I have heard real people voice these exact sentiments, along with "How can anyone get a good college education while working an actual job?"
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Like A Splinter
My annoyance relating to Tater's birth is getting worse. So I shall share it with you! My memories are a little fuzzy on account of in labor and not sleeping for a week- now with bonus jackhammer!- but I'm still pissed at:
1) The nurse and my already-least-favorite midwife having a spat in front of me. A little professionalism? Anyone? Anyone.
2) After the birth, the nurse wouldn't take my IV out. In fact, she turned the Pitocin way the hell up. I asked five times, and Dr. S asked twice, and she didn't. There was no medical indication (although, to be fair, the postpartum bleeding was greatly reduced). I'm still pissed.
2a) And the midwife totally abandoned me.
3) At my follow-up appointment I got a new, wet-ink-on-license midwife. Maybe 25. Unmarried, no kids. So condescending. Did I know that I should get 30 minutes of exercise a day? And then maybe I would lose weight? Of course! I had NO IDEA! All I needed was someone to tell me that! The two small children currently a) wrecking the exam room and b) screaming on the floor- have nothing to do with it. THANKS!!
She also needs to look up what NORMAL and COMMON mean, and write a 500-word summary.
On a scale of 1 to Horrific, I know these are really minor. But you know what? I STILL DON'T LIKE IT. It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.
And I was really fortunate for Bug's birth to be at a birth center with wonderful midwives, because they did not do a single solitary thing to which I objected. I objected quite strongly to the TERROR, and the asshole ER doc, but that was hardly the midwives' fault.
Okay, I feel better now.
1) The nurse and my already-least-favorite midwife having a spat in front of me. A little professionalism? Anyone? Anyone.
2) After the birth, the nurse wouldn't take my IV out. In fact, she turned the Pitocin way the hell up. I asked five times, and Dr. S asked twice, and she didn't. There was no medical indication (although, to be fair, the postpartum bleeding was greatly reduced). I'm still pissed.
2a) And the midwife totally abandoned me.
3) At my follow-up appointment I got a new, wet-ink-on-license midwife. Maybe 25. Unmarried, no kids. So condescending. Did I know that I should get 30 minutes of exercise a day? And then maybe I would lose weight? Of course! I had NO IDEA! All I needed was someone to tell me that! The two small children currently a) wrecking the exam room and b) screaming on the floor- have nothing to do with it. THANKS!!
She also needs to look up what NORMAL and COMMON mean, and write a 500-word summary.
On a scale of 1 to Horrific, I know these are really minor. But you know what? I STILL DON'T LIKE IT. It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.
And I was really fortunate for Bug's birth to be at a birth center with wonderful midwives, because they did not do a single solitary thing to which I objected. I objected quite strongly to the TERROR, and the asshole ER doc, but that was hardly the midwives' fault.
Okay, I feel better now.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
FMB: Unsaid
A few years ago I asked about Truly Horrible Things that, I suspected, had happened. And yes, this someone had lived Truly Horrible and also Amazingly Awful Things.* (This is someone with whom I have a close enough relationship for
personal questions. Also, the Truly
Horrible stuff was a really long time ago and this person has a happy, fulfilling life.)
I was glad this unanswered question was no longer hanging over our relationship. At the same time, knowing was much, much worse than imagining. I almost wish I hadn't asked; I don't know if I should have. I don't know if it's easier for the other person- this was something nobody ever talks about. I know their family shut the issue firmly in the woodshed, locked the door, and threw the key in the lake.
[Irrelevant digression: every so often I make a neutral noise like "Oh?" and someone spills forth with some personal drama, pain, or strife, sometimes accompanied by "Well, if you must know", and I always think NO! I do not MUST KNOW.]
*Of a magnitude to make me abandon my pacifist sentiments and, should I ever encounter the offender (unlikely in the extreme, fortunately), shoot 'em dead. The offender should be in jail. But won't be, more's the pity. I believe the statute of limitations has expired.
I was glad this unanswered question was no longer hanging over our relationship. At the same time, knowing was much, much worse than imagining. I almost wish I hadn't asked; I don't know if I should have. I don't know if it's easier for the other person- this was something nobody ever talks about. I know their family shut the issue firmly in the woodshed, locked the door, and threw the key in the lake.
[Irrelevant digression: every so often I make a neutral noise like "Oh?" and someone spills forth with some personal drama, pain, or strife, sometimes accompanied by "Well, if you must know", and I always think NO! I do not MUST KNOW.]
*Of a magnitude to make me abandon my pacifist sentiments and, should I ever encounter the offender (unlikely in the extreme, fortunately), shoot 'em dead. The offender should be in jail. But won't be, more's the pity. I believe the statute of limitations has expired.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Perspective
Two years ago: When my child is two, I will speak in a positive manner and not threaten him! No, I will say, you need to do X before Y can happen.
Two days ago: I will offer two chances for a positive statement and THEN I will threaten my toddler with the consequence. "Do X, or Y will happen."
Today: I will not slap my toddler. I will not slap my toddler. I will not slap my toddler. Is 8 AM too early for a drink?
(He's in his crib, 'calming down'. I am in the living room. Nobody has been slapped, except for me.)
P.S. I have come up with a sure-fire parenting technique to reduce conflict with an almost-three-year-old. If I never ask him to do anything, we will not have conflicts! Unfortunately, the inverse is true: If I ever ask him to do anything, we will have conflicts.
Two days ago: I will offer two chances for a positive statement and THEN I will threaten my toddler with the consequence. "Do X, or Y will happen."
Today: I will not slap my toddler. I will not slap my toddler. I will not slap my toddler. Is 8 AM too early for a drink?
(He's in his crib, 'calming down'. I am in the living room. Nobody has been slapped, except for me.)
P.S. I have come up with a sure-fire parenting technique to reduce conflict with an almost-three-year-old. If I never ask him to do anything, we will not have conflicts! Unfortunately, the inverse is true: If I ever ask him to do anything, we will have conflicts.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Learning and Ability
The second half of "I want my child to learn things" is, that's not really what I want. I want him to develop his mind such that he can learn things in whatever measure he can. And I think that's what every parent wants for their child, no matter what challenges that child may face. They want them to be able to learn as much as they can.
My children are healthy. I am lucky; our measures are large. One tot friend just had a sibling with very significant physical and mental challenges. My children's good health gives me the luxury to worry if they are learning things like reading, rather than things like walking and eating.
My children are healthy. I am lucky; our measures are large. One tot friend just had a sibling with very significant physical and mental challenges. My children's good health gives me the luxury to worry if they are learning things like reading, rather than things like walking and eating.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
FMB: Frustration and Learning
This past year, I have been teaching myself to knit. I am now on the level of your average third-grader. I just knit my first-ever non-hat item (a baby vest, picture forthcoming), and I am almost embarrassed to admit how many rows I had to rip out. The thing's only 11 inches tall, for pete's sake! Why am I so bad at this?
Then I remind myself that I've been sewing for 24 years. I would expect a sewer of one year's equivalent highly intermittent experience (I'd say, someone who's sewed five tote bags) to produce a competent apron. Somehow, I can apply realistic expectations to my children, but not myself.
The last time I learned a complex physical skill was probably a really long time ago. Perhaps fifteen years ago, the first time I worked in a lab? Intellectual things you can, sometimes, just think harder about.
At the same time- much like being a small child again!- it is very frustrating to have to work so hard, and to know that I need many more years' experience to actually be GOOD.
Then I remind myself that I've been sewing for 24 years. I would expect a sewer of one year's equivalent highly intermittent experience (I'd say, someone who's sewed five tote bags) to produce a competent apron. Somehow, I can apply realistic expectations to my children, but not myself.
The last time I learned a complex physical skill was probably a really long time ago. Perhaps fifteen years ago, the first time I worked in a lab? Intellectual things you can, sometimes, just think harder about.
At the same time- much like being a small child again!- it is very frustrating to have to work so hard, and to know that I need many more years' experience to actually be GOOD.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Makeup
Fun, sparkly, and pretty, or an oppressive tool of the patriarchy? I CAN'T DECIDE.
(Of course, as a good Southerner, I wear skirts and dresses and hats and scarves and earrings and all. Somehow, my sticking point is makeup. And comfortable shoes.)
(Of course, as a good Southerner, I wear skirts and dresses and hats and scarves and earrings and all. Somehow, my sticking point is makeup. And comfortable shoes.)
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Happy Birthday To Us
Two days ago:
Dr. S: We can't take the earned income tax credit.
Me: But we qualify?
Dr. S: Except my stipend is 'unearned income'. Sheep@#$%ers.
Me: Oh, and we have to go to the DMV tomorrow. Our licenses expire this week.
Dr. S: [Unprintable].
Yesterday:
Dr. S: I finished! We don't owe any taxes.
Me: You mean we overpaid and we're getting a refund?
Dr. S: No. We owe the feds ZERO dollars in taxes this year. We paid them $$$$ and they are paying us back $$$$.
Me: .... well, that's just depressing. Although! Now we can pay the exterminator!*
Today:
Dr. S and I are a combined total of 65. (We'll only be 64 separately.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
(It is also my sister Prudence's birthday. She is 22.)
*Mice. In the attic. Dozens of mice. The only things I hate more than mice are spiders.
Dr. S: We can't take the earned income tax credit.
Me: But we qualify?
Dr. S: Except my stipend is 'unearned income'. Sheep@#$%ers.
Me: Oh, and we have to go to the DMV tomorrow. Our licenses expire this week.
Dr. S: [Unprintable].
Yesterday:
Dr. S: I finished! We don't owe any taxes.
Me: You mean we overpaid and we're getting a refund?
Dr. S: No. We owe the feds ZERO dollars in taxes this year. We paid them $$$$ and they are paying us back $$$$.
Me: .... well, that's just depressing. Although! Now we can pay the exterminator!*
Today:
Dr. S and I are a combined total of 65. (We'll only be 64 separately.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
(It is also my sister Prudence's birthday. She is 22.)
*Mice. In the attic. Dozens of mice. The only things I hate more than mice are spiders.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
FMB: In Which I Am Annoyed About Preschool
Dear Mothers I Know,
No, Bug is not going to preschool this fall, for several excellent reasons:
1) I can both read and do math. I can, in fact, teach him these things myself, FOR FREE.
2) We have a Montessori philosophy! He has his own mop and apron, and I require his child labor at home.
3) We can either spend $4000 a year (11% of our total gross income, thank you for asking, I BET IT'S A LOT LESS OF YOURS) on preschool, or put it in a college fund. College or preschool: which one is more USEFUL???
4) Contrary to your insane opinions, your child's entire future is NOT determined at age three.
4a) In fact, hearing you all complain about the other aggressive, mean, bitey little snowflakes: why would I want to do this?
5) He can learn to stand in line and follow orders later. I do not think these are essential life skills for a toddler.
Sincerely Yours,
Annoyed Mother Who Made Actual Financial Sacrifices To Stay Home, Unlike Your Dilemmas Over Stainless Steel Appliances
No, Bug is not going to preschool this fall, for several excellent reasons:
1) I can both read and do math. I can, in fact, teach him these things myself, FOR FREE.
2) We have a Montessori philosophy! He has his own mop and apron, and I require his child labor at home.
3) We can either spend $4000 a year (11% of our total gross income, thank you for asking, I BET IT'S A LOT LESS OF YOURS) on preschool, or put it in a college fund. College or preschool: which one is more USEFUL???
4) Contrary to your insane opinions, your child's entire future is NOT determined at age three.
4a) In fact, hearing you all complain about the other aggressive, mean, bitey little snowflakes: why would I want to do this?
5) He can learn to stand in line and follow orders later. I do not think these are essential life skills for a toddler.
Sincerely Yours,
Annoyed Mother Who Made Actual Financial Sacrifices To Stay Home, Unlike Your Dilemmas Over Stainless Steel Appliances
Sunday, February 05, 2012
Uncomfortable
Look, it's not just me: people here in Cold State are really friendly. Which is great, because, for example, we know all our neighbors, and it's really easy to chat with random people at the library, and so on.
But in the South, You Do Not Ask Personal Questions.
So I'm always disconcerted when relative strangers tell me all about their personal lives: my pediatrician's surrogacy journey, my neighbor's unwed-mother-granddaughter, my other neighbor's daughter's hysterectomy... I can't think of any others right now, but they're not limited to reproduction. There is a small part of my Southern soul that is just appalled that these people are telling me these things, as if they'd just run down the street naked.
(It's not just me. All the other Southerners here are similarly rendered deeply, profoundly uncomfortable.)
But in the South, You Do Not Ask Personal Questions.
So I'm always disconcerted when relative strangers tell me all about their personal lives: my pediatrician's surrogacy journey, my neighbor's unwed-mother-granddaughter, my other neighbor's daughter's hysterectomy... I can't think of any others right now, but they're not limited to reproduction. There is a small part of my Southern soul that is just appalled that these people are telling me these things, as if they'd just run down the street naked.
(It's not just me. All the other Southerners here are similarly rendered deeply, profoundly uncomfortable.)
Friday, February 03, 2012
Turns Out
I just stumbled across the blog of someone I knew in college. And: I don't like her any better now than I did then.
My dear college roommate R, on the other hand? I want to live next door. I guess that one has stood the test of time.
My dear college roommate R, on the other hand? I want to live next door. I guess that one has stood the test of time.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Lack of Sympathy
My dear spouse is almost never sick. He is virtually never ever sick enough to stay home from work.
I, on the other hand, am a walking attack of plague and allergy. For five days in a row, I have enjoyed a sensation like 10,000 tiny needle-footed ants walking over my body. As you might imagine, this makes it exceedingly hard to sleep. In fact, it keeps me awake through a dose of Benadryl that should fell a horse. So I have been laying awake for three or four hours every night full of pain, exhaustion, misery, and frustrated rage.
And then Dr. S had the effrontery to be annoyed when I asked him to go into work a little late. Because I didn't think I could take care of the children on three hours' sleep.
(I'm off to the doctor later so they can tell me to drink more water and moisturize. Inevitably. Gosh! I surely DIDN'T THINK OF THAT MYSELF.)
I, on the other hand, am a walking attack of plague and allergy. For five days in a row, I have enjoyed a sensation like 10,000 tiny needle-footed ants walking over my body. As you might imagine, this makes it exceedingly hard to sleep. In fact, it keeps me awake through a dose of Benadryl that should fell a horse. So I have been laying awake for three or four hours every night full of pain, exhaustion, misery, and frustrated rage.
And then Dr. S had the effrontery to be annoyed when I asked him to go into work a little late. Because I didn't think I could take care of the children on three hours' sleep.
(I'm off to the doctor later so they can tell me to drink more water and moisturize. Inevitably. Gosh! I surely DIDN'T THINK OF THAT MYSELF.)
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