Parenthood sure leaves me wondering what I'm doing a lot of the time. Why do they fight? Why won't they just go to sleep? Why must there be so much arguing about seasonally appropriate clothing when it's 20 degrees outside? So I was trying to think of things I'm sure we've done right.
1) Having a craft cabinet and a kitchen table we don't care about. The kids all love to draw and paint and cut things out and we have encouraged it by letting them do whatever.
2) Assigning food no moral value. There's 'the nutrition your body needs', there's 'treats are tasty but you need proteins and veggies too', there's 'try to eat a balance of different foods', but there is 0% of 'that food is bad for you' in this house. (We often say if you ate only doughnuts you'd get sick but if you ate only carrots you'd also get sick.)
3) Letting them learn to read at their own pace. The older kids were both super slow about it but we didn't kill their love of reading and now they're both excellent readers, so, a win! The littlest one is only four but is learning her letters with great enthusiasm.
4) Trying really hard to teach persistence. This has mostly taken two forms, either 'I have confidence that you can try to do this thing, and if you really can't after you try, I'll help you', or 'The way to get better at things is to start out not-so-good and keep working, so let's practice math some more.'
5) Letting the adults in the house have needs too. Sometimes they can wait a few minutes while I go to the bathroom ALONE! Sometimes they can get their own snacks! It's great.
What have you done right? Congratulate yourself!
Showing posts with label Mommying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mommying. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2019
Monday, June 04, 2018
Busy, Busy, Busy
... no time to think.
This week and next week are Mommy Camp, i.e. I must entertain three children for about eleven hours a day. (If I do not entertain them, they start hitting each other. No, I cannot prevent it; there are three of them and only one of me.)
So far we have done: bike riding practice, baking lessons, summer reading, Nerf playtime with friends, lots of walking, juneberry foraging, and, tomorrow, strawberry picking. This week there are tennis lessons. Also, we have been to Walmart four times in four days. Don't even ask.
In ten days the spouse and I leave for Australia. So far I have Zenmoo's invaluable travel advice (thank you!!!), a travel charger thing, and a pile of random garments and bags and stuff.
I have indulged in a frenzy of online shopping, by which I mean I have bought things we don't urgently need, such as two rain jackets that don't leak (the last one was from a dumpster at Snooty U, circa 2004; it has had a long life for a free jacket), and two pairs of hiking pants (jeans dry with exceeding slowness). Considering that the spouse has just received two grants and a large lump-sum payment... it's probably fine. I just have this nagging guilt/worry about spending money on anything.
This week and next week are Mommy Camp, i.e. I must entertain three children for about eleven hours a day. (If I do not entertain them, they start hitting each other. No, I cannot prevent it; there are three of them and only one of me.)
So far we have done: bike riding practice, baking lessons, summer reading, Nerf playtime with friends, lots of walking, juneberry foraging, and, tomorrow, strawberry picking. This week there are tennis lessons. Also, we have been to Walmart four times in four days. Don't even ask.
In ten days the spouse and I leave for Australia. So far I have Zenmoo's invaluable travel advice (thank you!!!), a travel charger thing, and a pile of random garments and bags and stuff.
I have indulged in a frenzy of online shopping, by which I mean I have bought things we don't urgently need, such as two rain jackets that don't leak (the last one was from a dumpster at Snooty U, circa 2004; it has had a long life for a free jacket), and two pairs of hiking pants (jeans dry with exceeding slowness). Considering that the spouse has just received two grants and a large lump-sum payment... it's probably fine. I just have this nagging guilt/worry about spending money on anything.
Wednesday, April 18, 2018
On the Division of Labor, Again
Since I was last extremely irritated on the subject of the division of spousal labor:
- I asked the spouse to take Child #1 to his yearly checkup. This required four (4) reminders despite being on the family online calendar, but it was then accomplished without my intervention.
- The spouse volunteered to a) come home early twice a week and b) take Child #1 out to play basketball, so that said child might actually sleep on the regular. He has done so twice!
- We came to an agreement about children's swimming lessons, wherein we are both inconvenienced, but not terminally so.
- We have been swapping off, once a week each, putting the kids to bed alone. This way the free-time-available-per-parent is more favorable.
I realized that part of what going on was that the spouse was taking my time and organization for granted... but I was also going along with the default that had come along after many years of habit, where I arrange and then follow through on all appointments, repair persons, medical needs, and summer camps.
I will probably continue to organize at least most of these. However, I don't mind organizing this, because the spouse organizes such things as trash, investments, and car repairs. I mind doing all of it as well. So if we continue to split the actual, inconvenient carting-of-children, I think I can be more satisfied with how it goes. I do need to ask! And he needs to continue to be cheerful about it.
Monday, June 05, 2017
Very Brief Update
I have nothing interesting to tell you about so here:
Health: still iffy but somewhat less so following some minor surgery and lots more drugs
Job: doesn't exist in the summer, but my last paycheck deposited last week. I like money.
Children: all home for two weeks until camp starts and they are going to SO MUCH CAMP
Plant habit: still going strong (a bay-leaf shrub, a particular rugosa rose, a penstemon and... something... are the latest acquisitions). I've also started propagating stuff from cuttings, so there's a wee nursery going by the side of the house. It's quite satisfying. Some of them, I've forgotten what they are, so it's also an exciting mystery...
Spouse: is in exceedingly poor humor lately despite getting a paper published and being awarded not one but two grants, which come with a virtual guarantee of tenure. I don't even know.
Travel: I am taking the children to the Land Of Cheese And Sausage in three weeks, to visit mostly N. and maybe see a few other mom-friends (the ones I do actually like, though not enough to go 900 miles only to see them).
Children: did I mention they're ALL home? Three kids is still a lot of kids.
Health: still iffy but somewhat less so following some minor surgery and lots more drugs
Job: doesn't exist in the summer, but my last paycheck deposited last week. I like money.
Children: all home for two weeks until camp starts and they are going to SO MUCH CAMP
Plant habit: still going strong (a bay-leaf shrub, a particular rugosa rose, a penstemon and... something... are the latest acquisitions). I've also started propagating stuff from cuttings, so there's a wee nursery going by the side of the house. It's quite satisfying. Some of them, I've forgotten what they are, so it's also an exciting mystery...
Spouse: is in exceedingly poor humor lately despite getting a paper published and being awarded not one but two grants, which come with a virtual guarantee of tenure. I don't even know.
Travel: I am taking the children to the Land Of Cheese And Sausage in three weeks, to visit mostly N. and maybe see a few other mom-friends (the ones I do actually like, though not enough to go 900 miles only to see them).
Children: did I mention they're ALL home? Three kids is still a lot of kids.
Friday, May 19, 2017
FMB: Jobs, Part 2
With respect to the previously mentioned diagram: I don't think one's job necessarily can or should fulfil all the desirable qualities at once - it's labelled 'a reason for being', after all. Ideally, 'get paid' should be included: that's what jobs are for. (Please don't start with parenting is a job because it is but no-one is paying me for this nonsense. For the purposes of this discussion, 'jobs' are 'things we do in exchange for money', as opposed to, say, 'work'.)
So... what is lacking in *my* job? Change. Opportunity to learn or do something different.
And what do I love? Gardening. Explaining how science works in the real world (it's all chemicals! let me introduce you to... the liver!). Sewing, canning, making things. Having a tidy house, though not actually tidying it.
It is no coincidence that the things I love are the things I do the least: I am the primary caregiver for a two-year-old, and I only have childcare while I'm at work. (For many complex reasons, starting with finances and ending with small-town-with-only-one-daycare and did we mention holy hell it's expensive, 'just pay for more childcare' is not going to work.)
Next year, I will have twelve hours a week of child-free time when I'm also not teaching; this includes lunch. Six hours go to class prep. At least an hour goes to lunch. The last block will be between classes - so gardening is probably out - and I expect medical appointments to take up much of it. So the main problem is I just don't have time to do anything I want to do. (For health reasons, I also haven't been strong enough to do much, either.)
Next up: how can I make room for these things in my life?
(It took me 30 minutes to write for five minutes due to children arguing, the phone ringing, and numerous requests. Argh.)
So... what is lacking in *my* job? Change. Opportunity to learn or do something different.
And what do I love? Gardening. Explaining how science works in the real world (it's all chemicals! let me introduce you to... the liver!). Sewing, canning, making things. Having a tidy house, though not actually tidying it.
It is no coincidence that the things I love are the things I do the least: I am the primary caregiver for a two-year-old, and I only have childcare while I'm at work. (For many complex reasons, starting with finances and ending with small-town-with-only-one-daycare and did we mention holy hell it's expensive, 'just pay for more childcare' is not going to work.)
Next year, I will have twelve hours a week of child-free time when I'm also not teaching; this includes lunch. Six hours go to class prep. At least an hour goes to lunch. The last block will be between classes - so gardening is probably out - and I expect medical appointments to take up much of it. So the main problem is I just don't have time to do anything I want to do. (For health reasons, I also haven't been strong enough to do much, either.)
Next up: how can I make room for these things in my life?
(It took me 30 minutes to write for five minutes due to children arguing, the phone ringing, and numerous requests. Argh.)
Friday, February 24, 2017
On Jobs, Part the Millionth (Naptime Blogging)
I recently applied for a job Assessing Things. I was quite well qualified, but they didn't bother to interview me. (I guess that they had already decided who they were going to hire, but anyways.) This makes three jobs at Mountain U that I've applied for, with zero results.
There are, functionally, no other viable employers here. Will my spouse's employer ever employ me? Will he have to apply for jobs elsewhere to give me any leverage? (Possibly, but that doesn't make it a good idea.)
On the other hand, for now I have a job. It's conveniently located and relatively well paid (per hour). I am not super fond of Endless Lab Which Everyone Hates, but this semester I picked up a lecture which actually contains stuff I care about and/or can engage the students with, and that they don't totally hate.* Let's be honest: titration is not really a useful life skill, but biology is at least relevant to them being alive. For Reasons, however, my wages are functionally capped at half-time. I would very much like to make a reasonable total salary at some point.
I worry that the longer I teach, the more likely it becomes that I will be stuck teaching forever. (Yes, I am still doing the certificate in IT Things.) I'm actually pretty good at it - I can tell where I need to get better, but this is the first time I've lectured since 2004, so cut me a little slack - and I can interest all of my students at least some of the time. I don't think I'll inspire any of them to go into research (not least because I strongly discourage grad school!) but I can teach them something. (This year, this is the one thing they'll remember, but whatever.)
But.... I've been doing it long enough to have a reasonable schedule. I want a MWF lecture with a W lab? Yep, I can have that. I can have 3 other labs every semester (this sounds like a lot, but isn't; they're the same lab, and designed to be very little work for me.) The people who do the scheduling are now different people, and they treat me with respect and courtesy and also it's February and I have a September schedule already. This is much more workable; the previous chair inspired me to fire-filled rage, so that was 100% not working, but this might be okay.
What do I really want from a job? Probably... something that feels like a mental stretch at least some of the time, rather than force-feeding science.** Something where I get better at something that I value. (I am not sure that the Foie Gras approach to science has value to me, although it is standard for this intro course, for well-founded reasons; also, this is why I didn't major in biology in college.) Something with a full-time salary.
But again, I don't know if it's so bad. I was talking to two of my female students a couple weeks ago, and seeing myself through their eyes practically gave me vertigo. The person they were seeing is dressed in professional and stylish*** clothing, earned a fancy PhD, takes no nonsense, and leads a nice, fairly well-off, happy life with a good spouse and healthy children. She has a job where she gets respect, professional fulfilment, and the opportunity to make science interesting. She's a role model. (Who is this person? Not me; I'm the barely-awake mother of a toddler who switched xylem and phloem the other week, and just said a totally wrong thing about epidurals.)
Whaaaaat am I even doing with my life? I have no trajectory! I lack a plan! I am... going with the flow and, incidentally, doing a LOT more of the housework than I'm happy with long-term!^ Ack! Ack! Ack!
TL;DR = I flail a lot but this is Good Enough For Now, so nothing's going to change right now.
* This week, in response to a casual question, I gave a short lecture on muscle-related mutations which lead to increased performance in elite athletes. Everyone was interested and awake! It was great!
**I was offered an upper-level lecture/seminar next term, but it would end up being twice as much work (really) for 50% less money - and a one-off, not a regular thing- so... no. (I pointed it out to my immediate employer in those exact terms, in fact.)
*** My work wardrobe is 100% from our (relatively posh) Goodwill.
^ Because I work somewhat less than half-time. Also, five-minute commute.
There are, functionally, no other viable employers here. Will my spouse's employer ever employ me? Will he have to apply for jobs elsewhere to give me any leverage? (Possibly, but that doesn't make it a good idea.)
On the other hand, for now I have a job. It's conveniently located and relatively well paid (per hour). I am not super fond of Endless Lab Which Everyone Hates, but this semester I picked up a lecture which actually contains stuff I care about and/or can engage the students with, and that they don't totally hate.* Let's be honest: titration is not really a useful life skill, but biology is at least relevant to them being alive. For Reasons, however, my wages are functionally capped at half-time. I would very much like to make a reasonable total salary at some point.
I worry that the longer I teach, the more likely it becomes that I will be stuck teaching forever. (Yes, I am still doing the certificate in IT Things.) I'm actually pretty good at it - I can tell where I need to get better, but this is the first time I've lectured since 2004, so cut me a little slack - and I can interest all of my students at least some of the time. I don't think I'll inspire any of them to go into research (not least because I strongly discourage grad school!) but I can teach them something. (This year, this is the one thing they'll remember, but whatever.)
But.... I've been doing it long enough to have a reasonable schedule. I want a MWF lecture with a W lab? Yep, I can have that. I can have 3 other labs every semester (this sounds like a lot, but isn't; they're the same lab, and designed to be very little work for me.) The people who do the scheduling are now different people, and they treat me with respect and courtesy and also it's February and I have a September schedule already. This is much more workable; the previous chair inspired me to fire-filled rage, so that was 100% not working, but this might be okay.
What do I really want from a job? Probably... something that feels like a mental stretch at least some of the time, rather than force-feeding science.** Something where I get better at something that I value. (I am not sure that the Foie Gras approach to science has value to me, although it is standard for this intro course, for well-founded reasons; also, this is why I didn't major in biology in college.) Something with a full-time salary.
But again, I don't know if it's so bad. I was talking to two of my female students a couple weeks ago, and seeing myself through their eyes practically gave me vertigo. The person they were seeing is dressed in professional and stylish*** clothing, earned a fancy PhD, takes no nonsense, and leads a nice, fairly well-off, happy life with a good spouse and healthy children. She has a job where she gets respect, professional fulfilment, and the opportunity to make science interesting. She's a role model. (Who is this person? Not me; I'm the barely-awake mother of a toddler who switched xylem and phloem the other week, and just said a totally wrong thing about epidurals.)
Whaaaaat am I even doing with my life? I have no trajectory! I lack a plan! I am... going with the flow and, incidentally, doing a LOT more of the housework than I'm happy with long-term!^ Ack! Ack! Ack!
TL;DR = I flail a lot but this is Good Enough For Now, so nothing's going to change right now.
* This week, in response to a casual question, I gave a short lecture on muscle-related mutations which lead to increased performance in elite athletes. Everyone was interested and awake! It was great!
**I was offered an upper-level lecture/seminar next term, but it would end up being twice as much work (really) for 50% less money - and a one-off, not a regular thing- so... no. (I pointed it out to my immediate employer in those exact terms, in fact.)
*** My work wardrobe is 100% from our (relatively posh) Goodwill.
^ Because I work somewhat less than half-time. Also, five-minute commute.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Static
... in all the senses.
My yard is still weedy. The flowers are growing and are very pretty
My job is still in limbo because Outgoing Chair has not yet Outgoed.
The job I don't want has had zero qualified applicants. I am aaalllllmost tempted to apply... but I really don't want to manage conflict for a living. (Is this better than nothing? Probably not.)
The children are still children. I have attempted to solve this by sending them to camp.
My health has reset itself to pre-Sweetpea levels (IRONY ALERT: discovered I was pregnant five days after that first one, though I didn't write about it for a while). It is a work in progress. I would like to return to 'not in constant pain'.
Everything else is just going along. Sweetpea is using baby sentences. Everyone is getting wet and muddy on the regular (creek in middle of front yard). Dr. S has research students as usual.* I have now stayed up too late writing.
* Every humanities faculty member ever: "It must be so HELPFUL to have research students!"
Me: "Have you ever baked cookies with a three year old? Now imagine four at once."
My yard is still weedy. The flowers are growing and are very pretty
My job is still in limbo because Outgoing Chair has not yet Outgoed.
The job I don't want has had zero qualified applicants. I am aaalllllmost tempted to apply... but I really don't want to manage conflict for a living. (Is this better than nothing? Probably not.)
The children are still children. I have attempted to solve this by sending them to camp.
My health has reset itself to pre-Sweetpea levels (IRONY ALERT: discovered I was pregnant five days after that first one, though I didn't write about it for a while). It is a work in progress. I would like to return to 'not in constant pain'.
Everything else is just going along. Sweetpea is using baby sentences. Everyone is getting wet and muddy on the regular (creek in middle of front yard). Dr. S has research students as usual.* I have now stayed up too late writing.
* Every humanities faculty member ever: "It must be so HELPFUL to have research students!"
Me: "Have you ever baked cookies with a three year old? Now imagine four at once."
Friday, May 20, 2016
On Working
Dear Readers, my course is over for the year and I am bored.
You know what? I don't really value stay-at-home-parenting. It's necessary that someone should do all the Stuff but damn, I'd rather be doing something else. As a corollary, I have no plans to ever home-school because I value my professional labor over my child-wrangling/educating labor.* Also, the thought gives me hives. I pretty much loathe being stuck at home with screaming children and/or in Nap Jail, trying to make food I can't eat for children who are going to whine about it.**
I'm applying for jobs^ and talking to the new chair^^ and trying to work stuff out but people, this is a HARD time.
Problem: Boredom
Solutions: More stuff to do
Impediment: None of it is stuff I want to do (cleaning, laundry, fucking dinner fucking again)
Other Solutions: More job
Impediment: Two cows per person; county population 24,000
Problem: Many small children
Solution: Time, drinking
Impediment: Have had to give up drinking for boring medical reasons
Other Solutions: More chocolate
Problem: Lack of employment
Solution: Apply for more jobs
Impediment: Lack of jobs
Other Solutions: More chocolate; more gym
Problem: Loneliness
Solution: Talk to people more
Impediment: I don't like people
Other Solutions: Find more logical/rational people. Where ARE they?
* Notice how I don't say I would never. I recognize that there are many life circumstances that may make home-schooling rewarding, necessary, or Something That Is Happening. Great for you! Not great for me. Also not, at the moment, necessary for me.
** Overlapping set of things I can eat that the children will reliably eat: hummus, tortilla chips, scrambled eggs. Citrus fruit and pineapple. ... that's pretty much it. We discourage the whining with great vigor, and yet.
^ All one of them that pay above $10/hour
^^ SOMEtime, who knows when, for Boring Academic Politics Reasons.
You know what? I don't really value stay-at-home-parenting. It's necessary that someone should do all the Stuff but damn, I'd rather be doing something else. As a corollary, I have no plans to ever home-school because I value my professional labor over my child-wrangling/educating labor.* Also, the thought gives me hives. I pretty much loathe being stuck at home with screaming children and/or in Nap Jail, trying to make food I can't eat for children who are going to whine about it.**
I'm applying for jobs^ and talking to the new chair^^ and trying to work stuff out but people, this is a HARD time.
Problem: Boredom
Solutions: More stuff to do
Impediment: None of it is stuff I want to do (cleaning, laundry, fucking dinner fucking again)
Other Solutions: More job
Impediment: Two cows per person; county population 24,000
Problem: Many small children
Solution: Time, drinking
Impediment: Have had to give up drinking for boring medical reasons
Other Solutions: More chocolate
Problem: Lack of employment
Solution: Apply for more jobs
Impediment: Lack of jobs
Other Solutions: More chocolate; more gym
Problem: Loneliness
Solution: Talk to people more
Impediment: I don't like people
Other Solutions: Find more logical/rational people. Where ARE they?
* Notice how I don't say I would never. I recognize that there are many life circumstances that may make home-schooling rewarding, necessary, or Something That Is Happening. Great for you! Not great for me. Also not, at the moment, necessary for me.
** Overlapping set of things I can eat that the children will reliably eat: hummus, tortilla chips, scrambled eggs. Citrus fruit and pineapple. ... that's pretty much it. We discourage the whining with great vigor, and yet.
^ All one of them that pay above $10/hour
^^ SOMEtime, who knows when, for Boring Academic Politics Reasons.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Changes
(Wittering about my job, or lack thereof.)
Two falls ago, the Other University here had a sudden need for someone to teach four lab sections, for boring reasons (which I know, but will not bore you with). Starting in four weeks. Despite knowing I could only teach for one semester and then I was having a baby, I took the job.*
The second semester, they hired an ABD grad student** to take over.
One fall ago, the department chair*** gave all but one section back to Mr. ABD, after pulling some dodgy underhanded shenanigans Mr. ABD doesn't have a PhD from his third-rate grad program.**** I not only do have a PhD, from a fancy school literally everyone in this country has heard of, but I am stuck here in town indefinitely. But fine. I told myself it was totally understandable and okay and that I wasn't annoyed.
This spring, the department chair gave all but one section to Mr. ABD again. I told him^ I wanted more; he didn't feel like it, for whatever reason (I annoyed him by being pregnant^^; Mr. ABD had to 'support his family'; whatever). I told myself again that the sections were his to dispose of, whatever, etc., and started applying for other jobs.
Two weeks ago, the department chair announced his departure for greener pastures and I realized, you know what? I was really fucking annoyed. I'm better qualified, I have more experience, and I'm stuck here. So yeah! PoPiss me off! EXCELLENT PLAN! Because it's so easy to find part-time biochem PhDs floating around here.^^^
(The department now needs to find a visiting instructor in Uncommon Specialty- it is April! - AND they will have at least five sections of various things, each semester, left over. Mr. ABD studied Uncommon Specialty! They should hire him, give me back my !@#% sections, and we'd all be happy. Also, he should fucking finish.)
(I have no idea what is actually going to happen.)
* Adjuncting = a one semester contract = I don't owe you anything.
** With MAJOR issues with his grad program, and who, a full year later, has still not received a PhD.
*** Who is a jerk.
**** Think... New Mexico State. For chemistry. That's right! You've never heard of their chemistry program!
^ Of course it's a dude.
^^ IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS ON PURPOSE ANYWAYS.
^^^ I am literally the only one at loose ends for 20 miles in any direction.
Two falls ago, the Other University here had a sudden need for someone to teach four lab sections, for boring reasons (which I know, but will not bore you with). Starting in four weeks. Despite knowing I could only teach for one semester and then I was having a baby, I took the job.*
The second semester, they hired an ABD grad student** to take over.
One fall ago, the department chair*** gave all but one section back to Mr. ABD, after pulling some dodgy underhanded shenanigans Mr. ABD doesn't have a PhD from his third-rate grad program.**** I not only do have a PhD, from a fancy school literally everyone in this country has heard of, but I am stuck here in town indefinitely. But fine. I told myself it was totally understandable and okay and that I wasn't annoyed.
This spring, the department chair gave all but one section to Mr. ABD again. I told him^ I wanted more; he didn't feel like it, for whatever reason (I annoyed him by being pregnant^^; Mr. ABD had to 'support his family'; whatever). I told myself again that the sections were his to dispose of, whatever, etc., and started applying for other jobs.
Two weeks ago, the department chair announced his departure for greener pastures and I realized, you know what? I was really fucking annoyed. I'm better qualified, I have more experience, and I'm stuck here. So yeah! PoPiss me off! EXCELLENT PLAN! Because it's so easy to find part-time biochem PhDs floating around here.^^^
(The department now needs to find a visiting instructor in Uncommon Specialty- it is April! - AND they will have at least five sections of various things, each semester, left over. Mr. ABD studied Uncommon Specialty! They should hire him, give me back my !@#% sections, and we'd all be happy. Also, he should fucking finish.)
(I have no idea what is actually going to happen.)
* Adjuncting = a one semester contract = I don't owe you anything.
** With MAJOR issues with his grad program, and who, a full year later, has still not received a PhD.
*** Who is a jerk.
**** Think... New Mexico State. For chemistry. That's right! You've never heard of their chemistry program!
^ Of course it's a dude.
^^ IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS ON PURPOSE ANYWAYS.
^^^ I am literally the only one at loose ends for 20 miles in any direction.
Monday, April 04, 2016
Why I Hate Cooking Dinner (Recipe: Really Good Moroccan Chicken)
Put the children down for nap/quiet time/mama needs a break.
Realize that your meal plan says chicken and the chicken is frozen solid. Dump chicken in pot of hot water for an hour. Then brown chicken in1 T oops, glug glug, 1/4 c of olive oil.
Peel some mangy sweet potatoes you found in a drawer. Look at them, then peel another. Chop into giant inch thick slices because you are in a hurry.
Realize that you have zero onions. Gnash teeth. The baby wakes up and starts crying. Throw a cup or two of broth into the chicken pot along with two cinnamon sticks, some cardamom pods because who has time to grind them, and pepper. Squash a couple tablespoons of coriander seeds and some fenugreek in a mortar, and throw it on top of the chicken along with a few tablespoons of mediocre pre-diced garlic because who has time to dice garlic. Leave simmering (covered) on low on the stove. Hope the house doesn't burn down.
Toss your two screaming children in a minivan; pick up a third child (surly) and a carpool child (also surly). Deposit carpool child, then take your three arguing, whining children to the grocery at 3:30 PM on a Friday. Regret everything. While you are there, remember that you have 24 hours to produce baked beans for 100. Buy some chocolate.
Go home an hour later and frantically dice up an onion or two. Saute until browned and slightly burnt; try not to set off the fire alarm or take off a finger. Feed the baby half the raisins you'd intended to use as she pounds on a stool and shouts 'Moah!' Take the chicken out of the pot, getting garlic bits everywhere. Swear. Throw in the onions, sweet potato, raisins, olives, chopped apricots, some more garlic probably, two drained cans of garbanzo, an inch of ginger root peeled and finely diced, and whatever else you feel like. Stir; stick the chicken back on top and bake in a covered dish in a 325 F oven until the sweet potatoes are tender. Take out and cut up and debone chicken. (Put chicken back in.)
Serve to the accompaniment of whining children who will refuse to eat it even though they like every single ingredient. Vow to never cook them dinner ever again. Pour a glass of wine and count the minutes to bedtime. Lather, rinse and repeat.
Ingredients:
1 chicken preferably brined
An onion
Garlic
Some olives (8 oz - mine were the $1.79 marinated pack from TJ's)
Golden raisins (4 oz)
Apricots (whatever size they come in- 8 oz?)
Sweet potatoes (5 medium)
Chicken broth
2 cans garbanzo beans
Coriander, cinnamon sticks, fenugreek, green and black cardamom
Ginger root
Dash of despair and salt tears
Realize that your meal plan says chicken and the chicken is frozen solid. Dump chicken in pot of hot water for an hour. Then brown chicken in
Peel some mangy sweet potatoes you found in a drawer. Look at them, then peel another. Chop into giant inch thick slices because you are in a hurry.
Realize that you have zero onions. Gnash teeth. The baby wakes up and starts crying. Throw a cup or two of broth into the chicken pot along with two cinnamon sticks, some cardamom pods because who has time to grind them, and pepper. Squash a couple tablespoons of coriander seeds and some fenugreek in a mortar, and throw it on top of the chicken along with a few tablespoons of mediocre pre-diced garlic because who has time to dice garlic. Leave simmering (covered) on low on the stove. Hope the house doesn't burn down.
Toss your two screaming children in a minivan; pick up a third child (surly) and a carpool child (also surly). Deposit carpool child, then take your three arguing, whining children to the grocery at 3:30 PM on a Friday. Regret everything. While you are there, remember that you have 24 hours to produce baked beans for 100. Buy some chocolate.
Go home an hour later and frantically dice up an onion or two. Saute until browned and slightly burnt; try not to set off the fire alarm or take off a finger. Feed the baby half the raisins you'd intended to use as she pounds on a stool and shouts 'Moah!' Take the chicken out of the pot, getting garlic bits everywhere. Swear. Throw in the onions, sweet potato, raisins, olives, chopped apricots, some more garlic probably, two drained cans of garbanzo, an inch of ginger root peeled and finely diced, and whatever else you feel like. Stir; stick the chicken back on top and bake in a covered dish in a 325 F oven until the sweet potatoes are tender. Take out and cut up and debone chicken. (Put chicken back in.)
Serve to the accompaniment of whining children who will refuse to eat it even though they like every single ingredient. Vow to never cook them dinner ever again. Pour a glass of wine and count the minutes to bedtime. Lather, rinse and repeat.
Ingredients:
1 chicken preferably brined
An onion
Garlic
Some olives (8 oz - mine were the $1.79 marinated pack from TJ's)
Golden raisins (4 oz)
Apricots (whatever size they come in- 8 oz?)
Sweet potatoes (5 medium)
Chicken broth
2 cans garbanzo beans
Coriander, cinnamon sticks, fenugreek, green and black cardamom
Ginger root
Dash of despair and salt tears
Friday, April 01, 2016
Five (Ten) Minute Blogging: Problems, 1
Because practically anything is more convenient than therapy when you have three children and no childcare.
1) Money. I would like more, because it would ease many other problems.
1A) Continue applying for jobs.
1B) Recognize that a job that is better than nothing is hard to come by here, and try to not be discouraged.
1C) Consider further education? This seems ridiculous. Anything other than CPA also seems distance-work-unfriendly.
2) Food. I can/will eat almost nothing prepared* and I have to cook everything and it takes fucking forever.
2A) Try to make larger batches of things? Work on list.
2B) Buy more pre-chopped ingredients despite cost.
2C) Make more meat-things despite personal & financial aversion
2D) Wean baby, so as to have more time with screaming toddler standing on feet while cooking (hurrah).
3) Screaming children. I have reached the end of my patience.
3A) Go to gym a lot, as they have childcare.
3B) Continue applying for jobs.
3C) See about another child swap? Especially for Endless Summer Vacation.
4) My youngest sister who stopped talking to everyone except my other sister in Israel. For no reason. No, really.
4A) Clearly the picture I had of our relationship was completely wrong.
4B) She's having a hard time (maybe? how would I know!).
4C) She is being a crappy person. A crappy person finds time to pick up a dude and have a relationship but not time to do anything she doesn't want, including deal with overdue tax collections in the US, FOR EXAMPLE.
4D) Who knows, but this relationship is on fire and sinking into the ocean floor.
... and time's up, I have to go do the next sixteen things on my list! More later.
* two brands of hummus, some tortilla chips (yuck), two flavors of larabar things but not at home because Sweetpea is dangerously allergic to cashews... fruit and beans in cans (yuck). Everything else is basically 'ingredients' - raisins, oranges, whatever.
1) Money. I would like more, because it would ease many other problems.
1A) Continue applying for jobs.
1B) Recognize that a job that is better than nothing is hard to come by here, and try to not be discouraged.
1C) Consider further education? This seems ridiculous. Anything other than CPA also seems distance-work-unfriendly.
2) Food. I can/will eat almost nothing prepared* and I have to cook everything and it takes fucking forever.
2A) Try to make larger batches of things? Work on list.
2B) Buy more pre-chopped ingredients despite cost.
2C) Make more meat-things despite personal & financial aversion
2D) Wean baby, so as to have more time with screaming toddler standing on feet while cooking (hurrah).
3) Screaming children. I have reached the end of my patience.
3A) Go to gym a lot, as they have childcare.
3B) Continue applying for jobs.
3C) See about another child swap? Especially for Endless Summer Vacation.
4) My youngest sister who stopped talking to everyone except my other sister in Israel. For no reason. No, really.
4A) Clearly the picture I had of our relationship was completely wrong.
4B) She's having a hard time (maybe? how would I know!).
4C) She is being a crappy person. A crappy person finds time to pick up a dude and have a relationship but not time to do anything she doesn't want, including deal with overdue tax collections in the US, FOR EXAMPLE.
4D) Who knows, but this relationship is on fire and sinking into the ocean floor.
... and time's up, I have to go do the next sixteen things on my list! More later.
* two brands of hummus, some tortilla chips (yuck), two flavors of larabar things but not at home because Sweetpea is dangerously allergic to cashews... fruit and beans in cans (yuck). Everything else is basically 'ingredients' - raisins, oranges, whatever.
Monday, March 21, 2016
FMB: Jobs
My older children are upstairs trying to murder each other and Sweetpea has taken to climbing on things and then walking off the edge. So! Five minutes, GO!
I have gotten to a point where I hate (HATE) being home all the time with the children. Naturally, everyone is on spring break for ten days. I mostly hate the bad parts: the hungry, miserable behavior (eat a damn carrot, child, and stop losing your tiny mind); the screaming; the necessity of keeping everyone so quiet for multiple hours a day so the baby can sleep. The necessity of my entire life revolving around Nap Jail! The way everyone falls apart when The Schedule is not rigidly observed! I hate being someone with a schedule in stone, and yet, when we deviate, I get so anxious, because I just KNOW the Scream Train is coming. I don't like the person I am and I am bored and lonely and tired of this.
(Did I mention the screaming?)
I feel like I spend my entire day doing things I find unrewarding, and which feel entirely unvalued. Example: I make the children's favorite dinner, and they whine and argue for 30 minutes.
I also feel like I am tired of being money-pinched and I want a job that pays me money so I can afford to not be with my children. And I am beginning to feel anxious about the future/ retirement funds/ taking care of aging parents/ my lack of a career.
(Five minutes are up and someone is - wait for it- screaming.)
Next time on FMB: Looking For Jobs, Which Gives Me Hives, Also Did I Mention There Are No Jobs Here? (Please don't tell me there are jobs. There are only 7000 people, I regret everything.)
I have gotten to a point where I hate (HATE) being home all the time with the children. Naturally, everyone is on spring break for ten days. I mostly hate the bad parts: the hungry, miserable behavior (eat a damn carrot, child, and stop losing your tiny mind); the screaming; the necessity of keeping everyone so quiet for multiple hours a day so the baby can sleep. The necessity of my entire life revolving around Nap Jail! The way everyone falls apart when The Schedule is not rigidly observed! I hate being someone with a schedule in stone, and yet, when we deviate, I get so anxious, because I just KNOW the Scream Train is coming. I don't like the person I am and I am bored and lonely and tired of this.
(Did I mention the screaming?)
I feel like I spend my entire day doing things I find unrewarding, and which feel entirely unvalued. Example: I make the children's favorite dinner, and they whine and argue for 30 minutes.
I also feel like I am tired of being money-pinched and I want a job that pays me money so I can afford to not be with my children. And I am beginning to feel anxious about the future/ retirement funds/ taking care of aging parents/ my lack of a career.
(Five minutes are up and someone is - wait for it- screaming.)
Next time on FMB: Looking For Jobs, Which Gives Me Hives, Also Did I Mention There Are No Jobs Here? (Please don't tell me there are jobs. There are only 7000 people, I regret everything.)
Monday, December 07, 2015
State of the Self, 10:30 PM, With Wine
HEADACHE: Mostly gone. Hearing probably also 5% reduced, but I'll take that over a perpetual knife in the ear. Let's say a 2.
F@#$ING MASTITIS: Persists as milk blister. Imagine a blister in a sensitive area and, well, it's about as fun as that. 3.5.
WORK FRUSTRATION: A solid 6 for reasons I will not discuss, owing to my desire to stay employed. Also frustrating: the fact that I do not enjoy or value most of my daily work of cooking, cleaning, and general contracting secondary to subsidizing my spouse's career. This Too Is A Phase.
CHILDREN: Continue to injure each other in appalling ways (no, I do not let them bully each other, but I cannot be constantly physically present with three children). Latest: head slammed in door. Ranging from 2 to 'It goes to eleven. "
BABY: Sweet, endearing, and yet SO high maintenance. I wonder if I will ever adapt to the reality of having a third child. Maybe when she can walk and talk? (Current words: DA- dog/cat/squirrel; NA NA- milk/mommy/feed me, peons). The baby year is just so darn hard, people.
FUCKING DEPRESSED: Enjoying a renaissance thanks to Where Are My Real Friends Here, I Want R and N, WAAAAAH. Prescription: more exercise, more free time (HA), more gardening (double ha).
NO F@#%ING STOVE: Have I mentioned I've had no stove for TWO months? Yes. It's kind of like going to the post office: anything involving more than a certain number of steps rapidly becomes asymptotic to 'impossible'. Now I must visit a metal shop during business hours, procure a 36 x 2 5/8" strip, sand it, and paint it black. This makes three stove tops, four trips to the hardware store, and three electricians.
F@#$ING MASTITIS: Persists as milk blister. Imagine a blister in a sensitive area and, well, it's about as fun as that. 3.5.
WORK FRUSTRATION: A solid 6 for reasons I will not discuss, owing to my desire to stay employed. Also frustrating: the fact that I do not enjoy or value most of my daily work of cooking, cleaning, and general contracting secondary to subsidizing my spouse's career. This Too Is A Phase.
CHILDREN: Continue to injure each other in appalling ways (no, I do not let them bully each other, but I cannot be constantly physically present with three children). Latest: head slammed in door. Ranging from 2 to 'It goes to eleven. "
BABY: Sweet, endearing, and yet SO high maintenance. I wonder if I will ever adapt to the reality of having a third child. Maybe when she can walk and talk? (Current words: DA- dog/cat/squirrel; NA NA- milk/mommy/feed me, peons). The baby year is just so darn hard, people.
FUCKING DEPRESSED: Enjoying a renaissance thanks to Where Are My Real Friends Here, I Want R and N, WAAAAAH. Prescription: more exercise, more free time (HA), more gardening (double ha).
NO F@#%ING STOVE: Have I mentioned I've had no stove for TWO months? Yes. It's kind of like going to the post office: anything involving more than a certain number of steps rapidly becomes asymptotic to 'impossible'. Now I must visit a metal shop during business hours, procure a 36 x 2 5/8" strip, sand it, and paint it black. This makes three stove tops, four trips to the hardware store, and three electricians.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Extremely Brief Thoughts on Identity
The other day I was thinking of my (8% of a) job and how I define myself. Who am I anyways? Who will I be once I'm not tied to the baby so closely? Who do I want to be? How can I make this happen?
But I think I'm struggling with secondary definitions of my identity. If someone asks me 'Who are you?' I would immediately say 'I'm a scientist.'* Before everything else in my life, I define myself by my relationship with science. I know exactly who I am.
Second place might be Parent. Then Jew. Gardener. Knitter. Jam maker. Professor/teacher is somewhere way down the list after Vacuumer and Weeder. Some day I need to think about why this is. I don't know how all the pieces fit together (frequently, it seems, the answer is 'badly'.)
What's your answer for 'I'm a ___________'?
* Actually I am extremely literal minded and would probably give my name.
But I think I'm struggling with secondary definitions of my identity. If someone asks me 'Who are you?' I would immediately say 'I'm a scientist.'* Before everything else in my life, I define myself by my relationship with science. I know exactly who I am.
Second place might be Parent. Then Jew. Gardener. Knitter. Jam maker. Professor/teacher is somewhere way down the list after Vacuumer and Weeder. Some day I need to think about why this is. I don't know how all the pieces fit together (frequently, it seems, the answer is 'badly'.)
What's your answer for 'I'm a ___________'?
* Actually I am extremely literal minded and would probably give my name.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
What To Do.
Lately, while nursing the baby (ENDLESSLY) I've been reading Captain Awkward and, aside from giving me a Serious Complex about my parenting (am I that toxic parent? will this be my children in twenty years? then I stopped reading it) it's reinforced to me: boundaries and choices are about limits and acceptable consequences.
So I keep thinking of things to write about and then realizing I need to be honest with myself and then I will no longer have Questions other than, am I actually willing to do X? (Probably not.)
How do I respond to my crazy sister's crazy message "I haven't been stabbed! I don't know if you were worrying!"? (Don't respond. You can only think of snarky or too-honest things like "YOU DON'T SAY" and "You're an idiot, don't talk to me until you grow up some OH WAIT you weren't talking to me anyways.")
Why am I depressed? (Pain. Fatigue due to not being able to sleep due to pain. Loneliness due to no energy to do stuff due to pain. Plus a screaming, horrible four year old who deliberately wets his pants. Next stops: ENT, then M&M bribes.)
Why am I not losing the last of the baby weight? (Chocolate plus the previous.)
Am I a terrible parent? (Sometimes. Sometimes every parent is a terrible parent.)
Am I mediocre at every single thing I do? (Quite possibly. There's room for improvement.)
Is my job meaningful at all, or am I babysitting college students? (Yes.)
Will Bug ever stop whining about his homework? (Probably not. My response, by the way, is to tell him that his homework is his problem and if he doesn't want to do it he can write a note to his teacher, but I won't force him. Because I WON'T.
Would 10% more disposable income allow me to buy my way out of some things? (YES. ALL THE YES.)
Will this all get better some day? (Some day.)
So I keep thinking of things to write about and then realizing I need to be honest with myself and then I will no longer have Questions other than, am I actually willing to do X? (Probably not.)
How do I respond to my crazy sister's crazy message "I haven't been stabbed! I don't know if you were worrying!"? (Don't respond. You can only think of snarky or too-honest things like "YOU DON'T SAY" and "You're an idiot, don't talk to me until you grow up some OH WAIT you weren't talking to me anyways.")
Why am I depressed? (Pain. Fatigue due to not being able to sleep due to pain. Loneliness due to no energy to do stuff due to pain. Plus a screaming, horrible four year old who deliberately wets his pants. Next stops: ENT, then M&M bribes.)
Why am I not losing the last of the baby weight? (Chocolate plus the previous.)
Am I a terrible parent? (Sometimes. Sometimes every parent is a terrible parent.)
Am I mediocre at every single thing I do? (Quite possibly. There's room for improvement.)
Is my job meaningful at all, or am I babysitting college students? (Yes.)
Will Bug ever stop whining about his homework? (Probably not. My response, by the way, is to tell him that his homework is his problem and if he doesn't want to do it he can write a note to his teacher, but I won't force him. Because I WON'T.
Would 10% more disposable income allow me to buy my way out of some things? (YES. ALL THE YES.)
Will this all get better some day? (Some day.)
Monday, October 12, 2015
More Snippeting
I feel there might be a less confusing way to phrase this sentence about a transgender teen: "Ayden grew up a tomboy and in sixth grade thought he was a lesbian."
Maybe this would be a good opportunity to write a sentence without pronouns, newspaper people. Because you can be correct and still ridiculous.
Also, I really really, really dislike the word tomboy. It implies that sports, hammers, trousers, and playing in the mud are at best non-normative and at worst transgressive for little girls. What the actual fuck, society?
(Just to be clear, I am suggesting they write "Ayden always gravitated towards sports and construction equipment, and eventually became aware of an attraction to girls." OR WHATEVER. But 'he was a lesbian' is always going to sound ridiculous, which distracts from the story. Much like reading 'she always wanted to wear dresses' about a transgender teen who previously identified as or was assigned male, it makes the reader confused rather than thoughtful.)
Maybe this would be a good opportunity to write a sentence without pronouns, newspaper people. Because you can be correct and still ridiculous.
Also, I really really, really dislike the word tomboy. It implies that sports, hammers, trousers, and playing in the mud are at best non-normative and at worst transgressive for little girls. What the actual fuck, society?
(Just to be clear, I am suggesting they write "Ayden always gravitated towards sports and construction equipment, and eventually became aware of an attraction to girls." OR WHATEVER. But 'he was a lesbian' is always going to sound ridiculous, which distracts from the story. Much like reading 'she always wanted to wear dresses' about a transgender teen who previously identified as or was assigned male, it makes the reader confused rather than thoughtful.)
Monday, October 05, 2015
So Maaaaaaaagical
Once, I was at LLL and we were talking about how we felt about nursing. Predictably, there was one Amber Necklace Nut who affirmed that it mde her feel so wonderful! Euphoric, even! So powerfully life-giving BLAH BLAH BLAH.
"I feel trapped," I said. "I can't leave the baby for more than 20 minutes*, there's someone pawing at me all the hours of the day, and it drives me crazy."
(I was reminded of this as the baby whacked me with all her might, and then grabbed my tank top strap and snapped it repeatedly, while nursing.)
"Ooookay.... but most people really find it rewarding!" the leader said (doubtless trying to reassure all the new moms. Plus, probably deluded.)
Readers, I feel about breastfeeding like I feel about science. We do it because we find some aspects of it rewarding, but many parts are really annoying. These can both be true at the same time.
What's your least favorite part of baby-feeding (or, if you have no baby to feed, other people's annoying children)?
*this was when she was too small for people food and hadn't yet figured out bottles.
"I feel trapped," I said. "I can't leave the baby for more than 20 minutes*, there's someone pawing at me all the hours of the day, and it drives me crazy."
(I was reminded of this as the baby whacked me with all her might, and then grabbed my tank top strap and snapped it repeatedly, while nursing.)
"Ooookay.... but most people really find it rewarding!" the leader said (doubtless trying to reassure all the new moms. Plus, probably deluded.)
Readers, I feel about breastfeeding like I feel about science. We do it because we find some aspects of it rewarding, but many parts are really annoying. These can both be true at the same time.
What's your least favorite part of baby-feeding (or, if you have no baby to feed, other people's annoying children)?
*this was when she was too small for people food and hadn't yet figured out bottles.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Lazy, or: On Working
I am full of thoughts but never have any time to type on a real computer and between the tiny touch screen keyboard and the inconsistently rogue autocorrect.... it's all an exercise in frustration, is what I'm saying.
However. Onward!
There is a job opening at Mountain U for someone doing science career stuff. They want someone with an advanced degree, lots of professional contacts, and job experience outside academia.
They also want someone full time.
I know full well that predicting how I WILL feel in a few to many years is essentially impossible. Will I want a full time job in two years? I don't know. Right now I would say no. I want a part time job for forever. I am lazy, I don't want to work full time, I don't have to work full time, and I'd rather have no job than work full time (however, I haaaaate not having a job and what I really want is part time).
I am teaching one lab at Pseudo Military U next semester. In an incomprehensible move, the chair posted the job for this fall in January, when Sweetpea was three weeks old. Clearly he was trying to hire the no-PhD dude who replaced me (state hiring laws would make it difficult to hire the less qualified candidate). So.... what the hell was that? But then he asks me if I'd be interested in teaching a lecture some time. As in a whole class. Again, what the hell was that? In an ideal world I'd be perfectly happy to adjunct a few labs a semester for forever (see: lazy). But... there's no guarantees, because adjuncting plus a What The Hell chair equals confusion.
While (standard disclaimer!) I love my kids, I still don't want to be around them all the time. Nobody wants to be around the same people all the time. Sometimes people just want to go to the bathroom alone and have, like, three hours in a row to NOT mediate any he annoyed me/ he hit me/ now we're both waking up the baby.
But I'm still too lazy to take a full time job. (By which I mean, I personally find it extremely difficult, tiring, and stressful to juggle two full time jobs, three children, and the inevitable illness and sleeplessness that come along with the children, and we can get by without the income.)
However. Onward!
There is a job opening at Mountain U for someone doing science career stuff. They want someone with an advanced degree, lots of professional contacts, and job experience outside academia.
They also want someone full time.
I know full well that predicting how I WILL feel in a few to many years is essentially impossible. Will I want a full time job in two years? I don't know. Right now I would say no. I want a part time job for forever. I am lazy, I don't want to work full time, I don't have to work full time, and I'd rather have no job than work full time (however, I haaaaate not having a job and what I really want is part time).
I am teaching one lab at Pseudo Military U next semester. In an incomprehensible move, the chair posted the job for this fall in January, when Sweetpea was three weeks old. Clearly he was trying to hire the no-PhD dude who replaced me (state hiring laws would make it difficult to hire the less qualified candidate). So.... what the hell was that? But then he asks me if I'd be interested in teaching a lecture some time. As in a whole class. Again, what the hell was that? In an ideal world I'd be perfectly happy to adjunct a few labs a semester for forever (see: lazy). But... there's no guarantees, because adjuncting plus a What The Hell chair equals confusion.
While (standard disclaimer!) I love my kids, I still don't want to be around them all the time. Nobody wants to be around the same people all the time. Sometimes people just want to go to the bathroom alone and have, like, three hours in a row to NOT mediate any he annoyed me/ he hit me/ now we're both waking up the baby.
But I'm still too lazy to take a full time job. (By which I mean, I personally find it extremely difficult, tiring, and stressful to juggle two full time jobs, three children, and the inevitable illness and sleeplessness that come along with the children, and we can get by without the income.)
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Allergies
Our otherwise very good family doctor said to give "limited" amounts of nuts to the baby before age one. Well, I'd already given her peanuts, eggs, and cow dairy, to no ill effects. Also sesame, assorted fruits and veggies, wheat, and corn. Probably soy too though I wasn't really trying.
Yesterday I have her a tiny amount of ground cashews.
Ten minutes later her eyes swelled up so much she couldn't see out of one of them.
Since she was breathing fine, I ran home and gave her a half-dose of benadryl (check with your doctor, naturally, but the dosage I was given was 1.25 mg/kg)*. She threw up twice (before the benadryl, fortunately) She got a terrible itchy rash from head to toe. Her eyes eventually de-puffed, but she still had some classic 'allergic shiners'. This is actually quite worrying- contact dermatitis is one thing but signs of a systemic reaction are much more serious. However, as she continued to breathe fine, I didn't take her anywhere to be observed at painful length, remonstrated with at tedious length, and given benadryl for the baby. Oh, and a $350 bill to boot.
Intellectually, I know that my nearly seven month old with very mild eczema had nothing going on to tell me to run away from the tree nuts. Waiting five more months probably wouldn't have prevented this and - based on actual good prospective research- might have made any underlying predispositions worse.
I still feel like a terrible mother.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I seem to have eaten something unfortunate myself....
*True story: a colleague and his wife once walked into the ER here HOLDING her epi-pen and requested someone help them administer it because they just wanted to make sure they did it right. 25 minutes of sitting around later, they did it themselves and walked out, because NOBODY HELPED THEM. (Yes, none of this was a good idea.) So if I'm not having a real emergency, you can bet I stay faaaaarrrrr away.
Yesterday I have her a tiny amount of ground cashews.
Ten minutes later her eyes swelled up so much she couldn't see out of one of them.
Since she was breathing fine, I ran home and gave her a half-dose of benadryl (check with your doctor, naturally, but the dosage I was given was 1.25 mg/kg)*. She threw up twice (before the benadryl, fortunately) She got a terrible itchy rash from head to toe. Her eyes eventually de-puffed, but she still had some classic 'allergic shiners'. This is actually quite worrying- contact dermatitis is one thing but signs of a systemic reaction are much more serious. However, as she continued to breathe fine, I didn't take her anywhere to be observed at painful length, remonstrated with at tedious length, and given benadryl for the baby. Oh, and a $350 bill to boot.
Intellectually, I know that my nearly seven month old with very mild eczema had nothing going on to tell me to run away from the tree nuts. Waiting five more months probably wouldn't have prevented this and - based on actual good prospective research- might have made any underlying predispositions worse.
I still feel like a terrible mother.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I seem to have eaten something unfortunate myself....
*True story: a colleague and his wife once walked into the ER here HOLDING her epi-pen and requested someone help them administer it because they just wanted to make sure they did it right. 25 minutes of sitting around later, they did it themselves and walked out, because NOBODY HELPED THEM. (Yes, none of this was a good idea.) So if I'm not having a real emergency, you can bet I stay faaaaarrrrr away.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Dear new mom I met at LLL,
I invited you to our baby playgroup out of kindness because I remember how hard and lonely it is to suddenly go from working full time to a short maternity leave.
You took it upon yourself to invite four people - one of whom I dislike intensely, two of whom I barely know, and one of whom 'just isn't okay with the CDC vaccination schedule' to the house of someone YOU don't even know. In addition, thirty seconds' thought would tell you that I have MET these people, and perhaps I didn't invite them ON PURPOSE.
It's true that two other moms invited one extra person each- people they know and I don't. It's also true that they invited these people to their OWN homes.
Way to get yourself rapidly uninvited to, oh, everything in the future. Learn some manners and a social grace or three.
Yours,
Don't Write And Don't Call
You took it upon yourself to invite four people - one of whom I dislike intensely, two of whom I barely know, and one of whom 'just isn't okay with the CDC vaccination schedule' to the house of someone YOU don't even know. In addition, thirty seconds' thought would tell you that I have MET these people, and perhaps I didn't invite them ON PURPOSE.
It's true that two other moms invited one extra person each- people they know and I don't. It's also true that they invited these people to their OWN homes.
Way to get yourself rapidly uninvited to, oh, everything in the future. Learn some manners and a social grace or three.
Yours,
Don't Write And Don't Call
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