(Because when do I ever have more than five minutes to do nothing but type?)
So weaning. I'm trying to dissect my feelings on this so I can... something... feel better about it? (Insert mandatory disclaimer about how I'm so grateful I have healthy babies and can nurse BLAH BLAH BLAH; okay, aren't we glad that's over? Because it doesn't actually make this suck any less.)
I still have a headache all the time. I almost preferred the migraines, as they left me limp and uncomplaining, rather than snappy and crabby all the time. Perhaps it's time to start weaning Tatoe.
The problem is - well, they are several! I don't know how, except to refuse him milk, which he clearly wants, cover myself with something large and waterproof, and offer him milk in a cup. (He burbles it everywhere.) I don't think anything short of total weaning allow me to stop antibiotics, and I don't want to. I am angry and resentful that a bunch of biofilm-forming bacteria are forcing me into something I don't want to do. I like the ease and convenience of breastfeeding. I give low odds of the child drinking formula at this point. He might accept milk. He might eat more, but he also only has four teeth, not all opposing one another. I can put him to sleep without it, because he already gets put down awake, but I don't want to.
Here: I am angry and resentful that my inability to tolerate a constant, stabbingly painful headache (if only I were more determined about breasfeeding!*) leaves me with two choices, both of which I dislike. I want something to magically fix this problem for me. At the same time, I realize that it doesn't really matter to anyone but me - it's not like children suffer from not being breastfed - and isn't a big deal. It still feels like a big deal to me and I am upset.
What I need to do is make a breasfeeding-decreasing schedule and stick to it. What I am doing is sitting on the couch, crying about it.
*Sarcasm.
Bleeping bacteria!!! Who do they think they are, anyway? They think they're so cool hiding behind their impenetrable biofilm, sending little chemical signals to each other, just LAUGHING! Smug little cells, I wish I could smack them.
ReplyDelete1. You shouldn't have to wean.
2. But, you really probably should, for your own health and sanity.
3. I think the easiest way for me to wean was to leave my child with someone else all day, and pretend I didn't know what they wanted every morning and evening when I saw them again.
4. I just know your mother wants to take Tatoe home with her. Oh, she doesn't? Well, next week would be good with me.
5. Sorry about whole sucky situation.
Thanks for offering! I will keep it in reserve. I am waiting to hear back from the doctor on Other Drugs, Please. And... I'm not letting him nurse when he wants. So far: he's woken up every night at THREE IN THE F*ING MORNING wanting milk, when of course I'm too not-awake to refuse him... gaaaah.
DeleteWeaning, I think even under the most romantic circumstances, is emotional. Of COURSE you're upset. I was upset, and I hadn't been enduring agony for, uh, YEARS. I DO hope you'll wean--it seems like you deserve to not suffer for a little. But in the meantime, please don't beat yourself up for not being able to take the misery, or make yourself feel small because it only matters to you. YOU MATTER. I wish someone had been able to fix it. It sucks. I feel like I'm yelling at you, but I'm just trying to emphasize that you're a tough lady and deserve a lot of credit and sympathetic hugs and liquor.
ReplyDelete(Oh, and Bun Bun ate all manner of things with her 3.25 teeth. My impression is gums are quite effective.)
When I finally weaned Bug he, mercifully, made it completely unemotional. Biting + screaming + 2 = ALL DONE.
DeleteThanks for the support. I do appreciate it.
(Tatoe is up to FIVE teeth now!)
I could more or less have written this whole post, if for slightly different reasons, with an emphasis on the anger and resentment, it sucks, and I'm sorry you are experiencing it.
ReplyDeleteAll the more reason for you to come visit. We have so much to drink, erm, talk about!
Natural and easy MY CHUBBY REAR. So much to drink indeed. My translation efforts brought me a bottle of Angel's Envy (bourbon, naturally) and ooooooh. When - when, I say!- I ditch the family and come to Brooklyn, I will be sure to bring some.
Delete