Dear Family, Friends, Acquaintances, Classmates, Co-Workers, Dr. S's Co-Workers, and Clergy Members:

I do not have a thesis defense date yet. I do not know when I will be done. I assure you that my fondest desire is to leave this hellhole and never come back. I will tell you when the happy event is projected to occur.

Also, I will bite the next person who asks.

Sincerely yours,

Let Me Out Before I Get Arrested