Tuesday, March 01, 2011

But Are You Sure?

I recently told my mom a true story: a friend's sister-in-law found out she was pregnant... at 37 weeks. With her third child.

"She went to all these doctors," I said, "and they asked 'Is there any chance you could be pregnant?' and she said 'No.' And not one of them did a test! Not ONE!"

"Once I saw a woman," my mom said, "and I asked her, is there any chance you could be pregnant? She said no. So I asked, well, have you had a hysterectomy, or are you using any birth control? She said no. Then how can you be sure? I asked."

"'I'm a nun,' the woman said."

So there you have it. The only two ways to be really, truly sure you're not pregnant.


  1. this is a fun one for lesbians giving medical histories, too. for instance:

    resident: periods regular?

    me, age 18: usually, though i'm a bit late this month.

    resident perks up, visibly excited.
    resident: possibility of pregnancy?

    me: no.

    resident: sexually active?

    me: yes.

    resident: using birth control?

    me: no.

    resident, going in for the kill, after some more, increasingly condescending-toned questions along these lines: i'm just curious, partner have a vasectomy?

    me: partner's a woman.

    the back-pedaling -- which included frantic, stuttered blurting "not that there's anything wrong -- some of my best friends -- lower disease transmission!" -- was very enjoyable. and i like to think it was a teachable moment about not assuming your patients are wrong.

    ...but since 5 minutes later she accused me of not telling her about my tonsillectomy and i had to tell her to take another look and see that i still have my tonsils, possibly the lesson was lost on her.

  2. Jenn, PhD7:22 AM

    bahahaha. Thanks for making me smile today

  3. No kidding! I kind of am lumping in lesbian with nun, solely for birth-control purposes here.... no sex with men = NOT PREGNANT.

  4. I do like how you found a grouping in which lesbians and nuns go together :)


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