tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post443133970026860236..comments2024-03-27T10:29:06.518-04:00Comments on A Natural Scientist: In Which I Discuss Broken Family RelationshipsJenny F. Scientisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07072624674603337551noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-91108574555070689712013-11-03T21:16:18.987-05:002013-11-03T21:16:18.987-05:00Fortunately, I first read Gaudy Night in grad scho...Fortunately, I first read Gaudy Night in grad school, so I came to it pre-embittered.<br /><br />That is also exactly how I feel about the schedule. I need the predictability; they're just used to it. Of course, after this long, my kids start rubbing their eyes and telling me they want to go to bed when it's naptime/bedtime (this does not entirely prevent them from doing annoying stuff at ungodly hours, which we largely ignore anyways, but it does cut down on the bedtime-delaying tactics). Jenny F. Scientisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07072624674603337551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-80524279872490220592013-11-03T08:46:00.261-05:002013-11-03T08:46:00.261-05:00OH MAN. There's certainly no question that whe...OH MAN. There's certainly no question that when dealing with crazies, one should protect oneself. You know, if she were a junkie, you'd only let her steal all your stuff so many times before she wouldn't be allowed to know where you live. <br /><br />I am the same way about our schedule. It's more for my own sanity than from any believe that my particular children will explode if their routine is disrupted. I sometimes get the feeling that people think I'm a jerk for not wanting to come to their stupid thing that happens at a bad time, but hey, I'd rather be thought a jerk. <br /><br />Also, Gaudy Night is one of my top five books, but it sure gave me an unrealistic picture of academia...bunnyhttp://glumbunny.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-86727183945647425022013-10-24T14:02:46.048-04:002013-10-24T14:02:46.048-04:00Er.... (looking, looking)...
"The Co-Parenti...Er.... (looking, looking)...<br /><br />"The Co-Parenting Survival Guide : Letting Go of Conflict after a Difficult Divorce" and (more to the point) "Divorce Poison : How to Protect Your Family from Bad-Mouthing and Brainwashing". Jenny F. Scientist, PhDhttp://naturalscientist.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-21116252911139427852013-10-24T12:54:51.495-04:002013-10-24T12:54:51.495-04:00What's the recommended book on co-parenting wi...What's the recommended book on co-parenting with narcissists?<br /><br />Just, y'know, wondering...Co-parentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-28680759619211845932013-10-24T12:31:14.679-04:002013-10-24T12:31:14.679-04:00My response to my in-laws is similar: I have no in...My response to my in-laws is similar: I have no inherent affection for them, and therefore I barely tolerate them for my spouse's sake. (To be fair, my kids now think 'grandma and grandpa' mean my parents. The little one has never met his other set of grandparents and he's two.) Weird confrontational sisters! What is this????Jenny F. Scientist, PhDhttp://naturalscientist.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-26510431225590487622013-10-24T12:03:38.988-04:002013-10-24T12:03:38.988-04:00IN FACT I did email her back that I was sorry to h...IN FACT I did email her back that I was sorry to hear she felt like that, and here were the times and places I could meet her with/without my children. (Hers cannot legally leave the country without the consent of her ex.) And I cc'd my mom. Great minds and all. <br /><br />I'm my parents' sole executor as of right now so it would be a brief fight. Jenny F. Scientist, PhDhttp://naturalscientist.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-61584989604279824302013-10-24T09:36:30.249-04:002013-10-24T09:36:30.249-04:00Even if you uprooted the children to visit your si...Even if you uprooted the children to visit your sister on exactly her terms, you know she'd ruin it somehow or other. You'd then have the satisfaction of being proved right. Did she bring her children?<br /><br />You do not feel rivalry, but as the younger sister, she obviously does. Patrick has three female cousins and the younger two are perhaps 3 years apart. The middle woman is kind and nice, and went to 4-yr college for nursing. The youngest has been an unstable little liar since she was a child and in serious competition with her sister. She lied that she had cervical cancer so her HS would let her graduate one semester early. She took a 1-yr medical transcription course so she could get a job when her sister did. She got engaged and married around the same time, and needed to have kids right away. Luckily, she's married to a sweet, understanding man and has improved greatly over the past 10 years. Obviously, your sister was not so fortunate.<br /><br />Hmm, I suppose I'd respond to her email:<br />But I was so looking forward to visiting with you, and showing you Lovely Mountain Town! Ever since the 900-mile move, poor little Bug has been so sensitive about travel, we decided it is imperative that he adjust to one place for a while. It would mean so much to me if y'all come visit for a weekend, we can (insert charming hikes/places to visit/traditional food to make/movies to watch). The children would be so delighted to see you. I do hope you change your mind. Love, Big Sis.<br /><br />An overly kind response is really galling to someone who wishes to take offense at everything. Ooh, you could cc your mom, just to show you're trying. It is worthwhile to make a small effort now, because eventually (hopefully a long time from now) you'll have to deal with your parents estate, and sibling fights can drag that shit out for decades.<br /><br />Good luck. Crazy relatives are no fun, but it's challenging to cut them off entirely. An uneasy truce can be better than a Cold War. And since you are the sane and diplomatic one, you have to do the bulk of the work of lying through teeth and biting tongue. But, you get to complain to us here!! We will always take your side :)Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03276995787173932700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36650952.post-60939195763238218062013-10-24T09:22:38.274-04:002013-10-24T09:22:38.274-04:00I empathize. I also have a sister and a set of in-...I empathize. I also have a sister and a set of in-laws who can't engage in an adult relationship like the one you define. I'm slowly reaching to point of not caring and, in fact, had with my in-laws when my mother-in-law died, leaving no family on that side but frustratingly disrespectful ones (of our time, space, wishes, etc.). So we're roped in again to appease my wife's need for family. That said, my sister remains distant and confrontational and that's weird but fine with me. It doesn't mean there isn't occasional drama as she comes up with new unreasonable ideas. It's sound like it might be a good thing that she's 6000 miles away. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com