I went to a Christmas party at the house of a postdoc Dr. S knows. Not only was I the only house-spouse there, we brought the only kids. (Who were delightfully well behaved; Bug was kind to the dog, and neither made a mess nor broke any ornaments.) Bug ate salad and told people all about dinosaurs, and Tater mostly slept, and a good time was had by all.
It was weird. Less weird than when I met Dr. S's very-Asperger's coworker who totally condescended to me until I not-so-subtly mentioned that I'd had a PhD for 3 years LONGER than her. But it's weird. And what do you do? I make peanut butter sandwiches and change diapers and wash a lot of laundry, and oh, in my spare time I read science papers and do editing and teach my kid to read. And you?
I think NPR had a commentary piece on just this topic a few years ago. I think their conclusion was that it was just pretty awkward. Also something about how what we do for work shouldn't define who we are. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband has more years of education than I do, yet he is the stay-at-home-parent. So we REALLY bake people's noodles. My job pays about double (sometimes quadruple depending on the year he has) what he makes, AND comes with benefits, which freelancing never does. Add in having a special needs child (who would NOT be insurable without my job being essentially forced to do it), and yeah, I'll continue being "different."
ReplyDeleteAnd let me tell you, as the ONLY "working" mom out of all the J-man's classmates' moms, I get the looks all the time. Tim, of course, gets praised...
Mary: Awk! The ONLY one??? Ah, the South. Lord love 'em.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely awkward, and people have different stages in their lives, but unfortunately work does define a large part of stuff.
AND now I have to go back to unpaid scientific editing for the spouse. I suppose it's work of a sort, along with bread-baking and diaper-washing....
The J-man only has 8 kids total in his class, so I'm only 1-of-8 instead of 1-of-30 or something!
ReplyDeleteI mostly just wish SAHM or WAHM got the respect/praise/admiration that my husband does... and he gets that because he's the SAHD instead, and so it's (I don't know) harder for him since he's a dad instead of a mom? And, on the flip side, I wish WOHM (although officially I work AT home because I telecommute!) got as much respect as WOHD for making the money, and then coming home and doing the second shift of cooking/cleaning/childcare.