We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled

I keep wondering if there's something wrong with me; I'm so tired. Sick? Some sort of syndrome? The return of the Awful Horrible Black Slough of Despond? I always conclude, no, I don't have chronic fatigue syndrome, I'm just chronically fatigued.

Also, I'm sick. Excuse me; I'm going to lie down for a day or two.

***

A real job ad:

We seek applications to fill one or two tenure-track positions at either the ASSISTANT or ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR levels from individuals studying fundamental molecular processes in eukaryotic organisms. We encourage applications in structural biology, genomics, membrane biology, and bioinformatics.

A real job ad that reads like a satire on academic politics:

We invite applications for a tenure-track ASSISTANT PROFESSOR appointment. The applicant should conduct research at the interface of molecular biology and systems neuroscience aimed at understanding neural circuits and the control of behavior.

***

From my hometown newspaper. They always feature a sick kid (Human! Interest!), and someone is always piously thanking God for their trials. But this one's special:

Sarah Fitchett had a bruise on her left arm, and it wouldn't go away.... "I let go of the door and it came back and hit my arm," she said. "It was the size of a goose egg," said her mother, Michelle Bendle.
...
The Bendles are hopeful that the drug therapy will continue to be successful, and Michelle feels that the bruise on her daughter's left arm was a sign from God. "It was God causing the bruise and leading me to call the nurse," said Bendle.

Sure. And I have this divine sign on my knee.